Jaihoo’s Trip to the Future - eBook & Audiobook Bundle
BySam Hyde
Cold. Darkness. Light. Loud static noise. Lightning. Freezing fire and burning ice. Rain that’s so hot it freezes your skin and melts it with ice when it touches.
Rain so hot it turns your skin to porcelain and shatters it like ice (making it smell like actual shit in the process). Rain so cold it stops you stiff and you cease to move forward in time except your ‘thing’ which retracts back into your body at light speed.
You may not be interested in the Future… But, the Future is interested in You.
TRICK NASTY into a space-aged adventure over six years in the making, with your New Best Friends: Jaihoo Cornoonian, Kaileesi, Professor Nusbaum, The Skippies, Joe Rogan, CHIPS, Gime-Goch, Nijj-X (DLC Only*), and Brack Master Quan (DLC Only*)!
NAVIGATE the complex hellscape of the immortal holo-world and Ponder Philosophically while livestreaming bathroom cameras at The Royal House of God House of Chicken!
LOCK HORNS with nefarious intelligent financial machines and fight the Peace War against omnipotent Chinese calculator men!
*ᴶᵃᶦʰᵒᵒ’ˢ ᵀʳᶦᵖ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᵗᵘʳᵉ ᴰᴸᶜ ᶜᵒᵐᶦⁿᵍ ²⁰²⁸ ᵗᵒ ᴹᵉᵍᵃᴺᵉᵗ™: ʸᵒᵘ’ʳᵉ ᴳᵒⁿⁿᵃ ᴸᵒᵛᵉ ᵀʰᶦˢ ᴺᵉᵗ! ᴳᵃᵐᵉᴴᵒˡᵉ
OK so, this is the fuckin thing I have been writing since 2014 on-and-off with help from some friendz. It’s pretty psychopathic… Approx. 400 pages which includes the illustrations.
You get the illustrated eBook, a non-illustrated plaintext version if you want to read on a Raspberry Pi, um, oh and also an audiobook narrated by me, in two flavors: one plain, one with SFX and music (this second version will be available in the associated downloads early 2021).
I have the only psychical copy of this Book. What you hear when you purchase this Audio Booklet will be me reading a page and then proceeding to rip/crumple/burn each page Hand crafted by Hand.
Trigger Warning TW//:
Critical Acclaim:
“Skimmed the first chapter. Pretty vile. Not at all interested.” – [some girl I wacke’d off on because I couldn’t get hard who now works at], New York Times Book Review
“Hello Sam. This is really not the sort of thing I am interested in. I can’t imagine anyone who would be. Sorry and best of luck!” – Chuck Palahniuk
“Uh, I’m not an author or anything like that… I’m with my family, we’re about to have dinner right now.” – Mark Gottlieb, Trident Media Group Literary Agents
“Hey Sam, this is Todd. I just want to let you know that there is an almost zero chance Bret is gonna read it in this state. But I do encourage you to listen to the podcast and to keep writing! Send it to agents not Bret. Good luck, Todd” – Bret Easton Ellis