I think that's where the hiding comes in. Suppose you do something, and it occurs to you "Wow, my partner might be really jealous if she knew about that..." You have a decision at that point. Tell them about it, and find out what their take on the situation is, or else keep it a secret, perhaps to do whatever it is again. So, I think even uncertainty has a proper way to be handled. And that really shouldn't be a problem- most of the situations that would seriously upset someone are commonsense. The grey areas, as James put it, also tend to be the areas where the person isn't likely to scream or cry if you asked, "Hey, I did X,Y,Z today...is that the kind of thing that would make you jealous? It didn't seem like a big deal at the time, but after I got to thinking..."
I agree with torn, but I think it could lead to breakups and affairs. I think we feel guilty having feelings for others of the opposite sex. We shouldn’t as long as it remains appropriate. Falling off the wagon with a little flirting is nothing, but it is the degree of it that one must watch.
I have several very close men friends and have had “those” feelings, but I try to keep them in check. Otherwise, why get married?
How do you quantify flirting-ness? I think it’s a lot easier to decide where the zero point is than any other degree. That’s probably why some people are so jealous. You can’t tell if someone is flirting a little, or heavily if you weren’t there to see it, but you can tell if they were at all much more easily.
Common sense tells us the answer to that. But when you are in a longterm relationship it is difficult not to do it! It happened to me, but I had no affair and no guilt.
It really depends on your intentions. Everything comes down to your intentions. Unfortunately our intentions aren’t always clear to us. I mean, our conscience will reveal our intentions, but for that to happen we need to be listening.
Also, we must trust our sense about the person we are talking to. There is always a clue and if we are truly honest with ourselves…there is no question…
since marriage is a religious ceremony, and adultery a religious sin, in my opinion it’s necessary to bring religion into this.
similarly compare fantasizing about rape with true rape. one occurs within yourself, the other extends outside. so do the thoughts within you matter? we speak from the heart, and actions reflect the desires of the heart. so thoughts are destructive and they can be sins.
it’s also true that noone can be perfect. and we are only forgiven of our sins through jesus christ. in my opinion everyone is an adulterer on some level, however slight. all things being equal, its hypocritical and unrealistic to demand perfection of someone.
I think the major difference between these two types of adultery is:
the first leaves room for repentance from the standpoint of the perpetrator. the second is proactive, and deffinitive… the perpetrator doesnt desire forgiveness, so its not granted.
well, what do you think and feel when you are talking to this person? What are your innermost intentions when you are talking to this person? If you find yourself drwn toward this person, slowly falling deeper and deeper into a need for this person, you’ve crossed the line. Simply having friends of the opposite sex, and sometimes joking about serious subjects isn’t any form of “cheating”. Joking about serious subjects is the only way lies become funny. …but thats just my opinion.
