I don’t mean to go all feminazi on anybody, but am I the only one who is just so sick and tired of seeing and hearing men talk about “what women want” without actually talking to WOMEN to see what they have to say?
This morning on my way to work I was listening to a local radio station. They do a lot of advice-driven bits in the morning, they have people call in or email them with personal questions and then they get their listeners to call in and offer advice. This morning, a young man had written in about a girl he had met recently. They hit it off right away, exchanged numbers, followed each other on FB, and have been exchanging text messages every few days or so. He was nervous to up the ante, wasn’t sure if he was texting her too much or if he should text her more, just wanted some general advice on how to handle the situation. Most of the people who called in to give him advice were guys, at least during the part of the show I was listening to, and one had this gem to offer - “You have to reel them in. Give her a lot of attention, and then when you know you have her on the hook, cut her off and start being a jerk.”
I was FUCKING FLOORED by this piece of advice. Do men really think this works? If you want to fuck a girl, if your only intention upon meeting her is to fuck her, this is exactly the way to treat her to get what you want. However, keep in mind that you are needlessly damaging her. Believe it or not, females can be and often are just as open to a purely sexual relationship as men are, but men have this fucked up idea that they need to make the girl care about them before she’ll have sex with them, and this is why men are fucking assholes. You can smooth-talk a woman without making empty promises or leading her to believe that you feel a way that you don’t.
Anyway I know this might seem off topic, but in my mind it all ties together. You want to know what it is that this guy is talking about that women are attracted to? Charisma and self-confidence. It has nothing to do with a guy being a psychopath, a sociopath, or a terrorist. I realize that he kinda/sorta made that point, but why not just make that point outright instead of talking about terrorist and murderers and trying to draw some sort of correlation between those actions and their attractiveness to females?
If a guy is a “badboy” and has girls attracted to him because of that, are they really the kind of woman worthy of mating with for any length of time? She obviously has little brain activity or ethics. Seems to me if you want to catch a deer you don’t go fishing in a cesspool.
Maybe. But there’s a good reason why guys don’t talk to women about what they want. Consistently, when guys DO give a woman what she says she wants (like nice guys do), it tends to turn out that she doesn’t actually want it, or there’s something missing, or she actually wants something else - it’s like they don’t KNOW what they want.
But this is perfect - it creates this allure and mystery for guys to try and unravel - it’s attractive, it encourages male bonding and these “advice” situations where guys can swap useful information with one another about possible solutions to the female puzzle. Some trinkets of advice seem to pay off more often than others and that’s exactly what you’re complaining about. It’s interesting to consider the possibility that it’s not the advice as such that you might be objecting to, but the success of men in figuring out female behaviour and attraction.
Given the seeming paradox of women not wanting what they say they want, why not consider the possibility that women might want what they say they don’t want? We’d then be left with this apparent contradiction that treating a girl how she doesn’t want to be treated is how she wants to be treated - and how could that be true?! But what better and addictive a puzzle than one that’s completely logically backwards?
When you put it in the context of sexual selection, it makes even more sense. Consider the strongest most dominating males, getting all the power and access to resources that secure health and freedom. Jackpot for a female, surely?! Except to get in on that, you need to put up with an asshole. This means the women that learn to put up with crap, or even LIKE crap the best secure the best mates, and they’re the ones that win the best offspring etc. The ones who want to be treated well are penalised by ending up with mates who can only offer average to poor conditions for raising offspring. Bummer.
Then add in a further possibility of messing around with “a jerk” (being open to a purely sexual relationship), but then maybe having a kid with them and thus potentially some claim to the jerk’s power, health and resources, even if only genetically for their kid, and then they can settle down with a loser who treats them nicely, and at least they end up better off compared to if they had their kid with the nice guy. Your resulting trauma will probably only cement your connection with the nice guy anyway. This is fairly risky as already having a kid can scare off mates, but is not necessarily going to be as risky as trying forever to get with the jerk, who is only going to get with the best of the best, and even then probably not permenantly, or completely loyally.
But then this is all complicated by the ability of nice guys to learn to act like jerks in order to emulate the apparently prime specimens of a species. Worse, guys who are at the bottom of the pile are often jerks too - but this can’t be confused as the same type of jerk as those at the top of the pile. The quality of the jerkishness is entirely different.
So now we’re left with something that may not make sense, but it makes sense that it doesn’t make sense.
Something as callous (but undeniably most effective) as making a girl care for you first, under false pretenses, in order to have sex with her can somehow become what the girl wants… in a way that doesn’t make sense. But it makes sense that it doesn’t make sense.
As far as this relates to terrorists etc., I agree with what’s been said so far. Brains and ethics are hardly the “best” traits in a guy - according to what works (rather than some consistently false protestation of what women WANT to work).
Women who are more chaste are more likely to suffer from this, as they will be less likely to sleep with someone unless they have strong feelings for them, and so are more susceptible to that kind of trap. Girls who, like myself, can separate sex from emotional attachment, are less likely to be hurt by a dickhead, because we don’t catch feelings for the dickhead in the first place, and quite honestly, we catch most of them before they make it into our pants anyway, because we don’t fall for their “charming” bullshit.
I’ll admit that I only read all the way through this once and probably need to revisit, but I have a couple of thoughts.
The huge problem I see with everything you’re saying is that you’re missing a pretty important part of the conversation. It’s true that if you make a woman want you, and then you act like a jerk and stop calling and whatever, she’ll want you more. Is this because women want to be treated badly by men? Have men really figured us out?
I say bullshit. I can tell you exactly why a woman wants you more when you have treated her sweetly for awhile and then turned into a jerk. She fell for a sweet guy. She fell for a decent guy. She now has feelings. She can’t just dismiss them, tell them to go outside and play and not bother her until she’s ready, they’re ever-present. She cares for that guy, and now he’s being a jerk and all she wants is her decent guy back. So she keeps trying. She knows he’s in there somewhere, after all that’s the guy she met, right? Eventually, she figures out that it was a tactic and the guy was really a fucking asshole the entire time. Or maybe she doesn’t give up, and she spends her life in love with someone who never actually existed. Tell me, does that mean that her man has figured out what she wants, or does that mean her man is a fucking douchebag?
Eh, I meant it would take more in both time in effort to Have sex, and for someone in it for sex exclusively would probably not care to put in the time if there are other women he could more easily have sex with.
sounds like the male equivalent of relationship mags by women for women. you prolly werent the target audience for that bit
dont read this below if you’re easily offended
i don’t really care if a woman likes me that much, its better if she does
i just wanna put it in her
many women wanna be chased. so you chase, and then they dont put out, or stop putting out. effort wasted.
men are practical. we want woman to be useful (sounds dirty). men can take care of themselves. women serve a purpose.men dont need a lot. the want to try as little as possible to put it in you. you not putting out = annoying.
get women to try for you rather than chasing, saves everyone a headache. (unless he is actually just playing you, then soz u cry)
but remember this only applies to physically pretty women
personally i’d choose ugly and/or fat + wants me over pretty/dumb/annoying (for the long term)
The weird situation is when you are with those women that you literally can’t fuck hard enough. The type of construction jackhammering that would break the foundation of most other women. You start thinking to yourself, “Damn girl, what are you running away from?”
The only difference between what you’re saying—“a tactic”—and just saying to yourself, “K, stop talking to her so much” is that you see some grand malevolence behind the actions of guys. Ultimately, girls don’t like guys who are always sweet every time, and always reciprocate an attention. That is especially true in the early stages of a relationship.
That whole game where you’re like “Hmm, should I call?” isn’t just some bullshit thing. That happens.
At least it does here in Vancouver, which I’m realizing as I write this, might be the one of the flakiest places on earth.
But I mean, come on. It’s like this:
In any relationship, there is someone who loves/likes the other one more than the other—or at least in the early stages. So the closer that differential is, the more likely the relationship is to work. The further apart the more that one of the parties has to luck out that they are either busy, have the self control to not bug the other person too much, or whatever else.
As time goes on, hopefully the interest in each other grows and levels out. Otherwise, one of the people just ends up finding the other annoying and not really fuckable.
Truth man. I had this chick one time that was like 4’11 and under 100lbs but the thing was like 100% elastic. Only the bladder buster would make her push you off.
That’s where the girl is on her back and her knees are pressed all the way down by her sides and she keeps telling you, “stop you’re making me have to pee!”.
The bladder buster. Its a way to get out of having to finish her off that works every time.