Chuck Norrism

Our religion is very simple. It only demands you recognize that the world is Chuck Norris and nothing besides. And for the rest you are free to go as you please. Chuck Norris sanctions Chuck Norris.

This is the first religion of the 21st century to make sense.
Before becoming known as god, Chuck Norris also had a bridge named after him.

May the Chuck Norris.


Thats right.

"So gently works the cosmos. It is the manifestation of the one possibility for being to occur, namely as that which is nearly perfect, and closing in on perfection for the length of its days. To perfect is to finish, so God sent Satan, I guess, to keep creation flawed, out of pure love and will for it to endure.

I guess God is constantly trying to apologize to us.

“So you get figures like Jesus [or Chuck Norris -ed], who are God enduring human pain absolving humans of responsibility for those things which through Satan they are compelled to perform to keep the universe from thoroughly perfecting itself on any level, so that it must keep up its efforts, which are the only ground to its existence. That it is not there yet. You see what happens with Bilbo or Frodo or anyone who has see the end: they disappear into a mist over cold water. My path is my ground, I stand my ground. That means I walk the Earf, like Caine in Kung Fu.”

I remember seeing that movie when I was a kid and just being like…what the actual fuck am I looking at? Pretty sure that it left some scar on my little kid brain that has had an effect on how I developed as an adult. When he bit into that rat…I mean…that’s as gangster as it gets.

Another type of gangster altogether. Like a Spartan kid thrown into the wild, you were forced to deal with the reality of Chuck Norris at a early age.
Some deal with it later in life. Some… not at all.