I’m currently contriving a system within myself that I know will fail, but will be a good experience in human nature, and within my nature, considering the two may not be so closely related (I might be weird), and thus will be worth it. I’m no longer looking for a balance, but a median to stand on while inwardly I am at both extremes - to train myself to “honestly” be both people at the same time. Balances don’t work because when your possible paths lead two opposite ways, and the ends you’re wanting are on the end, then your balance is simply a shitty little grassy area between the two paths, and you don’t reach either end, and thus doubly disapointed. But with discipline and perseverance, and hell, the want to really be able to do both at once, I may find that I can do it, and enjoy life both now and later, have both pleasures of the body and the mind, the quickly fading joys of living life for the moment and the eternal satisfaction in having completed, or done something, with your life.
To describe the situation to a person that wouldn’t visit a philosophy forum, I would simply say that I wanna go to parties and get laid and also read books and study human nature. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? I should be able to do both, shouldn’t I? But here’s the problem: to come to the extremes of both these paths one must legitimately be there. When my mind is swallowed up in an idea of mine, it’s hard to go to a party and chat with a dumb blonde with a nice ass. But when my mind is completely gone from ideas and only holding thoughts, which either fade quickly or are pondered upon to become ideas, which then can be theories or … then I can go to a party and talk to a cutie and legitimately be interested in what she’s saying and asking simple questions to her and replying with simple answers because at that time, I really am interested. A week later, that same conversation would bore the hell out of me, and though I try my damndest to fake interest, the sixth sense of the other person can always pick up that I no longer care - (the truth, of course, is that I just have other things on my mind.) So to get out of the intricacies of the situation
I’m wondering if I can be the master of both paths. Still hold up my standing as Mick and also dig deep down into life and report my findings as the Vagabond, or Mellow, or whatever name I’m using this week. The trick, I’m thinking, should be similiar to training yourself to pass a lie detector test while lying. If you believe what you tell yourself, you’re fine. Each person holds base values that they rely on for every situation - if I can formulate two separate groundings for my life, which, actually, are the same, since both their aims is the creation of this system, which will ultimately lead to me being a happier person and enjoying life on all fronts. The two sub-bases, on different planes and at first glance completely different, weigh on the deeper, more ultimate base, that of the creation, and perfection, of the system. I’ve got ideas on how to apply it to everyday life, and it’ll be interesting, but I’ll need to train myself on how to jump back and forth between perceptions without even a blink. Of course, this will only come to fruition through trial and error, failed attempts and experiences in the field. But right now, its just an idea on how to better scramble my life.
