I have a friend who just found out his mother is dying - most likely she won’t last until Christmas this year. He asked me – what are some things that he could say to her and his dad. My adivice was filled will all the usual platitudes but knew that I would find some better ideas here at ILP.
Seriously, some of my favorite souls are right here in this forum. Funny how you get to know someone’s personality just by the words that they say. Give me your best shot…
he could say thank you and list all the wonderful things (and even the most mundane things are wonderful when they are absent) for which he is grateful to her for providing to him throughout their shared experiences…
-Imp
Hi Miss Bess. My only suggestion is to remember that it’s all about her (and her husband) and therefore, more about asking questions and listening rather than thinking what to say.
Talking to her is good if it’s for the purpose of opening yourself up and sharing your feelings – thereby encouraging her to do the same.
But ultimately, when all is said and done, everyone just wants to be appreciated for what they have done and loved for who they are. It’s really very simple.
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You know this is touching a bit close to home for me right now but, I suppose making her last days filled with laughter and love is the most important. Death is sad enough without having the about to be deceased dwelling on it too much. give them laughter and love, that is the best gift of parting for both.
Got all the way offline then i thought of something important
A parent doesn’t need a show of grattitude they don’t expect it nor need it. They don’t give birth and love a child for that. They only hope you love them, they only hope you are a better person then they. They only hope you are happy. They only want the best for their child. Give a parent that and you have given them the world.
It only takes one real ‘moment’ to satisfy a true goodbye. That can be accomplished many ways, provided all involved are conscious of it.
Every word I’ve ever said to a loved one meant ‘goodbye.’ You can’t hold on to them or make the time last any longer but you hopefully can spend your time with them within the ineffable. In the moments you share with them, live with them completely.
Whether you have one hour or a hundred years, what more can you do?
One more thing- even in the face of sorrow, try to laugh with them. The older I get the more sincerely I believe that the only time we’re not dying is when we’re laughing.