Evil Me and Evil You

Creative Forums Creative Writing
1

I am on the verge
Of dropping pride
About to diverge
Into the land of lost lives

Called that because there are no lives there;
There all lost
In the land of loose lives
Doing what they please

Flieng through the skies
They have no nuise
Nothing to tie them down
To the cold asphalt ground

But i wear my nuise
Out of choice
Able to make decisions
Able to have vision

Pride is useless
When nobody knows
What you think of yourself
And how truly gross

You know of yourself
Your cruel and selfish
Truly, an evil entity
Some needy,

Because those greedy
Wanting everything they can
Men and women dieng
In third world countries

Accounted for
Only by few
Murdered by evil beings
Known as me and you…

critical comments please

:slight_smile:

2

Good poem. It’s like a recent one by Emorgasm in that the central issue is not so much people in-themselves as people in reference to other people.

The first paragraph is strong, and I like the line with “the cold asphalt ground”.

3

thank u

:smiley:

4

Strong flow to this. And a simple movement of the idea of ‘dropping pride’ because of ‘lost lives’ and ‘loose’ and ‘doing what you please’.

I still think you could tease out this idea more. What exactly are you trying to communciate? How does ‘dropping pride’ and ‘loose lives’ and ‘doing as we please’ releate to the Evil Me and You?

You must try to be clearer in what you are thinking and trying to communicate. Keep the pen rolling, the finers typing, the mind ticking, the ideas identifying.

:smiley: