anger builds inside with
demonic scorch rays of ruin,
laying waste all that he’s spent
a lifetime gathering
and leaving nothing untouched,
leaving nothing unburned,
so what was it all for? he wonders,
distantly through
the breathless pounding of his now useless remnants.
and when no answer comes the anger
turns to solitary pity,
and back again,
in an endless teeter-tottering
of all that is left him.

i may be too presumptuous here, but: i write about my self in the third person a lot too. it sounds too egotistical to write “I this” and “I that” all the time. but if you can detach yourself from pronouns…then you would be crazy…and it would be interesting to read.

not just too egotistical, but too whiny i think. who wants to hear about the whiny ramblings of somebody? yes, third person is more effective (or second person). a lot of times i’ll use first person if i want to make fun of the narrator. (my poem ‘understanding’ for example). the narrator himself can’t see what the reader sees…like a joke the readers are all in on.

this one was just about a mood devouring a man. not me necessarily. although we all have our days.