Expectations

For a long time it felt like a lot of my ‘problems’ were going to go away, for the whole time I thought that these problems would go away, despite their persistance/worsening over about 5 years. I remember reflecting on these problems exactly a year ago, it might as well have been yesterday for how well I remember thinking ‘maybe it’ll be different next year’ i didn’t really believe it, but hoped it was true. It wasn’t.

My whole point is now that I have completely dropped even the frame-work of expectations, I feel a lot better, like someone has lifted some kind of giant mountain off my back.

Anyone deal with these kind of issues before? The power of expectations to make someone not miserable or unhappy, but ‘weighed down’ in some kind of way they don’t even realize.

Situations where looking at the future, as grim as its going to be, makes me feel a lot better than thinking things might get better.

Life would be a lot easier, albeit more of a fucked up drug haze, if I used pain-killers. Just, not a real choice for me, don’t really believe in an after-life, and not willing to cut 20 years of my life, taking fucked up pills from 22+ (well 17+ if i had started back when).

Don’t get me wrong, for some people i’m sure the trade-off is worth it. and even if it was just 20 years of my life, I might do it. But I can’t read on pain-killers, which means I can’t *live on painkillers.

I choose constant pain because, as bad as it is, I can still educate myself. (half the time anyway) which i’ve been unable to do, even on the mildest perscription. Ah well, thats life. I guess my point is, I feel a lot better accepting that i’m not getting better, probably ever, than dreaming that one day I will.

sucks, but i’m happy enough with the conclusion. I guess, I would have came to that conclusion five years ago, had my doctors/etc not continously reassured me that I was going to get better.

I fucking hate doctors, when what they try to treat isn’t well understood/well researched.

I believe I feel the same way as you regarding expectations. It’s best, for me anyway, to drop my expectations of others, but pretty much nobody (save a select group pertaining to philosophy and what is common) that I’ve met in my life live up to them. And I am not lowering my standards for any-fucking-body.

I say, go it alone. Society has ~7bil people on this world. Nobody is going to miss you if you leave. Become free.

Yeah, I suppose I am basically de-sensitized to normal pain. Hit myself in the hand with a hammer the other day, and it hurt, but barely. I guess thats a slight bonus.

Some expectation/pressure can be a good thing/a driver, but they have to be realistic - my one expectation of myself is to be happy, which means that everything I do is geared towards that one goal/all that I do is for my own interests…

We are often the hardest on ourselves, and are all guilty of that - it’s about achieving things, I guess, so that our lives do not seem futile.

Like happy…little…

surrogate

activities.

Because autonomy is everywhere.

Why.

Shouldn’t.

I.

Be.

Happy.

I just wish it didn’t take me five years to come to the conclusion that this wasn’t going to go away, I didn’t exactly put my life on hold waiting for it; but my life has been largely complicated and preoccupied with attempting to treat/get rid of this problem. that seems to have, very little, if any working treatments.

preoccupied with shit that doesn’t matter/that I can’t change at this point. A lot of wasted thought/effort that could have went into better things.

I guess i’d have never have known otherwise though, I guess I could only know it was a waste after I already tried. Its not abnormal to try and treat chronic pain over the years, what was abnormal was I essentially refused to admit that I had a lasting problem, somthing that wasn’t going to just go away randomly.

my hugest problem is that medical experts for TMJ don’t really exist, theres a few scattered ‘experts’ but mainly, it crosses all these different fields of medicine, dentistry, neurology, muscle-skeletal issues, joint disease.

Each specialist you go to, has a tiny fraction of the picture, and they think they can treat you just fine, ignoring every other area of medical expertise that the problem encompasses.

For example, the doctors keep telling me i’m going to get better, but as i’ve read, some thing like 70% of cases of TMJ envolve damage to the TMJ disc, scientists don’t know what purpose it serves, how it serves to function, it can’t repair itself, and isn’t replacable right now by any well known synthetic material. How can they tell me i’m going to get better, when 1. a lot of people NEVER do, and 2. they don’t understand the structure, at all.

(70% of the people who go through scanning anyway, suggesting its people with lasting problems. maybe not 70% of people who ever experience brief facial pain).

Another example is my doctor tried me out on this muscle-relexant. I said while I was there, that i was well aware that theres no evidence or clinical trial evidence that would support the medications use in treatment of what he was handing it to me for, well, told me to take them anyway because its not somthing particularly easy to treat.

They did nothing. Might as well have been taking candy.

Keep in mind that i brutally limit my doctors choices for what he could even begin to perscribe me, but still.

I could use a joint right now, haha.

When I make posts like these I’d like it if people didn’t assume i’m miserable. I’m not, I enjoy my life quite a lot, i’d say more than most people seem too. I’m prone to complaining from time to time, despite how good my life is.

thats what is basically comes down too.

I guess that you are driven by the same thing that drives me: pain. Philosophy is my artistic expression as a result of this pain.

The problem is, I don’t seem to be a “good” philosopher… :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

:evilfun:

You’ll figure it out in time Cyrene; I’m pretty confident in that.

Exactly!

Why shouldn’t I/why shouldn’t any individual live a happy life? I am not going to suspend my happiness in sympathy for others, but I do have sympathy for others - would you say that you are a judgemental person Echo? :-k Negative emotions hinder personal growth and happiness: I’ve been there, and it’s a self-depreciating place to be…

I thought you said you had made your ailment up? :-k Anyway, if you can cope without the life-shortening medication then that’s obviously the better choice - have you tried meditation to ease tenstion? I had nervous facial ticks in my teens to 20s, and meditation helped me rid myself of them - facial ticks are a minor neuro-muscular ailment, but I’m sure meditation will have a positive effect on your more debilitating ailment too.

if your desires are unachieveable change your desires. it seems like you understand and have implemented that bit of logic.