What is this foolishness?
Where does such energy come from?
How irrational!
How human!
How unlike me!
This foolishness has consumed me.
And yet I try to ignore it.
Nausea rests inside my stomach.
Blood blazes inside my veins.
Eyes squint and furrow themselves inside my face.
And my mind is suffocated by thoughts of you.
Why is this so?
This must be an obsession
or maybe I only wish it to be so
Maybe it is just another lie
For I fear what it may be, Love.
Love, which I have never known
And have never wished to know.
But now,
my beloved friend is who I want to know,
But I do not know how to go about this.
And fear and love are battling inside my being?
And fear has seized me
I am locked inside of myself.
Yet desperately my heart pounds to speak to my lover
I wish him no harm.
But his face of pained indifference
shows that I am wrong.
Or perhaps,
the expression of indifference that resides on my beloved’s face
is only a reflection of me.
Why do these feelings persist
when I do not know him
And believe that I will never be able to?
What do I have to offer?
I am not social. nor graceful nor public.
I am quiet and eccentric and quite serious.
See beloved,
We must be mistaken.
For I do not even know if I could be a very good friend.
Maybe,
some odd energy force
is toying with my mind.
Is it not possible that this is not real?
Ah, but when I speak of the possibility of this, I wish to retract such a statement?
For the only thing I truly wish not to be real is any hurt that this illusion might cause for you?
This engulfment of my spirit exhausts me.
Yet energy flows from this exhaustion
And thoughts of you and your compassion rush through me.
What am I to do?
What will happen