Haiku

[size=50]…[/size]when the wine is good,

[size=50]…[/size]my thoughts are like the leaves that

[size=50]…[/size]rustle in the wind

Hoping not to sound old schoolmarmish here–after all it is a good poem–but, traditional Japanese haiku does not include similes. You have to go for metaphor, but preferred is simply an image of some natural phenomenon with no moral interpretations. Western similes and metaphors are common in what the Japanese call a sinru (SIC), which utilizes the 5/7/5 beat pattern . Did I mention that you wrote a good poem? Many of the poems in Haiku Tag are not haiku,including some of mine.

 That's because similes are descriiptions and desriptions are pictures of objects. They connote some thing.

 Metaphors are are like begging for connexions . They are like connectors, objectlessly. Ideally , generally, non referentially?, what's the motive enlightenment? Or is it the end product? - an effortless effort, an insubstantial content, an enlightened learning (a learned enlightenment )

When the wine is good

[size=50]…[/size]my thoughts are with the leaves

[size=50]…[/size]that rustle in the wind

Thanks guys! I was torn between the 2 versions. I’m not really sure why I went with the first one.

Love it.

Now that’s haiku!!!

Thanks.

Thanks again, Ierellus -for the suggestion as well

You’re welcome. Keep up the creative writing. In doing haiku, think Zen.

I tend to work from a Zen Nihilism:

not as pure as actual Zen

but still tapped into the nothingness

… . [size=50]…[/size].[size=50]…[/size].[size=50]…[/size].

The, “When the wine is good,” one was most excellent!

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[size=112]Working really hard

on the internet all day

guess I’ll get off now.[/size]

.

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[size=50]…[/size]

[size=112]The water is truth

a vine we all must reach for

tell us how you see[/size]

.

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[size=112]
Time is in our head

ain’t no body got time for that

love philosophy
[/size]

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Bill, 5/7/5 does not always a haiku make, just as rhyme doesn’t often make a poem–
“Two parallel lines, however neat,
Will never,ever, ever meet.” Example of a non-poem I leaned in college.
Haiku–a word picture that can evoke recognition in a reader, without submitting to poetic devices. It’s simply a picture.
Here’s a rough example–
Frog on lily pad,
Frightened by a sudden sound,
Leaps to other pads.
Don’t we all?

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[size=112]

I appreciate what you are saying and I appreciate your creation of this thread.

I worked to craft my Haiku upon the strict definitions as I understand them;

the juxtaposition of two images or ideas

three phrases of 5, 7 and 5 on

the incorporation of a kigo
[/size]

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Ierrellus, with all due respect, I gotta give Bill some props for working the haiku to an edgier form:

he is, actually, referring to the basic human condition.

However, I will agree that it falls well outside of the spirituality we normally associate with haiku.

whether that is good or bad is up to the nothingness,

the random roll of the dice,

to decide.

Sounds like a more basic form of the rhizomatic network and epistemology described by Delueze and Guattarri.

And isn’t there a Zen-like way of thinking involved in the postmodern disposition?

And doesn’t the analytic rejection of it feel like fear of uncertainty?

Or a sense of shame in the face of science?

But isn’t there, at the bottom of this, a fear of seeming non-functional:

a fear of not being worthy of being compensated,

in the Capitalistic system we live in,

for what we do?