Here is a nice article called: Introverts unite! (Quietly.) from the Introverts Corner of Psychology Today.
Me, when I was young people used to try to force me into social interaction, but I much preferred reading back in my room. I only wanted to come out and interact when I was ready, but of course there were many times when I had to get out and join people on their timeline. That’s why it was so nice to grow old and gain control over my own time. Anyway – Along the way, I noticed that If I’m in group interaction like a meeting, a party, a family get together, or a work situation, I generally last about an hour before I start to get itchy and just want to get out. If it becomes a sustained interaction, after a while I get physically and mentally tired. Sometimes I might turn cranky, get emotional about something, or pick a fight (unless I can find a place to chill out and regroup); and that might also become a way of finding an excuse to leave so I can get back to my little introvert heaven, read a book, poke around online, take a walk, or just sit with my thoughts for a while or meditate. Even driving around alone is blissful to me; sometimes I like to explore the world and other times I just like to drive on automatic robot and let my thoughts take over. I am a happy soul.
I’m with you Jonquil, being an introvert n’all - I have learnt to exhibit some extrovert behaviour through my education and through work… I found it hard-going at first, but as I got older it became a breeze…
I get annoyed by extroverts when they try and make me be like them, otherwise I’m cool with them in a social setting, but, even then, I’m probably up in my own head
My youngest brother is in extravert heaven. He and his wife, who already have one daughter, just adopted four more kids; and he has skads of friends. Me, a totally different story and happy for it. Go figure.
I’m the same – would MUCH prefer an evening in the company of 4-6 good friends than at some large gala where you spend the evening making small talk with strangers and trying to remember everyone’s name.
As a parent you have no choice but to do that at countless school functions, fundraisers and parent socials, and I’ve come to accept that I do much better – and enjoy oh-so-much more – being part of a committee where I can interact with a smaller group and actually get to know a few of the people. I can do the small talk and schmoozing if I have to, because sometimes it’s just necessary, but it generally requires effort. The “drained by interaction” things sounds about right to me. I enjoy a night out with close friends and/or family, but other than that, I guess I’m mostly a homebody at heart.
I often wonder how much of that is innate.
My two sons are very similar to me in that regard, but then again my daughter is the total opposite – loves being social, very comfortable meeting new people and prefers to spend most of her time in the company of others.
Same here. I just love it when I’m in a small group having an interesting conversation. It got me thinking that maybe I don’t have much stamina for small talk, and that a topic that grabs me increases my staying power.
Perhaps it is splitting hairs, but I always thought that introversion was reserved for those who prefer to be alone, uncomfortable in even a small group. I don’t see that in any posts so far. There have been all sorts of studies which show that communication is fostered in small group settings of 4 to 8 people. Once past that number, communication becomes more generalized , more superficial, more like the typical “cocktail party chatter”.
The small group tendencies are seen even here in ILP. We all have a certain group of people that we habitually will read and to whom we will respond. Sure, we occasionally post to this or that thread, but in the main, we talk to the 4 to 8 group of people. The reasons and motives for this are complex, and probably different for each person, but the pattern is easily recognized.
I doubt that anyone in this thread is an introvert. It just might be that everyone here is normal. Sorry if I’ve disappointed you…
I think that we are introverts, and that great conversations with small groups of friends can add to the enjoyment of being around people. Extraverts as well might enjoy small group conversations as well.
In my case, as an introvert who finds herself antsy after being around people too long, a great conversation can give me new life. Thus, I think it’s perfectly natural for anyone to enjoy good intelligent conversation.
Haha Tent, you couldn’t be more wrong about me (and probably AnitaS and Jonquil too) as introverts learn to be more sociable… or we wouldn’t be able to hold down jobs or have any life at all, now would we
I used to stutter, panic, become anxious, and get a nervous eye twitch when I had to talk to more than one person at once (i.e. a group conversation) in my teens, but luckily I learnt to overcome that when I hit my 20s/graduated… which was kinda handy for work purposes/interviews, lol.
I would say that I am now very comfortable in any social situation, but I do get mad/regress when introverts try to push my buttons I think they get off on it…
…which reminds me of the point that most extroverts seem to deny the existence of introversion, and only believe us when we stand our ground and fight our corner, yet it is plain for us to see that they are extroverted.
I could be wrong, but I think we all have to learn to be sociable. After all, the world revolves around ME, and others just screw up my perfect world. I’m the best loner in the world. I can disappear for days and be perfectly happy with myself. But I hate to be alone. Does that make sense? What is introversion fits the individual perfectly, but we are social animals as well (damn the luck) and that is the sand in the vaseline… To me, the introvert is the person who shuns social contact to an extreme, and while I might consider you extreme in some interesting ways, you aren’t an introvert or you wouldn’t be here. But I’ll agree that the “learning curve” is variable depending on the individual. I was in my late thirties before I actually began enjoying being around people and only because parenting forced the issue. I still hate crowds and am only truly comfortable in a small group setting. I’m not an introvert, just a reluctant extrovert… I think that prolly fits most of the people in this thread.
JT,
I get what you’re saying, very probably none of us here would want to spend all of our time alone (our very presence here belies that assertion). You may not use the terms introvert and extrovert, but I still think there is a distinction that can be made.
I think it’s mostly a matter of degree, comfort level, and preference. Sure, we all do have to learn to be sociable. But I don’t have to consider myself anti-social or a loner to consider myself an introvert. I’m just more comfortable reflecting inward than I am outward. I can make a large-group presentation if I have to, but I don’t enjoy it. Some people thrive in the spotlight, some do not; I definitely don’t.
Maybe it’s just a matter of different definitions of “introvert”?
According to Jung, introversion and extraversion are defined energetically. An introvert gains energy when alone and loses it when around people, and the opposite for extraverts. An introvert can do well in social settings, be comfortable in the spotlight, and all that, but gets tired after awhile; whereas an extravert, even one who does not do so well in social settings or the spotlight, gains energy when around people.
My family has some of each. My mother was an extravert who loved being around people, had lots of friends, and could go hours and hours in a social setting; but she was never comfortable in the spotlight, although she’d make a speech if she thought she was helping people. My youngest brother and a nephew are also extraverts with lots of friends and love social settings. Me… I love parties and social settings, but after awhile I get tired and need to get away. If I don’t want to leave the setting completely, I’ll just go off to be by myself for a few minutes and then return.
My extravert nephew had a very hard time growing up because his mother and stepfather were both introverts, and he was going crazy for lack of social interaction in the house. They went to seek professional help, and the psychiatrist told them that he was an extravert in an introverted house and needed social interaction. They worked through that, and he was a different boy after that… much happier.
Introverts still interact/need to interact but on our own terms and at our own pace, whereas extroverts force the interaction/their agenda which is what drains any introverts present of their energy and they go within to recoupe.
Introversion is not bad at all. I am extremely introverted and extremely excited by my own thoughts and ideas based upon the intake of the world around me. Loud events are extremely lacking of fulfillment for me and leave me more drained than satisfied. I spent hours reading writing and enjoying my life as an introvert but have learned to deal with my introverted self during social interactions as well. I keep really silent while conversations go on and I intake the interactions around me. I get picked on because I am not outgoing but I always make sure to pick on people who allow their mouths to be to loud when I know they are wrong. When something comes across my attention that I know is wrong and hurts my intelligence on an issue personality I will attack verbally with a vengeance providing the latest research and statistics I have read on the subject. It sometimes gets me in trouble and people have literally shut up after I have spoke in the past. I can debate extremely well when I feel it is nescessary. However many debates are beyond my interest because I feel I am to good to even begin explaining them. So there are a lot of benefits and consequences to being an introvert. But I will not change this part of me. I can only strengthen my weaknesses.
(i.e. a group conversation) in my teens, but luckily I learnt to overcome that when I hit my 20s/graduated… which was kinda handy for work purposes/interviews, lol.
I think they get off on it… 