Hi Mary Ann.
I am sorry to hear you suffer from depression.
It seems when living with depression, one doesn’t realise one is depressed, apart from being diagnosed that is.
Just remember you are NOT alone, and one day I wish for you to hear the sweet sound of the birds singing as you step out into the warm sunlight.
As far as I’m aware, no-one knows why we dream. Or indeed what dreams are, there purpose or indeed if they have a purpose.
Yes, I too have had many dreams where I have been aware that I was dreaming and could control my dreams. When this happens I try to fly, and more often than not, can fly.
Waking from dreams has left me in many states.
Very often I am left with some sort of feeling, on waking as I am dreaming. This can range from exhausted to ecstatic or just feeling wierd.
Some dreams I am aware of I seem to be trying to work out some sort of problem, my mind goes round and round looking at <insert object, facts, etc here>, trying to organise them and look for links or solutions.
Other times when I have been playing an online game like EverQuest for long stints, which can involve extremely repetative tasks, I find that I carry on playing the game in my head when I fall asleep. Especially if I had been trying to achieve a goal in the game and never managed to before I logged off.
While not exactly the same as dreaming, I can be aware of it, but it seems more ‘factual’ compared to a dream where things would be surreal.
You ask if we think it is possible that you ran your dreams, or if you dreamt you were controlling your dreams.
I answer that in my opinion, yes you probably were running or controlling your dreams.
I see it as comparable to a waking state. Take for example riding a bike (I would say driving a car, but I’m not sure if you are old enough yet to have experienced that?)
When you are learning to ride a bike, you have to give it your full atttention, you have to be very aware of what your body is doing, your balance, speed, direction. Your vision is used alot for these skills.
After some practice of training your brain to use ‘riding a bike skills’, your brain gets the hang of it and you can do it without thinking about it.
Do you still control or run ‘riding a bike skills’?
I would say yes, but you are not aware of it.
You make few if any concious discisions about riding the bike.
It just flows.
Like dreams, they just flow…
Unless you are concious or aware of them, then you have options, concious discisions you can make about what will happen.
Maybe the more aware we are of things the more choices we have open to us? Not just in dreaming but in the waking state also?
There are those that say that the waking state is just a different kind of dream. The more aware we are of it, the more we can control it.
Just out of interest, would you say you are an Empath?
Just incase you or anyone else reading this is not aware what an empath is I will try to explain.
An Empath would be someone who feels others pain, gets upset in sympathy for others, and can even go as far as subconciously acting out senarios that they are aware others have experienced.
Maybe some of your dreams occur when you as an empath are trying to understand or help share the pain (as others see it) of another individual, these individuals need not be friends, it may just be something you witnessed on TV or a movie. The mind soaks up anything it is witness to I feel.
Maybe this ‘sharing of the pain’ is what is upsetting you?
Not saying this is what is happening, but just a thought.
Anyway, I really wish you sweet dreams, the courage to face up to reality (what ever that maybe, I’m still finding out!) and strength to get you through the tough times.
Much love.
MentulZen