Is it a natural position?
We know of animals that mate for life and those that do not, but what of humans? Is there a natural position for us?
I think its so varied within the human race its hard to say. I know men who absolutely WANT to be in a solid relationship, and those who absolutely and never would want to be and would rather sow their seed! Same goes for women.
Although apparently statistics say that men live longer when married and women don’t live longer when married.
in short, i have no clue.
We have institutionalized monogamy and de-facto polygamy. 50% of marriages fail, and most humans have a few mates before marriage, and 50% of marriages failing is upfront, thats not including cheaters. So, yeah, most people have more then 1 mate in a lifetime.
Theres probably an evolutionary stable strategy between those who sleep around a lot and those who stick with a mate, monogamy exists, but a combination of both is probably ‘natural’ with a lot more people on the polygamy side.
You’d also have to ask whats natural for males and females individually, as we have different sexual strategies at large. The anwser would still be the same, but it highlights interesting facts anyway.
Also, I think the reason (mainly) for religion encouraging marriage and monogamy was first and foremost to keep people free from diseases. Or at least to try! Then of course the woman HAD to be a virgin (so that the man KNEW it was his offspring), and he could have as many floozies as he liked!!
I think women have different wants from relationsihps these days. They have more freedom to choose their partners now that they are making their own money. Wherea’s before she HAD to marry money/status/security because it was the only way she could survive having been not allowed to be educated (apart from in needlework and music and art and other ladylike passtimes, in the upper classes of society at least). Whereas now women are able to choose for different reasons - ie, actually being attracted to someone physically and mentally. The only problem for women comes if and when she wants children. We have a ticking clock which men (on the whole) do not. Some women of course don’t hear the clock and aren’t interested - but I think most have a deep desire to have babies. (i’m not one of them).
I’ve had male friends in the past who cringe at the thought of one night stands, and others who’s eyes sparkle at the thought! I think its so individual we can’t possibly generalise.
I think the reason for relationships being so 50/50 is that most people (most people and friends i’ve ever talked to about relationships), choose for all the wrong reasons. ie, they’re terrified of being single and feel pressured to be in a relationship. They fall into relationships (big night out, end up in bed, then just go out and get comfortable and then are afraid to be single again). The amount of women I know who just go from one serious monogamous relatoinship into the next, without a single moment single always astounds me. And they wonder why they don’t last.
I think play the field if thats what you want to do, and do it as safely as possible (and get tested regularly), and if you are with someone, stay faithful (and if you are tempted to stray… DUMP the person before you do so!!!).
I really think it might be a bit more obvious then that.
-
Men don’t act well under situations where women might be impregnated by another man, men have a lot of anti-cuckholdry devices: sexual jealousy, facial recognition based on facial resembelence of a babies face… etc etc etc.
-
If they’re a virgin when you sleep with them, theres no chance you’re raising another person’s baby.
Many world religions have this obsession about virginity, and I think it has alot more to do with male anticuckholdry then some rational attempt to stop the spread of disease, especially since in most other religions the price for not being a virgin can and is more often then would would suspect: Blood.
I think a huge reason why some societies stress monogamy is because it reduces the amount of violent crime a lot, whether intentionally or not, de-facto polygamy and institutionalized monogamy, keep in mind the church isn’t actually forcing us ‘monogamous civs’ to actually engage in monogamy. But some religions support polygamy too, and the result is a lot of violence for certaina ge groups.
Females like money/status/secruity a lot because adaptations make them look for those things in a mate, can you guess what the most likely indictator of how beautiful someones wife is? its socio-economic, females still cross-culturaly rate status, wealth and protection the highest for the same reasons that we still have sex with condoms and birth-control, our adaptations are blind to our ‘current’ environments since we ‘evolved’ in hunter/gatherer groups.
Yes, the husband and the person who impregnates her aren’t always the same, somtimes you want the genes for the baby and the best person to look after that baby, one of the things to look at when discussing female sexuality.
But we can because 1. Theres too many factors to consider but theres a science based on this and a lot of things matter. Age, time of the year, unconsciousness genetic strings pulling on them. Lots of guys who dread the idea of a one night stand, end up in one night stands, lots of people who ‘fall’ in love, do so to better decieve their partners, by decieving themselves, and then fall out of love after sexual relations.
- Lots of sexual decision making is unconscious, so people can be inaccurate.
- statistically males/females radically differ in their sexual choice-making.
- Statistically males/females engage in one strategy or another so much more often then other groups in their sex, that we can generalize.
4.we can explain differences in choices through genes, environment and evolutionary stable strategies.
human minds are a mix of adaptations striving to reach goals, somtimes with each other and somtimes against. As a male if you find a ‘perfect mate’ its genetically advantageous for you to sleep around still, but its genetically advantageous for you to stay togetrther and raise children with that person too, so, that explains it there, theres different adaptations for different things and they strive against each other at times.
This was simplistic and I never feel comfortable explaining it this way, but there are genetically unconscious aspects to sex, we c an make massive generalizations (because they do exist) and etc. The issue is largely understood but its not a ‘clear cut issue’ like i’m making it seem.
One thing to stress is that genes/environment are important, people actually unconscious adopt habits depending on how many other men who are around that 1. sleep around so much, and 2.don’t.
so many factors come into play that theres no way to explain it without half a book.
If the argument’s focus is on whether or not monogamy is natural, then an argument need be made about what is natural and what isn’t, and why, but personally I think this is a useless endeavor that will probably end up in a useless biconditional. Sort of like, something is natural if and only if it’s red, therefore if something is blue, then it’s unnatural. Problem here is that there is no argument that can accurately describe what belongs to nature, and what stands outside it. It’s a matter of limited perspective.
If the argument is about whether the majority of people on earth are monogamous or not, well, there isn’t any real argument here. Most people have multiple partners even while married. It seems people in general prefer multiple partners. Love, as the chemical reaction, has been shown to fade after a short while. For 5 to 7 years, I think, which is incidentally the amount of time the couple need stay together so the baby survives its first fragile years of life.
If the argument is about whether people would be more comfortable if monogamy wasn’t the norm, then here I’m of mixed opinions. Personally, I find myself possessive and jealous when in a relationship, so I’m inclined to think that I’m of a monogamous disposition. But I’ve seen others who can stand, and even prefer, polygamous affairs. Though, I think the majority share my sentiments on this. I think the majority of people are also possessive of their mates, so if this is the argument, then I guess I disagree with it’s conclusions. I think people are more comfortable in monogamous relationships, and uncomfortable if and when their partners sleep around. The majority anyways. The popularity of monogamy, even in atheistic societies, ought to be enough proof for this.
But maybe it’s like this. Polygamy is acceptable for all people if there is a condition to it. That the polygamists parters be monogamous to the polygamist. In other words, I wouldn’t mind it if I was a poligamist. I’d be comfortable with it. But I wouldn’t be comfortable if my wives were polygamists too [size=30](unless it was with eachother)[/size] 
Contrary to popular belief, monogamy and marriage are NOT inventions of religion.
They have existed in every culture throughout history, long before the Bible, and in cultures that are no way related.
That suggests that it is a natural phenomenon, but at the same time I assume divorce, polygamy, or other forms of multiple partnerships have also existed the same.
It doesn’t have to be so black and white. I think a good way to understand it is that there is a natural drive to monogamy and marriage, but it is a limited drive. The bonds are strong, but at the same time, they can be broken due to strong personality conflicts or personal catastrophe or what have you. You can also assume the drive is stronger in some individuals than others.
I think this is very much a topic best chaulked up to “to each his/her own.”
Yes, to each his/her own is always a good one to go by.
And yeah, i understand that marriage has been around longer than say… christianity. But most religions tend to take the female as property of the male - and that fits with the whole making sure its your offspring thing again too.
I think the people who’s monogamous feelings for antoher continues for many years, are very lucky - but I think that its rare for it to go on that long and that its more likely to be a few years, sometimes only a couple for the ‘honeymoon’ to wear off.
I would say that both monogamy and polygamy is natural.