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1

Everyone finds meaning in their lives in different ways. For you, even if you were depressed and didn’t have your good moods, what might bring your life meaning would be just focusing on and doing things in your life anyway and helping others such as your family. For me, it is different. My good moods are the source of all good meaning in my life. They are the only things that bring my life meaning.

You see, other things in this life alone in of themselves cannot bring our lives any meaning. It is our brains that do the job since it is our brains that perceive meaning from those things to begin with. So for you, the thinking area of your brain would give your life good meaning because if you were depressed and didn’t have your good moods, you would focus and think to yourself that you are still going to continue to live anyway and not give up.

But for me, it is instead a different area of my brain that gives my life good meaning. It is not the thinking area of my brain. It is instead the area of my brain that gives me my experience of my good moods. Thoughts alone and whatnot without my good moods are nothing more than just thoughts to me (nothing more than an intellectual experience that doesn’t give my life any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration).

Without my good moods due to me having this chronic 24/7 anhedonia as well as depression, then my life is nothing but an empty void that can never be filled. I’ve had this anhedonia for over a year and my life still feels empty (meaningless) no matter how much focus I have put into things. It would be no different than if I took everything away from you that gave your life meaning. Your life would be like mine. It too would be nothing but an empty void that can never be filled.

The only way to bring your life meaning again would be for you to regain regain the things that bring your life meaning. As long as you cannot gain anything to bring your life meaning, then your life will always remain meaningless like mine. So as long as I cannot get my good moods back, then my life will always remain meaningless and it will always be like that unless there is some way to somehow recover my good moods. To somehow recover from this anhedonia as well as my depression.

But if I have to instead live most or my entire life without my good moods sufficiently or fully back to me, then I am done here. I’m out of this life. I will end my life and that is final. I will have my mom drive me to some place where they can put me to sleep permanently. I was told by my doctor that my anhedonia is a negative symptom of schizophrenia. Negative symptoms of schizophrenia tend to always persist. Even if they do sufficiently or fully recover, they keep coming back again and persist again. If that is the case, then I will end my life.

I had a composing dream I wanted to live for. I have to admit, this would of been the greatest moment of my life only if I had my good moods to bring my life immense good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration from my composing dream. But that is just a pipe dream now. Just when I thought I had the greatest moment of my life to live for, that is when I immediately developed this anhedonia due to depression from a panic disorder (phobias).

I will give up on my composing dream and this life itself since my good moods are all that matter to me and are the only things that can bring my life good meaning from my family, goals/dreams, and this life, nature, and universe. I don’t care if I was somehow the next greatest intelligent/creative genius who helped/inspired others all around the world and changed the world. That still would be “dead” (meaningless) to me without my good moods.

But I at least want you to know who I am as a person and the way I think in any event that there can be any possible help for me to somehow find good meaning in my life having depression and anhedonia. I do not think this is possible at all though since I will always think I will always need my good moods to bring my life meaning. So with that being said, I am now going to present to you two different personality types and who I am as a person. It is my inner personality:

Personality Type #1: Wild, free, epic, insane, unstable, transcending, powerful, manic, lethal and dangerous to those who pose name-calling and insult/scorn, profoundly and deeply emotional, only finds good meaning in life through his/her good moods, wishes to always be up and running in a good mood and have a great time, wishes to live an eternal blissful life of no suffering unlike others who would go bored/insane from living such a life, enraged/psychotic, like a wild animal, intense, out of control, not accepting/content of living a depressed/anhedonic life, not much of a moral person at all who finds no good meaning living a moral life who only wishes to be like a free and wild animal in a heightened good mood, would never live life at the expense of his/her good moods and only does things in life to be in a good mood since his/her good moods are the very things that drive/inspire him/her.

Personality Type #2: Humble, sane, stable, non-emotional, poses no harm/danger, in control, intellectual, accepting/content, is completely fine living a settled down intellectual life without good moods and even depressed, highly moral, doesn’t need to be up and running in a good mood and can live to just simply focus on and do things, would seek intelligence and the truth and do something with his/her life at the complete expense of his/her good moods, would never be fine living an eternal blissful life and needs/values suffering/intellect over being in a good mood.

There are two brain regions that define each personality type. Personality type #1 needs the brain region known as the Nucleus Accumbens to find good meaning in his/her life which is the brain region responsible for our experience of our good moods. It is a primitive brain region. Our emotional (limbic system) is a primitive system of our brains. Personality type #2 needs the logical thinking area of his/her brain known as the prefrontal cortex. This is the newer evolved brain region.

But personality types 1 and 2 are both enemies and one could never live the life of the other. They are in conflict. They are at odds with one another.

Personality type #1 would say:

“What’s so great about this newer evolved thinking brain region? It is so dull, lifeless, and boring! I need to party and have a great time. I need some excitement in my life here. I need to be a constant generating ball of transcending energy through my good moods. How dare you reduce yourself to being nothing more than some lifeless, dull, boring, and bland intellectual machine! You would rather not live an eternal blissful life in a pretend situation and would just rather die as some rotting piece of meat who is prone to suffering/depression to only just forever remain dead in the end? How pathetic!”

Personality type #2 would say:

“What’s so great about this lesser evolved primitive brain region responsible for our good moods? It is so animalistic, wild, and primitive! I need some intelligence and moral ways in my life. I need to live my life on the quest for truth, knowledge, making the world a better place, and intelligence at the expense of these primitive instincts. How dare you reduce yourself to nothing more than your primal instincts and nothing more than some primitive and wild animal! You would rather just live your life as some primitive wild animal for all eternity at the expense of your intelligence and morality? How pathetic!”

But I can assure you that if personality type #1 had to live the lifestyle of personality type #2 or if personality type #2 had to live the lifestyle of personality type #1, they would commit suicide. If you were to take away personality type #1’s good moods, then he/she can now only live the lifestyle of personality type #2. It is a completely incompatible life for him/her. For that very reason, he/she would end his/her life. It would be the most horrendous life for him/her.

I can easily say the same for personality type #2. If personality type #2 had to live a lifestyle in which his/her thinking/intelligence was all shut down and he/she could not have it anymore and was reduced to living his/her life as personality type #1, then he/she would also become suicidal since this is a lifestyle that is completely incompatible with him/her. It would be the most horrendous life for him/her.

Personality type #1 is a hedonist while personality type #2 is a non-hedonist. But to expect personality type #1 to convert over to personality type #2 would be no different than expecting personality type #2 to convert over to personality type #1. That would never happen. Not in a million years. Personality type #2 would utterly detest personality type #1 and would never want to live a life like that. He/she would view it as utterly inferior and primitive/selfish.

But at the same time, personality type #1 would view personality type #2 as utterly inferior as well. He/she would view it as living like that of nothing more than a lifeless inferior biological machine. So since each personality type views one another as meaningless and inferior, then there is just simply no reason for one to convert over to the other. They would rather die than give up who they are as people. If there is somehow a way for one to convert over to the other, then one would have to somehow find the other to be of greater meaning. I don’t think this ever happens. If it does, then I think it is rare and does not apply to me.

Futhermore, to think that I am selfish would be the mental health stigma we all see today against depressed people such as myself. You have absolutely no idea how much I have suffered here. It is through my suffering of depression and anhedonia that has made me realize just how vital our good moods are. At least, for me anyway.

If you call me such names such as childish and selfish (my family and therapist wouldn’t since they care about me), then go onto any depression support group forum and call those same depressed/anhedonic people like me these names as well. You will be scorned or even banned by the highly compassionate and supportive staff members of that site. Which just goes to show you here what type of person you are. Now I do not view personality type #2s as inferior human beings or anything like that. I only view the lifestyle of personality type #2 as utterly inferior and meaningless to me. That is, I would and never could be fine/accepting living like that.

But unfortunately, I am living in a personality type #2 universe. Since this life consists of much suffering/depression, suffering/depression is an inevitable part of life, our good moods are things that are very fleeting, death is something inevitable and that once you die, there is no afterlife, then this life is a personality type #2 universe. It is completely incompatible with me. It absolutely calls for a personality type #2 which isn’t me at all. I am living a life that isn’t who I am. I can’t be who I need to be and I can’t live the way I need to live.

The only life that is compatible for me would be a personality type #1 universe which, apparently, does not exist and is only a fantasy. It would be a utopia life. An eternal blissful life of no more suffering, depression, and anhedonia. But I am an atheist/materialist and do not believe in the afterlife. It is for this very reason that hedonists are far more miserable than non-hedonists. They are personality type #1s living in a personality type #2 universe.

When a person struggles with a life of depression/anhedonia and knows that when he/she dies that will forever be the end, then if he/she were to think to his/herself that his/her life can still have much good meaning anyway and that what is important in life is the legacy he/she leaves behind and not his/her good moods, then this is a moral non-hedonistic way of life. That life does not agree with me at all. It would drive me to a psychotic rage and end up in me becoming suicidal just as how the moral non-hedonistic individual would also become psychotically enraged/suicidal living a hedonistic life instead (an eternal blissful life of no suffering).

It’s almost as if the moral non-hedonists I hate (the ones who call me names such as selfish and childish) have created their own personality type 2 universe and have put me in it just so that I can be a slave to them and their moral non-hedonistic advice/ways of life. It seems so convenient in their favor. I mean, how convenient. It is a life that consists of so much inevitable suffering/depression and that when you die, you die and that is it. No eternal blissful afterlife as a reward. It is the perfect life for a non-hedonist. So how lucky for them! I am a slave to my enemies and they win and I lose!

I wish to have absolutely nothing to do with these people and their non-hedonistic way of life. If only there were some way I could somehow magically transform this universe into a personality type 1 universe in order to make them suffer and for me to be happy for all eternity. Then they would understand how it feels. As for me being an atheist/materialist, I would rather have the deluded belief in an eternal blissful afterlife even if that said life does not actually exist.

This is because I am not the type of person to sacrifice my good moods for wanting to know the truth about this universe. I would just rather have this deluded belief in the afterlife anyway just to give me the thought of hope/comfort and that I would oneday win over my enemies, win over the suffering, death, and depression/anhedonia of this life, and would finally be free for all eternity and live the eternal blissful life I need to live. But I don’t think I can ever have this belief since I am an atheist/materialist. I have a very strong conviction of atheism/materialism that I don’t think can be persuaded otherwise, unfortunately.

Although I am very intellectual, it is only for the sake of my good moods since they are important to me and are all that matter to me. I am a very intelligent and creative composer. Therefore, my intelligence and creativity is only used for a hedonistic purpose. If I were to be a genius composer right now in a pretend situation and I were to have all these compositions I have made in front of me, then of course I would want to sit there and listen to them all time and time again and share them with others. Any composer would want to do that.

But unlike the non-hedonistic composers who would simply just find immense good meaning in the thought alone of listening and sharing them without their good moods, my sole reason for composing is to get manic highs off of listening and sharing them. That is it. Not to just have the thought that I did something great with my life and not to just sit there and intellectually observe/listen to my compositions without my good moods. I do not wish to be a personality type #2 when living my life and being a composer at all.

This even applies to helping/inspiring others all around the world through my compositions in a pretend situation. As long as I am anhedonic or, even much worse, depressed, then it means nothing to me. Everything in my life is still all completely bleak and “dead” (meaningless). It is all still an empty void that cannot be filled.

It may be irrational to live for our good moods and to think that they are all that give our lives good meaning. That is, it might not make any sense. But we as human beings are not wired rationally. We are hardwired for survival. So I do not care whether my way of life is rational or irrational, my good moods are all that are important to me and give my life good meaning. To not have them would create an empty void in my life.

Only me having my good moods back can fill that empty void once again. My good moods are extremely profound experiences for me and are like a powerful surge of heavenly divine sacred transcending life force. If you are still a personality type #2, then you have not experienced your good moods as profoundly as I have to know that they are really the only things we as human beings have to live for. You are nowhere near as sensitive and profound as me.

If we are in a profound mode of thought, then that will always send a pleasure signal and make us experience a profound good mood. For example, if you had a very profound thought from being out in nature or from helping someone, then that would automatically send a pleasure signal to your Nucleus Accumbens and make you experience a very profound good mood. But just having thoughts alone that are nothing profound will not send the pleasure or displeasure signal. Which means we will not experience good or bad moods from these thoughts.

Therefore, if you are someone who does not feel, then you are nothing profound. You are just like a bland lifeless robot. I wouldn’t even consider you a human being. You are in no profound mode of thought. Just simply living your life and nothing more. Not that our thoughts alone are profound experiences for us anyway since they are not. Our good moods are the only profound experiences that give our lives good meaning and it is only our bad moods that are profound experiences that give our lives bad meaning. Having neither our good or bad moods only renders us and our lives having neutral (neither good or bad) value and worth.

You might say to me that there is far more to life than our good moods. But that to me is less. That is nothing to me without my good moods. I could then say the same in return. I could say that there is far more to life than our morals and intelligence alone. That our good moods are the only things that give our lives good meaning. You would then disagree with me and say that our good moods aren’t anything. So as you can see here, we are all just different. Everyone is different and each person has a life that is compatible/incompatible with him/her.

I cannot change you just as how you cannot change me either. Therefore, the inevitable result for a personality type #1 living in a personality type #2 universe or a personality type #2 living in a personality type #1 universe is suicide. That is, if I have to live most or my entire life depressed/anhedonic without my good moods. I mean, who would find good meaning living like that? Even though there are depressed/anhedonic people who are able to find good meaning living their lives despite being severely crippled and whatnot, the vast majority of depressed/anhedonic people cannot. I am one of those many people who cannot.

My intellect alone without my good moods is nothing more to me than an intellectual experience as I’ve said before. It is only thoughts of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. But not actually having those things in my life. So I toss away this logical thinking area of the brain that is said to be so new and great by everyone else. It does serve an advantage though. It does keep us alive and prevents us from making foolish choices that could get us and/or others harmed and/or killed. I can also use it for the sake of trying to find ways to recover from my depression/anhedonia and have my good moods back to me.

But the thinking area of our brains alone is only for the sake of living as long as possible to experience as much good moods and as little suffering, depression, and anhedonia as possible. So it would be pursuing your good moods the right way and not in such a way that results in much harm, death, suffering, anhedonia, or depression down the road. It also serves another advantage. If we could only experience our good moods alone without our thinking, then even though they would be profound experiences, they would not be all that profound as they should be.

When we have a very profound thought, then that would give us a good feeling that is far more profound than if we just simply experienced a good mood alone without our thoughts. But here again, the profound thoughts alone in of themselves without our good moods are nothing profound. They are thoughts of a profound experience, but don’t actually give us a profound experience without our good and bad moods.

For that very reason, if I had the choice, then I would choose to have a thought version of anhedonia and depression rather than a version that actually turns off my good moods. A version that instead turns off my thinking and memory. I would choose to sacrifice my intelligence and memory for the sake of still having my good moods. So I say, lucky you for those who are non-hedonists. Lucky for you that this thought version of anhedonia and depression does not exist for you.

I have no interest whatsoever in living the intellectual life without my good moods. Even though the logical thinking area of our brains is the more evolved brain region, it does not encourage our survival. It does not give us the mental experience of encouragement. It only makes rationalizations, decisions, and solves problems. But the Nucleus Accumbens is what encourages our survival. It is what motivates, inspires, and gives our lives joy, happiness, etc. You can read up on this very fact somewhere on the internet.

So the thinking area of the brain alone to me is nothing more than a bland and lifeless dull mechanical problem solving/decision making entity. It is the “lifeless machine.” But the Nucleus Accumbens is the sacred divine transcending surging potent life force. It is “the power” to me. It is a jolt of surging profound and beautiful life force. I am a powerful, transcending, and epic individual who wishes to compose epic powerful pieces that are transcending.

Therefore, “the power” is what I need in my life. People who are settled and content who seek intelligence need the “lifeless machine” and are fine without “the power.” But to live a life with the liking to the “lifeless” machine rather than “the power” is utterly inferior to me since it is being lowered to that of nothing more than a lifeless dead machine.

Our very optimistic acts, tones, and expressions are driven solely by “the power.” To express optimistic tones, acts, and expressions without “the power” such as living to help others and pursuing your goals/dreams, then these would be devoid tones, acts, and expressions even though one may not realize that. Many depressed/anhedonic people such as myself do realize this though. Go onto depression forums with people who struggle with depression and anhedonia and you will see exactly what I mean.

“The power” is so life depending and is our only incentive to pursue our goals/dreams, help others, live to experience the life and beauty of this universe, etc. Many animals out in the wild and in the lab rely on “the power.” We can clearly see this. Animals live more and more and are more and more encouraged to do more and more things due to “the power” in order to experience more and more of this profound biological rewarding sensation. Without it, then we see what happens to these animals. When they are depressed and/or anhedonic, then they lose interest and give up on their goals, mates, and pursuits. The same thing applies to me.

As a matter of fact, I think that wild animals and animals in the lab are hedonists. Why else would they just give up when they are depressed and don’t have their good moods? It is the non-hedonistic moral human being who doesn’t give up on life and their goals/dreams when they are depressed/anhedonic after all since they still find good meaning anyway without their good moods. But animals need to be free and wild. They cannot be locked up in cages. So to me, me living the moral non-hedonistic way of life is like locking me up in a cage. I need to be free and wild when living my life and composing. I desperately need to have my good moods.

I wish to have nothing to do with the rules and regulations of others. Their lifestyle has been imposed upon me. The lifestyle of personality type #2. If I had the choice right now, I would just vehemently throw that lifestyle away and laugh/enrage in front of these people’s faces. I also feel strongly that personality type #1 is permanently hardwired as a part of my personality and can never be changed.

Furthermore, I have lived my entire life living for my good moods since they are all that give my life good meaning. So I am actually like a heroin addict and drug user. Except that I have done no drugs or heroin in my life. I am instead a heroin addict and a drug user in terms of my own natural chemical highs. I live my life and go into composing musical software just so that I can compose to get high off of my compositions. That is my one and only reason for living and that is my one and only reason for being a composer.

So with that being said, I might have permanently hardwired my brain like that of a heroin addict’s since I have lived my entire life for my good moods. I think this type of wiring is often permanent. Notice how when heroin addicts stop taking their heroin, that everything in their lives seems meaningless, “dead,” and hopeless to them without their highs. Nothing seems to ever fill that void since they have now permanently hardwired their brains so that they they are forever doomed to always perceiving their good mood highs as being the only things that bring their lives good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and drive/inspiration like me.

Finally, no matter how much focus I have put into other things, I still have not found any good meaning in my life to date and it has been such a long time since I have struggled with depression (years) and anhedonia (over 1 year). So going this route is only going to fail. I have to somehow recover my good moods to actually have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, motivation, and inspiration in my life again.

2

This may be hoplessly trite So please dont take this as anything but constructive . Psychology and philosophy are like cousins, but philosophy can be basis for a psychology, however not vica versa.

I lP is a philosophical forum and not a . Psychological one

It is always nice to talk to people I’m a language they can understand, but thought is not consistent with a game of tit for tat, its not mind games but game theory.

In as much as moods may effect a philosophical outlook, it can not ask ontological questions from a point of psychological analysis.

For instance if the question was whether feelings can base a religious motivation such as Christianity’s role in over coming a negative emotion, the philosophy of religion should be the at
starting point , and philosophy below that.

Psychological analysis of basic motives in what needs to be a
developmental approach to feelings , and not a psychological interpretation of mainline trends . It may belittle a two thousand year old institution .

Not that we all as human beings have no need of
Friendship and conversation.

3

Matt, before YoI dismiss me as one with a lack of empathy , I assure YOU , I have been there, and psychology of turning bad into good feelings is useful and constructive within it’s contexts. I hope You do not misunderstand where I think that kind of analysis belongs. If that somewhat ambiguous, its because itbjaa been wrapped into common sense jargon

4

Matt, do you actually want to feel better or are you comfortable with your misery?

For someone else, I have just laid out an exercise to help people in general increase the amount of joy in their lives. But such exercises are pointless for people who have become comfortable never feeling good and always whining about how bad off they are. So if given the chance, would you actually go to the trouble of helping yourself out of that rut you keep talking about?

5

My good moods are the only source of joy and happiness for me. So it is all about the good moods. So if it is an exercise to help me experience my good moods, then I am all for it. If I can’t get my good moods, then my life ends soon.

6

I too have suffered from depression and anhedonia for many years. The meaning I derive from life comes, in short, from the realization that my life is not just about me. I think you place too much value on how you feel at any given moment rather than the effect you [can] have on the world around you. I don’t think you’re selfish, but I do know from experience how wrapped up I can get in how I feel and how it can dominate my thoughts. I’m not sure how I’ve learned to cope with this aside from obtaining some mental discipline, for lack of better words. I find it is of great importance that I allow myself to get out of my own head and take a break from my [often unintentional] obsessive thinking about how I feel. I try to focus on my behavior, as I find when I’m behaving/living well, I tend to get a feeling of consolation from knowing I’m doing my best regardless of how I may feel. Needless to say, I find great inspiration in many of the cynics and stoics for their acceptance that a life well lead may not always be the most pleasurable, and, in fact, often isn’t. A famous philosopher once said that the only thing that can prove whether one is worth anything is his ability to endure.

7

I am going to now add something else here. If happiness is, in fact, not our good moods, then happiness is absolutely nothing to me then. It gives my life no drive or anything. It is nothing more than an intellectual experience for me. It is all still nothing more than a lifeless and dead biological mechanical experience for me then. I need to be in a powerful and epic mindstate when living my life and composing. Happiness does not cut it at all for me since it is a settled down and content mindstate as you’ve just said. I absolutely hate being settled down and content. It is utterly inferior and meaningless to me. I always need to be in the high empowered epic mindstate of my good moods since that is who I am. I wish to compose epic masterpieces and so, I also need to be in the mindstate that reflects that which would be my good moods.

Being settled down and content is “down” to me. But being high in a good moods is “up” to me. What is “up” is transcendence. It is a highly empowered and transcended mindstate that gives my life immense good meaning, a sense of power, and epicness when living my life and composing. So I have a personality that is WAY “up” to the point of being psychotically enraged when I don’t have my good moods and can only be “down.” “Down” is utterly inferior to me since it is lowering me all the way down into some intellectual content and settled down mental state.

My default has always been “up” and will always be up. That is how I have always found good meaning in my life and that was always my one and only way of finding good meaning in my life throughout my whole entire life. Please do not tell me anything such as that I can still have good meaning in my life without my good moods anymore. I am now to the point where I am very likely to go into a full psychotic rage here and destroy objects around me. After hearing what you just said that happiness is not our good moods and that I can’t have my good moods back as long as I still have depression/anhedonia, that has made this the final straw now.

8

So meditate, smoke weed or do whatever it takes to get you there. I am similar, people used to say i’m ‘highly strung’. For me psychology gets me down, thinking about issues and mental states does nothing to alleviate them, nor to take me up. The best thing is to be around people who take things with a large pinch of salt, the worst, is to be around people who take things the wrong way, gossipers etc. Environments change and un/enhance us more than I originally realised, hence getting yourself to a good place with good people is the most important thing. I also find transcendence in philosophy itself, so maybe keep reaching for goals in understanding will help you ~ nothing too drastic, one idea lighting up the mind at a time does the trick.

9

there are two major brain systems about feeling good-------
#1 dopamine/pleasure
#2 serotonin/happy

you have to be working towards some goal with serotonin/happy system

10

Calm down. I never said you can’t have good moods back. The point of my post was to suggest that perhaps you should adapt to your situation and find different ways to obtain good moods. Find some consolation in what you have rather than obsessing about what you don’t.

11

So you are telling me that you would somehow manage to find good meaning in your life if you had to live a life that you find to be of no value/meaning and that the one and only life that you found profound meaning in was taken away from you? So you would actually find good meaning living an imagined hedonistic lifestyle in which you could not help others, could not pursue knowledge/intelligence and make the world a better place, and could only live to experience your good moods? Well, good luck on that one I say.

Now you know how I feel. I can’t live the life that brings me value and meaning and I can’t live who I am. Personality type #1 is who I am and what I live for. It is the very source of all my power, epicness, good meaning, joy, inspiration, and happiness in living and being a composer. Don’t take that away from me. Taking away the lifestyle of someone that suits their personality to where they can no longer live as that said personality anymore is the worst thing you could do.

There is no good meaning or joy/happiness to be had in the lifestyle of personality type #2 for me. I utterly detest the lifestyle of personality type #2, wish to have nothing to do with it, and would rather end my life than live it. I would vehemently dispose of it right now if I had the choice. I will say it one last time. I wish to have absolutely NOTHING to do with personality type #2 nor being an atheist/materialist.

I would want to live a blissful life here on earth and believe that when I die, that I will have an eternal blissful afterlife for me as well since that is the one and only life that would bring me the greatest good meaning since it would be a life in which I would have my good moods for all eternity and no more suffering, depression, and anhedonia. Here again, I would rather have this belief regardless of whether there is or is not actually an afterlife. Just having this belief would give me thoughts of hope, power, and comfort anyway.

12

True, but easier said than done.

At the base of chronic depression is always some perceived gloom and doom belief. What that belief is isn’t always known to the conscious. Thus through many scenarios of entertainment and good feelings, that underlying belief resurfaces and restores the depression. And then because of that being experienced, the depression has even greater incentive to maintain. Depression stems from hopes being dashed (assuming biochemicals or germs were not the instigation). Persistent depression without sociological cause tends to be mostly a medical issue. Void of sociological or medical environmental issues, the mind works out the kinks on its own.

The body/brain chemistry can be altered by a variety of means but as long as the underlying gloomy belief is maintained, the temptation to return to depression will persist. The sad fact is that some people really do just have a very depressing environment from which they cannot find escape and the medical world gives up on them because the pills didn’t fix it all, as if they even addressed the actual problem.

13

I wish to only stay over here where it is bright and sunny and not over there where it is dark, cold, empty, and meaningless. I see two places to be at in life. One region is bright, warm, and sunny which would be the lifestyle of personality type #1. But the other is dark, cold, and empty which would be the lifestyle of personality type #2. The shadow dwellers in world type #2 claim that there is much light, warmth, fulfillment, and meaning in this realm.

But that to me is just plain nonsense. So for that very reason, I have decided to dismiss them and remain in my world of light, sunshine, and rainbows. They too do not wish to be in my world of sunshine and warmth either and deem it as cold, dark, empty, and meaningless.

But unfortunately, it seems as though the darkness of the shadow world has creeped over to my world. Now I find myself living among the dwellers of the underworld who now make it clear to me that what they deem as light, warmth, fulfillment, and meaning in their world is darkness, coldness, emptiness, and meaninglessness in my world and vice versa. I wish to have nothing to do with these moblins. They are disgusting inferior creatures to me.

I find this shadow realm to be the most bleak and depressing world I could ever live. So lucky for them that they deem it as enlightening, inspiring, joyful, light, warmth, meaning, etc. I think they should stop making me try to live their way of life and by their morals and whatnot. If I can’t find any way to escape this dungeon of hell back into the life of profoundness, beauty, and light, then I will see to it that I no longer have to live by their world and morals. I will end my life using the very chains they have chastened me with.

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So it would seem as though at least a little bit of suffering/despair is needed in order to experience our good moods. Though I am not sure on this one at all. That, or at least, to appreciate them more. But appreciation and our thoughts/attitudes don’t matter. Only the good moods themselves and their intensity level are what matter and give good meaning to our lives. Now in the past many years ago, I had my good moods fully up and running everyday. Back then, I did not struggle with depression and anhedonia. I lived my life like that for many many years and it was the greatest life for me. But now, I have lost that life. So with this being said, I think I can honestly separate the shadow world from the light world since, apparently, in my case, I was able to live a blissful life without having any depression, suffering, or anhedonia for all those years.

One might say that it is when you get out of the lows that you are more able to appreciate states of normalcy or highs. But that just doesn’t apply to me here in this life of depression/anhedonia I am having now. I am finding no good meaning or anything in my life as long as I have this depression/chronic 24/7 anhedonia. Only me living that blissful life I once had in the past in which not only did I have my good moods, but also the belief in the afterlife of eternal bliss, then this would be the greatest and most profound life for me right now.

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Yes, that is absolutely true. That is why after all these last thousands of years, we are still pining after the golden, classical age.

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“My good moods are the only source of joy and happiness for me. So it is all about the good moods.”

What are the kinds of things that you expect to make you feel happy or put you in a good mood?

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Soooo…you’re just looking for some attention, yeah?

We aren’t born with “meaning”. We decide what matters.

If you want to be in a good mood, do something to put yourself in a good mood. Figure out what you love and create it - music, art, etc. - and let the act of creation do for you what it does for the rest of the artists in the world. Do you enjoy dancing? Drinking? Being with your family? Go do those things.

You can’t sit in a pile of shit and never try to get up and then wonder why you’re stuck in a pile of shit. Happiness doesn’t just appear, we create it for ourselves. So stop bitching about how your life doesn’t have any meaning without “good moods” and go do something to put yourself in one.

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First of all, how many people do you know who, for example, play a great videogame or have a fun time, experience a profound and awesome good mood from that, but brush that good mood off to the side like it is nothing and think to themselves that the good moods don’t make anything important, don’t give good meaning, don’t give joy or happiness/etc. and that it is just the thought of playing the game itself and having that time of life that matters and gives good meaning, joy, happiness, etc? The answer here would be not too many at all.

If you are someone who does, then I wouldn’t even consider your personality to be that of any profound human being at all. This is because our pleasure (good moods) are a very profound life force. Although it does make us very human and our lives profound and great, for you to be someone to dismiss such a sacred energy would deem your personality as nothing more than that of a dead and lifeless intellectual robot regardless of how much you live for your family and other things in your life. So, in short, you are nothing great at all in terms of your personality.

We have many different forms of awareness. We have touch, smell, sight, hearing, etc. which are all forms of awareness (mental experiences). We also have another form of awareness known as thought. We can be aware that, for example, our family is of profound meaning to us. But this same awareness can take on the form of a far more profound version. It is in the version of our good moods (good feelings). So instead of knowing (thinking) that our family means something profound to us, we can feel that they mean something profound to us.

But here is what separates hedonists from non-hedonists. Hedonists prefer the latter form of awareness while the non-hedonists prefer the former. As a matter of fact, I see a contradiction in the perspective of non-hedonists. Let me give a few examples. It is our good moods that drive our profoundness. If someone experienced a very profoundly powerful feeling of pleasure (a good mood) from being out in nature, then he/she would be driven to perform a profound act, tone, or expression such as standing there, sighing, and profoundly closing his/her eyes.

But I dare say to that person, try that again. But this time, with only the thought alone and not any good moods at all. You will clearly see here how those same profound acts, tones, and expressions are not driven at all. Rather, it was just simply a matter of you choosing them and nothing more. They are now devoid acts, tones, and expressions without your good moods. Now try those same acts, tones, and expressions. But this time, do them very intense and profoundly as though you are experiencing very intense and powerful profound beauty, innocence, love, joy, happiness, etc.

You will now clearly see how they are not driven at all and are nothing more than you choosing and forcing yourself to perform them. They didn’t come naturally at all. So this clearly says here that you cannot experience profound beauty, innocence, joy, happiness, good meaning, etc. through your thoughts alone without your good moods.

As a matter of fact, those same acts, tones, and expressions will become much more devoid if you performed them while struggling with severe depression. Here it would really be contradictory for you to perform profoundly cheerful, blissful, happy, joyful, etc. acts, tones, and expressions while being in a profoundly bleak, depressive, and despairing mood.

Don’t believe me? Many people who struggle with depression and anhedonia claim that their lives have no drive, no inspiration, joy, happiness, etc. So that says a lot here. Furthermore, I will also bring up what I said before which was that animals are shown to gain interest and pursue/perform more and more activities when their reward system is stimulated and they are in a good mood. But they lose interest when they are anhedonic and/or depressed and give up. So that also says a lot here as well.

We are meant to be such animals. We are pleasure seekers and pain avoiders. But we have developed what is known as the “moral system” which obscures and blinds us from our inner animal. It is an unnatural lifestyle imposed upon us. We live in a modern pressured society where natural instincts and tendencies are often forbidden and restricted. So the pain/pleasure principle is our way of life and not the moral way. If we live by any morals and by our logical thinking area of our brain, then it is only so that we can live as long as possible to have the most pleasure throughout our lives in such a way that doesn’t result in much anhedonia, depression, and suffering down the road.

But to pressure someone like me or anyone else into living a non-hedonistic depressed/anhedonic lifestyle would be no different than pressuring anyone to live a lonesome life with no human contact whatsoever. We are hardwired to be social animals. Therefore, to pressure someone to live a lonesome life separate from all of humanity is an unnatural lifestyle imposed just as much so as pressuring someone to live a non-hedonistic life without their good moods.

This is because we are also hardwired to be pleasure seekers and pain avoiders as I said before. We are naturally hedonists by default just like other animals which are pleasure seekers and pain avoiders. So we need human contact just as much so as we need pleasure (our good moods) in life. Some people are actually fine living without those things. But I think that would be quite unnatural and would be a mental disorder. I need my pleasure. I can’t live without it.

Sure, we might do something such as help someone or save their life regardless of what mood we are in and we might genuinely think to ourselves that these people matter to us even while we are not in a good mood. But really, we are meant to live to find good meaning, love, joy, happiness, etc. only through our pleasure (good moods). We do not have the Nucleus Accumbens for nothing. That is an extremely important brain region that encourages our survival. It is what gives us our good moods.

I am now going to demonstrate to you an example that differentiates the former form of awareness (our thoughts) and the latter form of awareness (our good moods) that I mentioned earlier. If I were to have the thought right now without my good moods that nature is profound and beautiful to me or that my family has immense good meaning to me and bring me good meaning, love, joy, happiness, inspiration, etc., then this would just be a blank intellectual mental state. It is where I am in the mental state of having nothing more than just thoughts.

So there is nothing here for me just yet. I have to wait for that pleasure signal to get sent. Once that pleasure signal gets sent to my brain (which it can’t now since I have anhedonia), then that is when everything including my own family and goals/dreams come alive to me. I feel this surge of powerful, profound, heavenly, sacred, divine, and transcending life force. It is as if it transcends me into heaven. I am now in a state of paradise in which everything in my life has good meaning, love, joy, happiness, inspiration, etc.

I can use the same example when listening to a profound song that I heard from my childhood. If I just had the thought that this song is profound to me without my good moods, then that is nothing more than just a bland and lifeless intellectual mental state. I am listening to nothing more than just a bunch of patternized noise on the radio. So it is just nothing more than a song at this point. But the moment that pleasure signal gets sent and I feel all the magnificence, life, profoundness, innocence, nostalgia, and beauty of my childhood, then that is the moment where this song is far more than just a song.

It now has immense good meaning to me. It is no longer “dead,” bland, and lifeless anymore. Here again, the thought version of this profoundness is nothing at all. It is no profound experience for me whatsoever and is nothing more than just bland and dead lifeless thoughts to me. Only me having these profound good vibes (good moods) gives my life good meaning, love, joy, happiness, inspiration, etc. Therefore, it goes without saying here that the former form of awareness is nothing great or profound at all. Only the latter form of awareness is something great and profound. It is a transcended form of awareness like being a profound angel or some sort of profound deity filled with life.

Thoughts are nothing more than just thoughts. But the moment they transform themselves into the form of our good moods, then that is the moment where we and our lives are transcended into something profound and great. It is sort of like a spiritual life form or organism that lives and thrives off of spirit (life) energy from people, other living things, and its environment. Thoughts alone will not be any source of spiritual growth or anything for this organism. The organism needs the transcending spiritual life force coursing through it.

So with that being said, since our good moods are the very things that drive us (encourage our survival) and transcend us and our lives with profound spiritual-like energy, then they just have to be the only things that can give good meaning to our lives. We have the functions of our brains that allow us to see, hear, touch, smell, etc. But you then have the other brain functions which take in and process the information neccessary for us to experience those things. But those other brain functions alone will not allow us to experience those things. Only the final result gives us those things. That being, once the signal finally gets sent to the functions of our brains that allow us to have those things, then that is when we would be experiencing (having) them.

So this also applies to us having good meaning, love, joy, happiness, inspiration, etc. in our lives. The thinking brain function alone does not give us those things either. Only once it sends the pleasure signal or displeasure signal would our lives then either have good meaning (good moods) or bad meaning (bad moods) once we get that pleasure or displeasure signal. So it is actually our moods alone that give us good or bad meaning to our lives and not the other way around which many people think.
Our thoughts and moods are so closely tied and related in the world of psychology and neurology that people have them confused. What I mean by this is that they think it is our way of thinking alone that gives good or bad meaning to our lives and that our moods are nothing important and don’t give good or bad meaning to us and our lives. But it is actually the other way around. Therefore, our modern pressured moral society has us all confused.

The moral version of good and bad is a thought version of good and bad. If we think to ourselves that our lives still have good or bad meaning regardless of what mental state or situation we are in, then that is somehow supposed to give good or bad meaning to our lives. But this doesn’t give good or bad meaning to our lives. It only gives us words and phrases of good and bad meaning.

There is instead a feeling/emotional non-moral (mood) version of good and bad that has nothing to do with our way of thinking and is completely independent of our way of thinking. This is what gives our lives actual good and bad meaning. It is a version of good and bad that scientists have yet to discover. It is the good and bad of the future that science has yet to discover through advanced neurological technology.

It will change the world. That is my theory. My theory is that this mood version of good and bad exists and that scientists have yet to discover it. Discovering it would help scientists find cures for suffering, anhedonia, mortality, and depression like never before knowing that our good moods are all that we really have to give good meaning to us and our lives.

But currently, we as human beings are brainwashed and fooled by our modern pressured moral society into thinking that it is instead our way of thinking alone that gives our lives good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. Really, it is no different than how society brainwashes us with other things such as religion. But I am a skeptical and free thinker. My conclusions have honestly and truly led me to there being a mood version of good and bad and that this is the one and only thing that can give our lives good and bad meaning.

Currently, good meaning, happiness, joy, love, inspiration, etc. is said to not be chemical in nature. That it is instead our choices, being accepting/content with our lives, and us choosing to still pursue our goals/dreams and help others in life anyway. They are said to not be our good moods at all. However, that it is our good moods that are chemical in nature. These people would give them a new lesser term called “pleasure.” They also give a lesser term for someone who lives for pleasure who only finds good meaning in his/her life through his/her experience of pleasure. They would call them "hedonists.
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But since the words “pleasure” and “hedonism” imply something less important and of very little significance in life and since it is our good moods that are of the utmost significance, then terms should be switched around here. Happiness, joy, love, good meaning, and inspiration should be our pleasure (good moods) while our way of thinking alone should be considered nothing at all. Nothing more than intellect.

As a matter of fact, I would no longer give the terms “pleasure” and “hedonism” to our good moods at all anymore. I would call our good moods “soul energy,” “sacred energy,” “divine energy,” “life,” or “transcending energy” since that is what they are. That is what they feel like. If it feels like that, then that means it is that. It’s no different than how if something feels painful, then that means it is painful.

You are having the mental experience of pain just as how you would also be having the mental experience of that transcending soul energy (your good moods). But thoughts alone will not give us that. They don’t give us pain (our unpleasant sensations) or our good moods either when our good moods are turned off due to depression or anhedonia.

Good and bad are feelings/emotions which would be our good and bad moods. They are not value judgments. You might of noticed that I just used a value judgment in saying that. So you might be thinking here that they are value judgments. But I don’t think so at all. I truly and honestly think and am truly and honestly convinced here that they are our good and bad moods alone in of themselves.

As for hedonism, I would no longer refer to is as hedonism. I would give it a new term called “spiritualism” or “spiritualistic hedonism.” This is because our good moods are such profound spiritual experiences for us and are the one and only source of spiritual growth for us as human beings. I don’t care how much you haven’t grown in terms of your personality and attitude. Therefore, it doesn’t matter whether you are a spoiled child, a psychotic sociopath, or someone helpful and innocent. Your family, life, goals/dreams, and this very universe only matters and is of good value/worth to you only when you are experiencing good moods from them. This is all that matters and is the only source of spiritual growth.

When I developed anhedonia and struggled with depression, then many people said to me that I can still have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life. What I thought they meant by that is that I can still have that “sacred divine transcending energy” in my life, but in a different form. In an intellectual form instead. Like there is somehow a new version of a good mood that I can somehow achieve in my life while being depressed and/or anhedonic at the same time. That the good moods I once experienced in my life in the past can somehow be re-experienced in a different form.

So I really looked into trying to achieve this new version of a good mood. But no matter how much I tried and no matter what I thought over time, everything was still nothing but thoughts to me. I could not experience a sacred divine transcending energy in my life at all through my intellect alone. I heard people say that having good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in one’s life is far greater than having pleasure (our good moods). So I blatantly assumed that there is some far greater sacred divine transcending experience to be had in my life through my intellect alone. In other words, a far more profound good mood to be experienced.

I tried and tried to achieve this new mental state to no avail. So what these people must mean then is a whole new mental experience entirely that transcends even our good moods. Something that even I would like far more. It must be some sort of “sixth sense,” if you will, of the brain. Like some whole new function of our brains implanted into us from another universe of heavenly angels and god-like beings.

If my thinking alone can achieve that, then what an amazing function our thoughts must be! Here all along I thought they were nothing more than just thoughts. Just some intellectual experience. So maybe I should give it more time for this new mental state to eventually be achieved in my life. I could be reborn in an entirely new way. It will be a whole new and far greater “sacred divine transcending energy” for me.

Wait? What? It’s not like that you say? Do you mean to honestly tell me that this very intellectual experience that I deemed as a lifeless mechanical state is, in fact, the good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration? I am not sure what to say here. This simply can’t be true. When I presented everything in my writing to you and asked you if I could have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life even while depressed and anhedonic, you said that I could.

This would mean that it would be something that I would personally view as good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. Therefore, if it is something that I personally deem as being those things, then it has to be either a more profound good mood in the form of my intellect alone or a whole new experience that transcends our good moods that I would deem as being those things just mentioned.

Please take note that I am still personality type #1 and will always remain personality type #1. So my question to you here is that is this something that personality type #1 would deem as being those things? Or can this only be achieved from the perspective of personality type #2? If it is something that personality type #1 would deem as those things, then excellent. Perhaps I can find good meaning in my life after all. But if this is something that only personality type #2 can achieve, then we have a serious problem here.

I am assuming here that personality type #2s are Buddhists. Now imagine if I went up to Buddhists and tried to convert them over to personality type #1. There is just simply no way that can happen. This is because they value their personality. Their personality is something very important. You can’t change a person’s personality. That is who they are. It is plain nonsense to think so.

Imagine from there if I went up to a famous intelligent personality type #2 genius and tried to convert him/her over to personality type #1. Not only would that be utterly insulting, but there is just no way that can happen. So in a way, I am also my own genius as well. I am a personality type #1 genius. I am an epic composer and wish to compose epic transcending masterpieces. I am able to create such pieces in my mind, but have yet to learn the music theory neccessary to actually produce them here in reality.

So don’t disgrace such a genius as me either. Expecting me to be personality type #2 is incompatible with me and my composing dream since here I would be composing these transcending and epic high masterpieces, but being in a settled down and content intellectual mental state. Personality type #1 is something I need and is how I find my own inspiration and good meaning in composing. Don’t expect me to be a different composer since that is not who I am.

We have two different types of composers. We have the types who are manic and compose awesome high epic masterpieces. These are personality type #1 composers who find their own inspiration and good meaning through their personality type. But then we have the settled down intellectual and even depressed composers. They are personality type #2 composers.

They might even compose different masterpieces than personality type #1 composers. They might compose settled down intellectual or even depressed/somber compositions. These personality type #2 composers find good meaning and inspiration through their personality type. But imagine how insulting and disgracing it would be if I were to go up to either one of these composers and tried to convert one into the other. That’s not who they are. They have found their own genius. Their true inspiration.

One has found his/her genius and true inspiration being manic (experiencing his/her good moods profoundly and intensely) in composing while the other has found his/her true genius and inspiration being in a settled down, content, or even depressed mental state in composing. Therefore, personality type #1 is my own genius. It is my true inspiration and how I find good meaning in my life and composing. Don’t take that away from me!

As long as I don’t have my good moods due to depression and/or anhedonia, then you can see why I no longer find any good meaning or anything in my life in composing. Composing would now be empty, meaningless, and would no longer matter to me anymore. I could easily say the same for a personality type #2 composer who finds immense meaning being depressed and settled down/content when composing who finds no meaning at all being in a good mood since he/she thinks that is mindless and annoying hedonism.

If this composer were to be in a good mood (especially a high one) all throughout his/her day everyday just like how I have chronic 24/7 anhedonia, then his/her composing and life would also be empty, meaningless, and would no longer matter to him/her anymore. Since he/she can no longer be in the mental state that he/she so values very much which would be his/her depressed and settled down/content mental state, then he/she is expected to be personality type #1 instead since this is now the one and only way he/she can find good meaning and inspiration in composing now. But it was his/her mental state of depression and being settled down/content that was the inspiration and good meaning for him/her in composing.

That was his/her true genius. Him/her being in that mental state was his/her one and only way of finding good meaning and inspiration in composing which he/she can’t have anymore. So with the meaningless and devoid lifestyle of personality type #1 that he/she is doomed to live now, he/she would have no choice but to give up on life and composing. He/she can’t change over to personality type #1 since it is all empty and meaningless to him/her.

I mean, why convert over to a personality type and a way of life that is meaningless, inferior, and loathsome to you in the first place? Even if I somehow did convert, then who’s to say that I would still find my life to have no meaning, joy, inspiration, or happiness? Like I said before, I would rather die (end my life) than to live that of the loathsome personality type #2.

In the beginning I mentioned that it is only our brains that give good or bad meaning to our lives in the first place since it is our brains that perceive meaning and allow us to live in the first place. So they give us the mental state of perceiving meaning in our lives. But many people think that mental state is our way of thinking, attitudes, and personality. But this is false. It is only the mental state of our good moods that give good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration to our lives and goals/dreams.

That, or this new mental state I mentioned earlier which is somehow supposed to be far more profound and greater than our good moods which I don’t think even exists and is still nothing more than just a way of thinking (outlook) alone on life. Remember, a mental state that allows me to perceive good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration has to be a mental state I really want and really like.

Therefore, an intellectual (thinking) mental state alone will not cut it at all for me. I can make a clear distinction here between thinking and feeling (our moods). When I am in a good mood and am clear of all thoughts, I can clearly sense here that my life has good meaning, joy, and happiness even without thinking about it at all. So our good moods are a form of those things alone in of themsleves completely independent of our way of thinking.

But when I am in an intellecutal mental state alone without my good moods, I can clearly sense here that my life is devoid and empty even without thinking about it and even while putting all my focus into things. Never once has my life had any of those things without my good moods. Even if I thought my life did have those things without my good moods, then I would only be fooling myself.

Therefore, our way of thinking alone does not give our lives good meaning, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration at all without our good moods. Only our good moods give us those things. Our bad moods are what give our lives bad meaning, suffering, despair, hate, rage, sadness, etc. But our thoughts alone without our good or bad moods only give us thoughts and nothing more.

Therefore, Buddhists and many others are only wasting their time trying to search for this more profound version of happiness that is said to come from being in a content state without our good moods. It doesn’t exist. If they think they have it without their good moods, then they are only fooling themselves. They have not payed close attention to their good moods like I have.

If they did, then they would be able to clear their minds, experience their good moods, and clearly sense that their good moods are a form of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration without giving it any thought. It is no different than how you can have a mind clear of all thoughts, but still realize that physical pain is still painful. Physical pain being painful has nothing to do with your way of thinking. It really is painful alone in of itself.

So in that same sense, pleasure (our good moods) are also a form of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. They are the only form of those things we can have in our lives. Thoughts alone cannot give us those things just as how our thoughts alone also cannot give us the experience of physical pain either without our actual experience of physical pain. Thoughts alone are nothing more than intellect. They are nothing more than the “thinking” experience of our brains. They cannot give our lives pain, suffering, despair, joy, happiness, etc.

I will say it here again, why do many animals give up and lose interest when they don’t have their good moods and are depressed? Surely if they still had good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in their lives, they would of still continued with their pursuits and wouldn’t of given up on them. Take note that they had no thoughts that their lives are bad.

They have just given up. So without their way of thinking, this means they are living solely by their moods alone. So the fact that their moods either make them give up or continue on in life clearly demonstrates here that it is our moods alone in of themselves that give our lives good or bad meaning.

Since our good moods are what drive our joyful, loving, happy, and inspired acts, tones, and expressions as I’ve explained earlier, then they just have to be the only source of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration we can have in our lives. You might say to me that I am relying on something external to give my life meaning which would be my good moods.

But we all rely on something to give our lives good meaning. You rely on the thinking area of your brain to give your life good meaning. Albeit, a fake version of good meaning that you don’t even realize. But I rely on a different brain region than you which would be my Nucleus Accumbens as I’ve explained earlier. This is what give my life actual true good meaning. I have lived my whole entire life with my good moods and did not struggle with depression or anhedonia. But that was back then.

You might say that is not true happiness or good meaning. But it was for me. It has completely fulfilled and satisfied my life. I never grew tired of it and was perfectly fine and happy living my life like that for all those years. But now I don’t have that anymore. I need it back. I need not only my good moods back, but also my belief in the afterlife of eternal pleasure as well. I may be typing this out as thought it really means something good to me to share it, but that is only a preference.

I prefer to type it out and share it. I cannot have any good meaning at all without my good moods. I will not stand living my life as nothing more than a preference. Even if someone gave me a cure right now for my depression and anhedonia which would return my good moods fully back to me, I would really take that cure immediately. So that would be nothing more than a preference at that point.

But the moment I derive good moods from this very moment, then that is when this moment would now have immense good meaning to me. The Nucleus Accumbens might be a primitive brain region while the thinking area of our brains is the newer evolved brain region, but sometimes in life, it is the older classical things that have the greater value and worth.

For example, the new Sonic the Hedgehog videogames aren’t all that great to many Sonic the Hedgehog fans. It was the old and classical Sonic games that have the far greater meaning to these fans. So our modern pressured moral society is something robotic, dead, and lifeless. Think of all the many people working at offices like zombied out robots. Nothing great about this. This is a very description of our thinking area of our brains alone.

There is nothing great at all about it. It is just dead, lifeless, and bland. But our good moods are like a sacred divine relic buried far beneath humanity that scientits have yet to uncover and reveal to humanity that they are the one and only things that give good meaning to our lives. That they are the true divine happiness, love, joy, inspiration, and good meaning one can have in his/her life.

I mean, do you honestly think here that the moral (thinking) way of life is what gives our lives those actual things? I don’t think so! The moral way restricts so many things. It restricts our very nature as pleasure seeking and pain avoiding animals. For example, the morals of many human beings often restrict masturbation and view it as a sin. This isn’t true. It’s just biology. It is just nature.

Therefore, since that moral view isn’t true, then the moral view that restricts our pleasure seeking in search of this so called true version of good meaning, love, joy, inspiration, and happiness, this view is also fake. I can’t help but honestly think here that such an unnatural lifestyle imposed upon us as human beings in which we are always expected to be in a settled/content state not pleasure seeking that Buddhists say is the true version of happiness and good meaning is actually not the true version of good meaning and happiness at all.

How we as human beings are hardwired by default is how it should meant to be. Since we are hardwired to be social animals, then we are meant to socialize. For us to live alone with no human contact is an unnatural lifestyle just as much so as living without our pleasure (good moods) as I mentioned earlier.

I mean, without pleasure, we could not have sex and reproduce. We can only feel horny through our good moods since being horny is a good mood. It is a form of pleasure. Nature has made it so as to where it is only through us being horny that results in reproduction. So in that same sense, nature has also made it to where our pleasure (good moods) are the only source of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in our lives. This even applies to being in calm, peaceful, and content state. There is the difference between being in a content state and being in a vibrant content state.

It is absolutely neccessary to be in a vibrant content state since the vibrancy is our good moods. It is “life.” But if you are content while in a depressed or severely crippled depressed state, then that vibrancy is gone. Your life no longer has any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration regardless of how content you are. You are nothing more than just a very settled content lifeless biological machine. Therefore, I don’t care what mental state or mode of thought your are in, we always need the vibrancy and surging life force of our good moods.

Pleasure is neccessary for so many things and people including Buddhists don’t realize this. They just simply think that if seeking pleasure entails suffering, that pleasure is no longer needed anymore. This is false. Just because something brings suffering doesn’t mean that it is not neccessary. It is for that very reason I sell my heart and soul out to pleasure. All my profoundness, greatness, beauty, and everything else solely rests on my pleasure. It is the only thing I got in this life.