I’ve just gone through a night of no need for sleep. It’s now 8 AM and I’m still wide awake–not even my eyes are tired, although I’ve spent all ‘night’ reading. I’m happy to say this is a most unusual occurrence for me–I usually sleep too much because of clinical depression.
So now I question whether or not my depression–for which I take medication–is also the cause of disrupted sleep. It seems to be, according to what I’ve read. What can be done about it, other than what I’m already doing?
One of my sisters has cancer, which, when you come right down to it, is essentially incurable. It started in one lung, but metastasized. She’s gone through weeks of both chemo and radiation therapy. This coming week is her last week of zapping. She’ll then spend a month of nothing, followed by full body scans to determine whether or not her cancer is in remission.
If it is, she’s only ‘won’ an initial skirmish. This has been in my mind since she was first diagnosed–There’s nothing I can do to take it out of my mind.
So, I guess I’m going to have more periods of disturbed sleep until I, too, succumb to some sort of disease.
Hi liza beth: I am very acquainted with insomnia. I was up writing, into ILP, and ad a sense You were awake, since You blogged late, I too have a close relative, a beloved aunt, who has stage 4 breast cancer, and her immediate family, who were very close when we grew up together, are similarly alarmed. My wife who is in the medical field, says that It's unlikely she will recover.
All human being are fearful of death, but I wonder if the primary concern is the cancer and the fear of loss which is a consequence of terminal illnesses, or whether you may want to focus on the inability to sleep.
I found a way to deal with it along the way, and take it for what’s it worth but here is a way to place a grasp on it. Try not fighting insomnia. Insomnia is like an obsession, the more you dwell on it, fight it, the more it has a hold on your conscious state.
Alternatively, the less concern you have about it cognitively, the more it will loosen it’s grip.
very few persons suffering from insomnia get no sleep whatsoever. In between the tossing and turning, you do get sleep but it is not realized, of course because you are not conscious of it. If mediation does not work, then try obsessing about a philosophical problem–it will convert the phisyological obsession “I cannot sleep” into the cognitive obsession of trying to find a solution other than a denial of it. Many times this has worked for me. If this still does not work, try picturing beautiful and pleasing pictures of enjoyable scenes, or get in touch with your higher powers by visualizing ideas associated with afterlife, death, whatever. And let yourself go.
For a long time I had fears of cancer myself , of various types, my biochemical makeup was literally breaking down.(Skin and prostate.) I had about 7 skin and 2 prostate biopsies, 3 skin biopsies resulted in a positive diagnosis and none of the prostate biopsies were +. I am symptom free now,and there has not been recurrence.
I believe sleep is a kind of death, when we go to sleep we do not really sure if we are going to wake up next morning feel this instinctively. There was a time when I was in grad school, I was very anxious about things, and had a dread akin to the fear of dying, joined a group called “Eckankar” and found it to be useful finding out, that our should at night, detaches itself from our body, and flies. Yes, flies. I. Have had a few occurrences of this type of dream, have you? I can to this day recount the dreams if you would be interested.
Another take is drugs. I did drugs a while to treat it and depression is bad, and has to be worked on a conscious level, they treat symptoms of another kind, but there are drugs which will enhance sleep, and if all else fails, this may enhance relaxation, but I found them kind of ineffective. Remember the michael jackson case, how dreadful it must have been for the poor guy, (not withstanding his behavior) to have to be literally put to sleep with operating room medicines? Think of living a life like that?
I close by hoping this helps. Incidentally I will be starting a sub forum inside my forum called “daily journal” subtitled "Book of “Dreams” where I will incorporate dream material into conscious one. I am a fan of surrealism, and even now I have times when I think of the idea, that this life itself is nothing but a dream? Someone said that I think it may have been shakespeare. At any rate tell me if any of this helped.
Thank you, obe. Just getting a response does wonders. (I’m still awake, by the way, it’s been more than 24 hrs, now. I’m going up to take a warm shower as soon as I finish here. That might help, but I’m still wide awake.)
Death. I’ve had 3 brain surgeries to implant electrodes in my cerebrum, which are connected to battery-operated pulse generators in my chest, in an attempt to control essential tremor. This is on top of all the other surgeries I’ve had in my life. Anyway, death is, to me, not waking up–very simple. (You give your rings to your husband and kiss him good-bye at the elevator before it whisks you up to pre-op.) Then you’re put to sleep. I was so sure I wouldn’t wake up this last time, it took me about a month to realize that I had. I seriously believed I was living in my special heaven, peopled with my much-loved family. This is death as I’ve experienced it.
Do I fear cancer for myself? I don’t think so. I fear my sister’s cancer and what it has done, and will do, to her. She’s felt so much emotional pain in her later life–all of which we’ve all felt through natural and familial empathy. This is why I’m afraid. I don’t know if she’ll ‘snap’ under this new burden. I keep telling myself she won’t–she’s strong. But I thought I was strong until I crossed the border into the twilight zone of clinical depression. I don’t want my sister to suffer any longer. I don’t want my sister to break under pressure the way I did.
Now, I’m going to go upstairs, take my shower and try releasing myself from insomnia, as you’ve advised.
Thank you. You are a kind and caring man. (I’m still wide-awake. sigh)
If you decide to heal naturally without drugs, please do so under the care and supervision of a good counselor or psychologist. Remember, no one reputable will take you off them cold turkey.
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such difficult time, liz. I think the best thing you can do is to be there for each other, and get through this together.
(I do sometimes wonder if all things existing were predestined in some way).
I hope your insomnia and sister’s condition improves.
Pandora said it well, being together is what’s important. Perhaps if you can open up to your sister, if you haven’t already, you can give her support and be assured she’s coping. The emotions you feel, are pressures that are released through actions, they motivate action. To simply try to tolerate them, will not relieve the pressure.
That’s my take. Also, professional counselling could give you new strategies for working through your hurdles.