What’s green, scaly, and has razor-sharp teeth?
A dinosaur, stupid.
A trucker once made a habit, that when he was driving, if he saw a lawyer on the side of the road, he would swerve to hit him. It was all great fun until one day there was a priest standing on the side of the road waiting for a ride. The trucker picked him up and they began to drive. They chatted a while, making small talk, and lo and behold, a lawyer was walking down the shoulder of the road. The trucker started to swerve at him, then realizing he had a priest in the car, swerved back at the last moment, but he still heard a thump. He said to the priest, “I’m sorry father, I almost missed him,” to which the priest replied, “That’s okay, I got him with the door.”
What’s brown and sticky and sits on a wall?
Humpty Dump.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Mimes in a chainsaw fight.
Tom Cruise and George Bush are on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?
The nation.
A guy goes to the doctor and says, “Hey, Doc, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my butt!” The doctor replies, “I’ve got some cream for that.”
Have you heard about the thieves who stole a truckload of Viagra? The police are on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals.
Warning: the next joke is gross.
Have you heard about the giant with diarrhea? You haven’t? It’s all over town!
