What does this mean? Should we call this illness, apply a diagnosis to a mental expansion and zest for life, bringing forth passion and feeling manifesting deep within the flow coursing between the crevasses of necessity and survival. This is something more, I believe… something not to be “talked out” or medicated. Something to be celebrated and embraced as an expression of pure love and joy… the peak of human pleasure, feeling and emotion… good or bad- isn’t that the point of just being alive!?
Here’s an example of the “symptoms” of mania in manic depressive “illness”:
Specific symptoms influence areas of feelings, thinking, body, behaviour, all of which have a quality of being in high gear, and bursting at the seams:
irritability, excessive anger over trivial things, overreacting to stimuli
labile, rapid emotional changes: feeling happy one minute and then angry the next for no apparent reason
hostile
Thoughts:
inflated self-esteem, grandiosity, thinking one is more powerful than one really is
ideas pour in at an incredible pace and mental associations after associations occur so that speech can be full of jokes, plays on words and amusing irrelevancies
misinterpretation of events, distortion of the meaning of ordinary comments
distractibility
racing thoughts, flight of ideas, jumping quickly from one topic to another
poor judgment, one will probably not recognize that one is ill and is apt to refuse treatment, will blame others for things that go wrong
loss of touch with reality - hearing voices (hallucinations) or having strange ideas (delusions) about being persecuted, controlled
Body:
excessive energy
decreased sleep sometimes only a couple of hours a night
a heightening of all the senses, especially in the perception of colours and light
Behaviour:
involvement in grandiose money making schemes
compulsive desire to be socially involved prompting telephone calls to friends at all hours of the night often to discuss plans
overspending, giving money away, going on shopping sprees, incurring heavy debts, moving from one activity to another without stopping
socially intrusive, headstrong, targeting the self-esteem of others, alienating family members
angry and demanding
talking more than usual, sometimes loudly and quickly
a new interest in collection of clothes, possessions or other objects
increased sexual activity, may want sexual intercourse several times a day, may pick up partners indiscriminately
No, I’ve never been successfully diagnosed with anything, in spite of that fact I was heavily medicated on and off for about 4 years. If I was going to make a self diagnosis it would be Manic Depressive/Borderline Personality (yes, both of them). But that’s the whole point of me bringing it up…what does that mean anyway? Why was I medicated without a diagnosis? What’s the point of asking someone if they have been diagnosed? There is no Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for all of the other nuances of the human personality.
How did you come up with the diagnosis of Manic-Depressive (now usually called Bi-Polar) and Borderline?
What I know of the two… reading about both of them sounds like an accurate description of my feelings and behaviors, some of which I abhor and am quite ashamed of. The words “manic-depressive” resonate a certain way for me, I can see what they mean visually (probably sounds odd), which is why I use them.
Who gave the the prescription for the medication? Was it a medical doctor?
Yes, of course…several different psychiatrists.
Are you familiar with the DSM from outside of what you have read on the internet?
Yes, I took a few psychology classes in college and have an interesting book about psychotropic drugs. I have also been in therapy for a number of years, or rather I view that as a chance relationship that developed between me and a psychologist. He has let me borrow books from time to time and sometimes we just sit around and discuss theories about mental illness. I think those discussions and my interest in learning more about the subject has been perhaps the best therapy. My moods are really not completely unmanageable, with the exception of a few instances which I refer to as my “breakdowns”.
I prefer my moods over the stagnance of medication any day… I feel blessed to feel despair, anger, joy and love to such a magnitude. The good feelings, the joy and the love are so intense and so wonderful…sometimes it feels like there is so much power in the emotion moving out from a central point, that it causes a deep muscular pain to course down my arms and pool in my hands.
I often wonder if it’s worth considering or if it devalues an emotion when you think of it as a byproduct of something organic, chemical or hormonal occuring in the brain, on a cellular or glandular level. Is it more or less real to think of it this way? When you love someone, is it some cosmic connection or just the result of a certain process in your body? A learned activity repeated for pleasure, like eating, drinking, smoking… maybe everything we love is a vice.
I don’t mean to tell anyone what they should do, but if someone has a physical ailment, there’s almost never any debate on whether or not to treat/cure it if it’s possible. Almost no one says, “my arthritis is part of nature- I don’t want a cure.” But when the disease is of the brain/mind, people start to think differently.
Of course, many psychotropic drugs can have side effects that are almost as bad as the disorder they are designed to correct, so I can understand one’s reluctance to take them. And some people just have a strong aversion to anything that mucks with their sense of self.
My ex-wife suffered from depression, but didn’t want to take medications because that would mean she was “crazy.” What sense does that make- you concede you have the disorder, but treating it means you’re crazy? Of course, she also had this bizarre (to me) notion that if she only could “give her burden over to God,” he would cure her depression. It never worked while we were together, and I doubt it has by now, either.
BTW, to me this is more anecdotal evidence that there is no mind separate from the brain. IMO, if the mind was it’s own entity, how could alcohol or drugs affect it? I can definately say from copious experience ( ) that being drunk definately affects the mind. And if certain personality disorders weren’t organic, how could they be treated with drugs?
I agree with both Phaedrus and Impenitent about the lack of a mind/body distinction.
There are some operations of the mind in the hindbrain that are untouchable by the decision making ability of the neocortex.
While as far as psychopharamcology is concerned, I can understand why some people avoid taking their medication due to the side effects. The side effects can feel much worse than the disorder. Yet its foolish to believe that supernatural intervention can fix a chemical imbalance.
It is interesting how in our culture we see disorders of mind as a character flaw or a weakness rather than a mere disease. We tend to blame the victim and there is a lot of shame associated with mental disorders.
I hope that as our understanding of brain functioning increases we will be able to engineer chemicals that influence it with more precise effects.
I don’t disagree with, or refuse psychiatric drugs personally because I don’t want to feel like I’m “crazyâ€. It’s more of a case of, been there, done that. I would take them and be “normal†or for better words manageable, stable, subdued…mutual. It worked I guess to a certain degree exactly as it was supposed to, but when I stopped- there I was, there she was…the girl I’ve always been, like seeing an old childhood friend after years apart. So familiar and comforting, like the only person who will accept and understand you in this world. I think I’ve decided to be me… whatever the consequence. Maybe this is just the way we are supposed to be, who we are. Before the explosion of medicinal popularity, the only people taking meds were probably the people who really needed them. Now I think they’re just over prescribed.
It’s tough to say…sometimes I feel like I want them again when I don’t want to feel anymore. It’s lonely to always sit up there in the emotional stratosphere, looking down on all the people who will just never be able to crane their neck upwards high enough to see you. You can see the height of their emotions, and it’s the midrange of your scale… It would just be easier to relate to people. When I am medicated I can’t conceive of or remember the extreme emotions, when I’m not I can’t conceive of not having them. Why is this?
i was treated for bi-polar disorder (i.e. given lithium) though not diagnosed with it (psychiatrist didn’t believe in giving diagnoses to people… said they never really encompassed the individuality of the effects on a person)
for me, the issue of taking meds was never really a hard one. my lows were very low and i was ready to do pretty much anything not to feel like that anymore. I also reconciled any issue of authenticity - do the meds change who I am - pretty quickly. For me, I had not suffered from the disease my entire life. It came on in about a 3yr. period in my late teens/early 20s. The way I was feeling was abnormal, not just in the sense of abnormal for the general population, but abnormal for me. I felt like the meds (as well as counseling) could help get me back to actually being who I was/normal.
Furthermore, even if I did not feel like a normal state for me was a non-bipolar one, I still very strongly felt that my diseased state was a horrible detriment to me. If I was an alcoholic I would not say that I didn’t want to change because being addicted to alcohol was my normal state of being and I did not want to change who I was. Now you can say that there are more positive to manic-depression (especially the mania part), but I would counter that both sides of the coin are very negative in my view. When both high and low is it almost impossible to carry on a responsible, healthy lifestyle.
Perhaps you simply experienced the wrong sort of medications. Some can weigh down on the person, make them feel almost no emotions, slow down thinking, etc. That experience obviously isn’t positive. But I have found, at least in my own experience, and ability to still have strong emotions, to still reach the highs and lows, but not to have the crashes involved in that, and not to have them go on for an extended, unhealthy period of time. i am much happier with my gradual slopes than i ever was with peaks and valleys. Perhaps i would feel differently if i were an artist, wishing to express the full range of unmitigated human emotion, but I find that for everday living my current state is much better
Imaginary Man, yes, my lows are very low although the trouble is that I am an artist (or creative, I mean I’m not an artist by profession) and I enjoy being manic. My dark periods are generally when I’m most creative, unless I get so low that I have to will or energy to do anything. I can’t get much of anything done while I’m manic, this is the time to just ride the wave and temper the building anxiety with alcohol- feel some crazy love for all mankind and find someone to sleep with. …that sounds bad…
I always felt somewhat like I do now, even as a child. I used to tell my grandmother, whom I lived with, that I wished I was dead. I couldn’t have been more than 5…it was kind of morbid that I would come up with that. I still think about the end… that option. I don’t even know if I’m bi-polar or borderline or whatever. I question all of it because this is the way I’ve always been, for as long as I can remember. If I can’t have anything else in this world, at least I can keep myself.
vortical- as long as your not a danger to yourself or others i dont see any reason you should go on drugs. if i were you i would wait till my thinking was at its peak, i would then devise a plan to get rid of all the effects i was not happy with. if you can make a plan that you believe to be possible, it will work. (easier said then don, but its worth a whole hearted try. forget all the made up labels for whats wrong with you, deconstruct your ego and start from scratch . good luck (if you wish to try).
p.s. i dont think mental illnesses are caused by genetics. genetics can make you more subseptable to mental illness, but i think it all comes down to the way you think. so if that is true you can think yourself into a mental illness and you Can think your way out.
no ive never met a shitsophranic, and(due to lack of research) i probobly shouldnt be giving my advice. i never said it was "simple to think your way out, but i do think it is possible.
Believe me if I could think my way out of my thinking, I would. I probably wouldn’t be here hashing out all of my crap… When your thoughts are the illness, how can you think your way out? That’s like asking your cancer to cure itself or something. Sometimes it scares me to the extent at which a volatile thought will linger and repeat- rolling over and over again- as it builds. It’s like when you have a song stuck in your head and you hate it… you might try putting the radio on and listening to something different- it works. You actually hear the thoughts, you’re not thinking them- you’re hearing them. Sometimes, but rarely I can get away with flipping stations in my head…usually alcohol helps, but sometimes it only makes the music worse. It’s maddening in that it won’t stop, and that others think you can make it stop. It’s maddening that they only see a small glimpse of what has surfaced outwardly. Other people are so lucky- It feels like if they were in my head for a day, they would probably get eaten alive…
sorry vortical. i know nothing about your illness. i had a severe case of o.c.d. that i was able to get out of by calming my mind, i then felt better, so i told myself i was cured, i believed myself, and now i dont have o.c.d. . maybe this is only possible on certain illnesses under certain circumstances, but my theory is if you can truely believe that your better you will be.
I believe I am who I am. I’m happier when I don’t fight it, when I confront it, when I admit and accept it. I wish I could make it go away out of convenience, but then I wouldn’t be who I am.
I don’t know if anyone mentioned this, but those symptoms that you listed are factors of hypomania, a milder form of mania. Full blown mania is not the “end of love and joy” or whatever, it’s a state of unbelievable fear, and pain. Mania escalates to psychosis, and eventually to stupor. Does that sound appealing to you?
Of course, she also had this bizarre (to me) notion that if she only could “give her burden over to God,” he would cure her depression. It never worked while we were together, and I doubt it has by now, either.
) that being drunk definately affects the mind. And if certain personality disorders weren’t organic, how could they be treated with drugs?