Easier said than done, except when agree with Jesus’s lost years along the Silk Road, few attest to it, though.
Indeed.
I could adapt Aristotle’s line to say: “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the foundations of the man”.
Catholicism is distinct from Christianity.
That’s certain, people were gifted back then, they foresaw the pr that could make tons of money, literally shrouding the mystery of Faith into assurances to see without having to believe in it,
Which doesn’t discount the value in it
as priceless
Oh thank you, you have a unique ability to find beauty in broken things I see. Yes, I thought Catholicism was essentially all but gone from my beliefs, but I guess there inside me it lingers somewhere. Even though I have broken free from the chains of indoctrination decades ago, it came back to grasp control of my mind when my mind failed. I suppose that is telling of some nature of the human psyche and experience, one that I don’t feel the energy to analyze at the moment.
I have been experiencing the opposite of mania for some many months now and also experienced a decline in my mental faculties. Not the normal day to day stuff, but my greater thinking skills that I have showcased in these forums and elsewhere some time ago. Apathy, has ravaged my mindset on the matter, there are reasons for that beyond depression, I think. Much of it that it doesn’t really matter to people in this world anymore, except for maybe a handful that may stumble upon my thoughts. But it does not do me much good in the real world, it’s fairly superfluous.
There are those who find success do so out of hard work and luck, those who find failure do so out of hard work and misfortune, or no work and misfortune. And there are those who find success that do so out of luck and dastardly human attributeThere is the case that manic episodes deteriorate and that may be part of my current problem, but a bigger problem currently is the most depressed mentality I have ever had in my life. My only source of joy in some time was knowing I could walk in front of a train and end it all. But then, the pain of thinking that knowing what it will do to my children, didn’t bring that much joy either. So I have trudged on. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I am not so sure in this case. I have substantially weakened, morally, with my values, with my studious nature, with my discipline, with everything that was good about me. The depression may not seem as urgently dangerous as mania, but is every bit a problem that wrecks my daily life.
The things I have thought and said to myself, about myself, I probably shouldn’t share, but they are not beautiful I assure you. This is an ugly disease, one that leads to many taking their life. I read approximately half of us attempt to do so at some point in our lives. Our life span is shortened by a good 13 years to the normal human. I wonder what it is like to be normal sometimes, I am certain it is better as this disease is debilitating. I don’t know if those who have experienced what I have would have taken their lives already, but it is trudging through hell… and when you’re going through hell, keep going, as Churchill said, is some quote that bestows upon my dilapidated ego a sense that I may be tough just having to endure this hellish mental state.
I can fake it good enough though, so that my kids don’t see it too much, but surely my actions and daily life lets them see I am not as good as I used to be inside. Yesterday we had a fire in the backyard and made smores, it was over a year and a half since we did that. I am divorced now, but my kids seem well adjusted. I provide humor and wisdom to them still, whether I believe in it or not anymore.
This state of consciousness is void of enjoyment, full of apathy. I have actually in the past few weeks grown angry, which to me is a good thing, because at least I felt something. Hopefully I can channel that anger towards something constructive. But for the first time in my life, I do hate the world. Not really my world, I hate society these days. The internet. The wealthy. The laws, the system, the government. I hate the United States now, after being a patriot most of my life. The corporations, the products, the internet, the jobs, the social structure, the norms. I do hate it all. I see the current era as a dystopia.
So its hard to be a good parent when inside I despise the world we live in. I do not let anyone know that, and I do not let that hate change my actions as much as possible. But surely there is an influence, I am just hoping it is minimal and barely detectable. As I said, I can fake it.
I do not know what will become of this, hopefully I can change my mindset, but it is not good for me and the ones I love, if I am capable of love after all this self hate and regret I have poured into myself.
These are mad times to me, this dystopia we reside in. The people deserve it too, but not all of course. But enough do.
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Somewhere deep down i find it astonishing that the human mind can really just choose what to be and how to be.
I spent most of my life to bring my wretched selves into one single entity, under one concept, where their existences can be justified and exist in harmony with eachother.
Meanwhile others pull experiences like this one where they cant even contend with the idea that their antithesis is still a part of them and they experience a need of obliterating it and thus a part of themselves.
For all the poison you have spit at random strangers in this life, because of some self-righteous impulse, maybe you should think about it. What value do you bring?
Just don’t be a bitch about it and try to take a bunch of random strangers with you.
For fuck’s sake.
Aah damn they got you too, eh? I read in there that you got kids. I think that’s what got you… you fell into the working class family trap and obligated the rest of your life to being the capitalist’s gimp. Now you’re fucked and can’t just walk away. You got kids and a three hundred thousand dollar wooden box you’re commited to paying for for the rest of your life (i could build you one in a week for a quarter of that price).
Is the world a joke wrapped in a joke wrapped in a joke? Yes, but that’s not the problem. The problem is that you took it siriusly and now it’s got you.
WW_lll_ANGRY… I hear you.
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What are you referring to as poison?
.
Focus on those.. positive things.
.
I don’t think you are alone, in feeling that.
I reckon I am coming out of my depression a bit since I am writing again and am able to talk about things. Apathy is being lifted a bit. I conveyed this to my sisters, and let them know about my depression I’ve been experiencing and my withdrawal from everything in general. So as I know, this may mean the pendulum is swinging towards another manic episode which I do have some meds stocked up for that time. I do not take meds during depression because I just think I could get through it, and its more important to save it for manic times.
I have been getting back on dating apps, even though I don’t think I should engage in a long term relationship with a woman anymore considering my state of mind. I still have strong desires to be with women and am appreciative of the few that have shared their body with me in the time I have been divorced, and apparently they are still willing to even without a relationship. However I am looking for something a bit more consistent, but not too consistent. I’m sure that is hard to find as many even at my age still want a long term relationship or to get Married Which, being married was nice I see because of the tax breaks, and now I have to pay a whole lot more while everything gets a whole lot more expensive as well, so that has taken a toll on me and my kids.
I hope to go on a date with a real hottie not this week but next, who is looking for “short term fun” so that is something that I look forward to. Not sure if I will be able to pull to get to be able to enjoy sex with someone who likely is mentally healthy and beautiful at that, but I would value the chance. I am very appreciative of the women who have shared their body with me, I do not wish to hurt any of them emotionally at all, I am pretty easy going relationship wise but I am still exploring this new found single life, which is quite different after being married for twenty years. It is in my mind, not as easy to connect emotionally with women at this age, as it was when we were younger and more inexperienced about everything. But connecting physically seems a bit easier, perhaps at least for my state of mind. I have my daughter with me full time, she is 19, so I haven’t been able to invite any women over because I am not going to do that in front of my daughter, unless we were in a serious relationship and she was getting to know my kids.
I have had a routine cursing the world, cursing myself upon waking every day. Quite the way to start off on the wrong foot but for some reason I have been compelled to cry out in misery after a sleep. Sometimes in the middle of the night. I just hope my kids don’t hear, but that seems to be subsiding. I try to hide my negativity with a playful nature with my kids. My son thinks I’m a good dad. My daughter has some more reservations about that but loves me, we live near a very affluential area in which she is able to see what other families have and has more experience comparing to our own. I haven’t been very strict on my kids, I don’t think I have guided them as well as I should have, a lot of that has to do with my ex wife. But at least my daughter is pursuing things, she wants to be a firefighter which is a good career I think, and she’s in courses for for the past couple years. My son, does not like school, but I keep reiterating the importance of it to him, including college. I don’t mind taking care of them as much as I can for any length of time, considering my perspective on the outside world anyway. I just want them to be happy.
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For all I know, your entire existence.
You trifle me with your argument from ignorance.
I’m just saying, you know, the furious preachers and hell raisers are precicely the people who hate themselves, the world, everybody, everything, and want to kill themselves.
These are the lights that we are to take guidance from.
Maybe it would be better if there were, you know, less of you.
Lol know I gave him a will to live, to stick it to the people he hates which include himself.
Vat a verld.
You gave me nothing.
“These are mad times to me, this dystopia we reside in. The people deserve it too, but not all of course. But enough do”
I agree with madam Poppins but also believe ‘taking em down with you’ is a little excessive. I mean, unless that means being an unpleasant existentialist to be around… that kind of ‘taking them down’, then that’s more realistic.
But about ‘taking em down with you’ for real-for real, that would make you criminal, and it’s difficult to justify violent crime of the sort we imagine you engaging in as, say, one of those shooter guys. You gotta have a reeeeely good reason to qualify for ‘taking em down with you’ without being criminal in doing so. To achieve this and avoid being criminal, you must find a fundamental contradiction in the State that disqualifies it of its status to call you a criminal. If this can be done, not only can you take em down with you but you are almost obligated to do so as a citizen (if you like being all citizeny with the rest of the sheep).
In any case, i support the unpleasant existentialist option for you and quite enjoy spreading suspicion, fear, and discord everywhere myself. I like to make people uncomfortable.
““Catholicism is distinct from Christianity.”
Ah yes, the protestant reformation. When there is no substantial gain for the state from allowing the catholic church to keep its original authority and Christianity is already ‘here to stay’ in Europe anyway, there is no danger to the ruling class in allowing the reformation to continue. Only if the christian hoax were radically changed and undermined would the ruling class become nervous.
The ruling class only needs the general mythos of Christianity to remain. What form it’s in is irrelevant. Twenty different denominations is fine so long as basic christian pacifism and obedience to the state is maintained.