I was doing some self examination on why I had abysmal self esteem at some points in my adulthood, and I think it can largely be traced to my mother. I’m not sure if she had a mental illness, but I know that her constant dumping of negativity on me through the years wasn’t characteristic of most parents, and it didn’t do me any good. By negativity I mean trying to make me feel guilty about any number of trivial things- seemingly endless guilt trips, or just emphasizing any shortcomings I had, never even noticing my achievements. I never really felt loved by her or my father. This sort of messed up my career prospects and my ability to communicate with people. Do you think it was a mental illness she had?
i’m not sure if your mother was mentally ill, but she sounds alot like mine, who was diagnosed as schizophrenic throughout her life
she would cut my dad up with a knife, she’d put a gun to my brother’s head if he didn’t do his homework, and she’d argue with herself all day.
my brother grew up to be just like her, it did affect me, but not in self-esteem, as I got older, i happy to have survived it.
but yeah, mental illness runs all through my family, but my mother was the only one violent. An aunt killed herself, an uncle had a shop-lifting problem, and another would just blank out long periods of time.
like you, i had no positive reinforcement, and there was abuse at every level-physical, sexual. emotional. you name it. she’d ignore me unless there was no one else around, i’m just glad it’s over. my dad was never home. when he was, they’d argue non-stop.
still have flashbacks and all, tried therapy a couple of times, then they’d say i was well-adjusted considering, but you could try that
you have to erase the damage she’s done, it’s affectiong you obviously. she made you think you were worthless and you can’t act as though you are.
people who’d had normal childhoods use to intimidate me until i learned to just look past the differences.
You’re right. Her affect on me was greater than it should have been, and fortunately I’m wise enough to blame myself for that. I’ve made a lot of progress though, in terms of my self esteem and seeing she was wrong to constantly put me down.
Hi guys,
I have been plagued with this for years. My mother has borderline personality disorder and is a real psycho. It has given me issues with low self esteem that I have had to work on all my life. You can follow in her path and give it to your kids OR put an end to the legacy of it. Granted, I am a little nuts (LOL) but have raised great kids, followed my dreams, and have great friends. My issues are with approval/rejection - hey when your own mother doesn’t like you, it is hard to get over.
Honey, you have to live for you and those who love you - but I know that that residue of rejection can be hard to shake off. Just don’t let it eat you alive, promise? She isn’t worth it, dammit.
Peace, brother. 