Naked Man in Laundrymat

Social Forums Non-Philosophical Chat
1

I’m at the laundrymat, cause the copper pipes are missing back at the house (happened while I was asleep). I’m loading my clothes into the machine, and thinking “I don’t have enough coins in my backpack” when a naked man walked out of the permanently locked bathroom.

It was a uncomfortable moment, as both of us simultaneously recognized he was, indeed, naked… at the same time, but I was a man on a mission to wash my clothes, and would not be detoured by a man obsessed with washing ALL his clothes.

Well, to my shock, he turned around, and walked to the far back, opened another permanently locked door, and went into a office of sorts, and shut the door.

I then realised I had just faced off with the nude owner of the laundrymat, who hopefully was experiencing financial difficulties and had to live in the laundrymay. Hopefully… that, or he just liked getting naked in the Laundrymat and washing his nuts in the sink.

Problem that rose up is this… I needed soap, and the containers to buy are in a slot machine next to the door, next to the naked man’s door.

My modesty overtook me for a moment, not wishing to encounter the naked man again, but needed soap, and walked over there.

Sure enough, naked man, now dressed, walked out and said “thank you for your patronage” and tried to hi-five me, which was quite inappropriate, and I shrugged my shoulders and continued loading coins.

A soap box fell, but didn’t fall flat, but upright, and I could touch it with my fingertips, but not get it flat. I managed to move it both ways with my fingers. At that moment, formerly nakedman said “Goodbye honey” and the old scary looking fat woman smoking a cigarette outside said “see you later sweetheart”.

I was desperate for my soap, no hangers or magazines in sight, and was loathed to ask formerly naked man for something to stick in there, out of fear of what he might use… then remembered my cellphone, and got it quick.

I got my clothes spinning, woman thanked my for using their laundrymat, and walked up to a candy machine… it has Frito’s, Cheez-itz, and Swedish Fish. I hate Swedish People, but love the little red fishes they catch, so went for it. Cost 1.00, I put a dollar bill in, and it shook, and didn’t give me any fish, or another option.

I went to nakedman’s wife, asked her for help, but she said she doesn’t work here.

2

If I were you I’d call the cops and have him arrested. There is nothing more horrible than seeing a naked person. We’re all supposed to be wearing fig leaves.

I don’t know what would pan out in court though. Depends on your laws. It may be that he can do that on his own property in your state. Over here, however, you can be arrested for that. I read about a case where a dude inside his own house walked past his back door naked and was seen from one hundred yards away by some kids on the other side of the fenceline of his property. He was charged with a felony and is now a registered violent sex offender for life.

3

Ha ha, not, I don’t live in the Old Dominion state of Virginia, I live in the far more enlightened state of West Virginia.

I remember when I lived in San Francisco people used to be allowed to walk around naked, and even go in restaurants nude. One asshole rode around on a bicycle naked, with nothing but what looked like a metal shoehorn covering his package, which was actually polite, as he could of gone with less.

We have so many Smears/Drug Addicts that they hit up every house eventually. Gotta pick up some Pex once I wake up tonight after landlady gets paid. Just had some frosty naked dumping water time in the basement once I found where the main water line was. Luckily, today is payday for her. I remember in the plumbing course I took years ago Pex can be used in place of copper.

I’m a little pissed as they took the copper to the heater, and I can’t for the hell if me figure out what this metal thing they cut off next to the hot water heater is.

I remember my great uncle had a little tin camper up in the mountains where the San Andreas faultline is, we used to visit, only ever in the winter… got some serious snow.

He had a spring coming out just below the hill of his house, and had pots and pans (and I am assuming a gas or propane heater, never saw it) on rocks set cut into the hill above the springflow. Some neighbor kids a quarter mile away used to stroll down half naked mid winter, strip, and dump container after container of that freezing water on them. Pissed Uncle off all the time, how it was freezing.

In Alaska, they used to make us hike around in freezing water in shorts early morning, not be allowed to dry in sub freezing temperatures for hours.

I never got used to this shit. Not the frozen showers in San Francisco down by the Golden Gate Bridge, I couldn’t even man out the ones in Hawaii… cold as fuck.

I’m a pussy. In and out.

I remember being told by the guy that runs innerfire.nl that the Iceman learned to control his body temperature by deep cold water showers and deep breathing, little by little, more by more. I can raise my body temperature up and do better than most over long stretches in the cold, but those first ten minutes my body is in worst shock. I was the only guy in formation in Alaska shaving violently early morning, but lasted the rest of the day just fine as everyone else suffered.

Weird.

4

I lived in an apartment complex when I was a teen which had a big, private hot tub. You could use it at any time, so one night some friends and I had a party at the club house at around two in the morning. There was like nine of us in that tub drinking wine coolers. The girls didn’t want beer so we had to drink what they wanted. It was December. The hot tub was in a little room beside the pool area, but the pool was closed because it was winter. So we get a buzz going and everybody dares me to jump in the fucking pool. Okay, okay, yeah I’ll do it. Hell, it might even get me laid later on.

So I step out of the tub, walk through the door into the pool area, and take a running leap into the pool. When I hit the water it felt like needles stabbing me all over my body. I swam to the edge and climbed out while everyone was clapping and laughing. Two seconds later I almost died. When I tried to walk back to the tub I fell over, but caught myself, and sat there for a minute in a delirious stupor while they all jumped out of the tub and ran over: ‘are you alright dude!?’ I think it was the sudden change of hot tub temperature to ice cold temperature that did it. See I was thinking by being heated by the hot tub water I could manage the freezing cold water… like they would cancel each other out or something. Boy was I wrong. Instead, the opposite happened. Extraordinary shock.

Don’t EVER do that. Even if you think it will get you laid.

I didn’t get laid that night, either. What a bunch of bullshit.

5

Why not take it all with a pinch of salt ~ as they seemed to be doing so. :mrgreen:

I love people like that, they just don’t give a damn and when the world shits on your face why should you.

Lols at her stating she doesn’t work there. Though obviously she could have helped and that would get my goat a bit.

6

I grew up in Minnesota. Senior year, there was a dare, right about January/ Drive up to the lake , Calhoun, it was called, and made a circular shaped hole in ice, and the dare was to swim under the ice, but not too far, so as to retun to the hole and come back up. We all felt pretty good back then in that year, roaring toward June, things to come, this was the sixties, and remeber jogging around and around the lake of the isles, tearing, when hearing all these tagedies befalling oine afte the other: Marylin Monroe, JFK/ Martin Luther King. I then knew something was blowing in the wind.

7

I’ve never done anything remotely dangerous.

8

Relax, Ferg, no need to be sarcastic. I don’t think anyone here has ever questioned your masculinity. Somehow I think you think we are competing, comparing battle wounds? Fine. Back in 44 when I was dropped on Juno beach I had nothing but a sling-shot and half a pack of skittles…etc., etc.

In any case I’d have you as my right hand man any day. [ knuckle bump ]

9

Juno beach, if I recall, was Canadian, and I don’t think they met any real resistance… I honestly don’t know the feats of the Canadian Airborne, but I assume if they jumped it would of been the night before like the US Airborne.

Nobody every does research on Canadians and British landings cause they had a easy time of it. Not to disrespect anyone who died.

Weirdest thing, there is a manniquinn in my town’s museum, and it represents a guy from Apache Company from my battalion, died during that battle the night before Normandy… I heard stories of guys getting killed in spike landings that night. This guy died then, family kept his uniform (obviously not the bloody one) and medals.

What really annoys me is they mismatched some of the uniforms. I fixed the berets for example… Hate berets, and they got upset and fucked it up. Changed it back, they fuckrd it up. They don’t trust me to know that stuff, but rely in me to catalogue all their military uniforms and equipment donated and tell them what it is.

What’s odd about this guy, he died the very first night, but he kept collecting medals all the way to Germany. Guess they just mass manufactured that down at Ft. Benning towards the end of the war and everyone who died was massed issued the same stuff.

Poor guy landing in a spear. Nasty.

10

Wait, wait ,wait… you were in WW2 as well as the middle eastern conflict? What are you like 120 years old or something? Ferg, you gotta go easy on the lies man. Let me guess, you fought for the Union too, right?

11

Yeah, was Canada, just checked the wiki. They met some resistance in a couple of spots, which… I don’t know why they didn’t run up amphibious armored vehicles in the first wave to sit in the waterline where mines were unlikely to be, and 50 cal and RPG the positions with suppressive fire.

Its fucking nasty how idiotic they planned that landing, for all allied forces. Way too optimistic light infantry would have a easy time strolling through heavily fortified beaches. They could of towed amphibious vehicles as well as uparmored motorless boats along side the landing craft, left they there to provide overwatch for the guys as they moved in.

So much about that battle pissed me off. They had years sitting on their ass, and never once thought “ya know, our amphibious assault tactics have a obvious crucial flaw. Maybe we can rig some shit up”.

I would of pointed that out, told the captain and all the officers Navy can’t hit shit, and everything always goes wrong, and we really need a overwatch position providing covering fire. One of the officers would of insisted the landing craft obviously has machine guns on it, and the Navy would support us, but Id be like “like hell” and organized a few renegade guys to help me start stealing scrapmetal and old junky row boats, turning up at the company grounds at night, partially up armored by morning a few weeks in advance.

My unit would of had my ass working for a week stealing scrap metal and nailing it to two stolen row boats with several 50 Cals all fitted to be attached through slits (50 cals kept in armory, but still fitted).

Night before, we would secretly drag that to the beach hoping the colonel wouldn’t see it, couple of us sleep in it so it doesn’t get stolen, curse out the boat corporal saying they indeed were getting lashed to the side of our platoon’s boat, so tough shit and feel free to write us up, we will return to camp right now to be court marshalled …feel free to go without us if you don’t like it. A little cover fire would of done wonders. Still don’t know why the landing craft wasn’t decked out with 50 cals.

Who thing was a nasty ugly mess, waste of infantry.

(No, my Unit was, I was not. [en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/501st_I … ted_States](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/501st_Infantry_Regiment_(United_States)

They ain’t joking on wikipedia that this page has some issues, fuck, can’t get basic facts right, or our flash.)

12

I thought the landings were done quite well, myself, all things considered. And why would you fit landing craft with machine guns? Consider the terrain, and the fact that machine guns won’t do squat against fortified pill boxes way up on the hill. They did all they could do given the environment and conditions of the battle. You pound the shore line with the heavy battle ship guns, then you send wave after wave of infantry up those beaches. Meanwhile you drop paratroopers behind the enemy and attack from both sides. No other way to do it.

You know, if it wasn’t for those false transmissions the Germans intercepted, making them believe the landings would take place elsewhere, the allied forces would have never taken those beaches. Even though Hitler’s main forces were exhausted by that time, he still could have defended those beaches successfully… even if all he had left were 70 year old conscripted civilians to do it.

The German’s lost the war because Hitler stabbed Stalin in the back. That was the worst mistake he could have ever made. The Russians won that war, not the U.S., unless you count fat man and little boy. But then credit would go to the physicists, not the military.

13

(at this very moment Ferg is typing frantically and getting ready to blow me away with his military knowledge. I think I just signed my own death warrant, folks)

14

Not much to say in reply.

Just, if the Germans are using 50 cal machine guys on your guns, good chance your 50 cals can shoot just as far, and providing suppressing fire for infantry moving is always great for said infantry, as long as your not aiming at them. These guys would of been well above them on these shore boats.

Tell me if you were one of the guys with Tom Hanks on that boat at the start of the movie, you wouldn’t want 4 guys up there letting loose on every machine gun nest and sand dune with a Nazis sticking His head up before that door opened. I sure would. Dear God, even if you can’t kill them, send as many bullets as possible at the concrete pillbox, let it bounce around inside of there.

Suppression fire is your friend, unless of course your the one being suppressed.

15

And just to make it clear, I am not aggressive in the discussions here, usually quite laid back and non-commited, and open to pluralism. People run around with conspiracy theories all the time, or bad sociology and Hegelian historical concepts, I just shrug it off.

I’m quite charitable, I go out of my way at times to let everyone be wrong. They don’t mind being fucked up and stupid, why should I care to stop them? That’s tolerance. I’m a nice guy to allow people to have their beliefs.

16

Okay, 50 calibers fitted on landing craft. Immediately I envisage two possible problems. The water was very choppy that morning; would a water logged 50 cal work? Second, these boats would be stationary after they landed, and therefore sitting ducks for the german’s mortar fire and machine guns. And when these craft go boom, everybody within twenty feet is turned into swiss cheese.

Don’t we all, my friend.

17

Listen, if your about to launch a amphibious assault, on a misty beach after a foggy night, and your worried your 50 cals of all things won’t work due to a little dampness, then its time to call a rain delay, as no one’s weapons gonna work.

Secondly, you can weld a frame on top, and have guys lie in the prone. The presence of 50 cals doesn’t make the boat more prone to blowing short of a bullet hitting a ammobox… but this holds try for the guys magazines in their M14 rifles.

Late of fire set ABOVE the men. Simple, can’t shoot down. 180 degrees left, up, right.

No conceivable reason not to.

They had the tech, they understood suppression fire, and covering moving infantry. Just… all those officers, and no one noticed. Same with the Hedgerows, it was a lower ranking NCO who figured out you could weedwack and saw through them. All the officers were stumped forever on it.

My solution as a light infantryman would of been hand saws for all the light infantry. I had a Gerber saw in Alaska, cut down a bunch of trees with parachutes stuck in them real fast with it. This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t of preferred tanks with the ability to cut through, but it would of taken me 5 minutes to know the trick to getting through hedges involves quickly, inmass cutting through.

18

Maybe. I’m wondering how you would mount the 50 cals on a higgins, though. Ah…

Now you have a boat with a much lower load capacity, which means you’ll have to use more boats to get your desired number of infantry on the beach.

And, the infantry rifles were held by soldiers inside the boat, the barrels capped with plastic bags or condoms, right? As such they could be kept pretty dry… or dry enough. Maybe not so easy for a 50 cal mounted on the stern I’m thinking.

It’s not the ammo box you’re worried about. It’s the diesel fuel that’s the danger. A bullet in the right spot and boom… no more higgins.

I would imagine the invasion planners had thought of this, Ferg. There must be some reason why they didn’t do it.

If you ask me, I wouldn’t have stormed the beaches. Ida stayed a half mile off the coast and gave them heavy shell fire for as long as it took, coordinated with bomber runs.

19

Oh no no no, no… the invasion planners did not plan this, a guy might of, but it sure the hell didn’t make it out of his team and become a much larger topic of discussion.

You cannot assume genius is the natural result of planning counsels, coordination is… people are hesitant to offer solutions, or even speak up noting there is a problem in the first place, if it doesn’t involve their little area, and they assume just like you… those nagging details will get sorted out, all these people, someone will say it, why make it look like I’m worried? The higher ranking officer is looking at everyone thinking the same… they are working the issues.

I was hated alit in these discussions for my awkward capacity to note the plan sucked and needed to unsuck, and would explain why… and the response was, if translated to this context “Don’t worry, the navy will have gunboats providing covering fire, and the airforce will bomb everything. Why do you keep nagging this issue, are you scared?”

So we go and do shit, and everything fucks up, and I get dirty looks like I made it happen.

It takes your lieutenants at least a hour to stare at a map and agree with each other his they will coordinate, company commander longer, battalion longer… it is group think. Drags ass slow.

Its ironically at this stage I would be approached to make something for them. Retarded little things that didn’t matter.

It is okay, the loading capacity of the boats was higher than the mass of men on the boat, they were designed to land vehicles with men inside them. It wouldn’t of set it off balance, and if it did, it would be in the rear, giving the ship more thrust.

Even if we held to your supposition of less men offloaded, it would equal to a more efficient offloading, as more could safely make it to shore.

This is how they did it WITHOUT the guns:

I want suppressive fire THE WHOLE WAY when I run up a beach when in front of a enemy concrete bunker. None of thus jumping object to object crap, no fancy crabwalk maneuvers to bewilder the machine gunner targeting me… I want him ducking, so I can run up there and kill him.

This requires suppressive fire overheard targeting the airspace above my platoon as we move, the second before the door lowers, till we get out of site of the boat gunner.

I promise you much better momentum, with fewer guys, than vice versa.

Look at modern methods:

20

Right. I saw Saving Ryan’s Privates too so I’m aware of all this. And yes I understand the matter of bad planning, but it seems to me something so critically important wouldn’t have been missed like that. I suppose we could try it, but we’d have to protect the 50 cals from becoming watered down. Design a protective shield to prevent this. I don’t like the welded plate mounting though. I don’t want my soldiers in a prone position under this thing. I want them upright and off that fucking boat the moment the ramp drops. No crawling out from under the gun. We’re talking fractions of a second here, soldier. I don’t want to have to send a letter to some poor girl in Kansas telling her her boyfriend was wasted because he couldn’t get off the boat fast enough. You’ll mount the 50 cals on the stern instead.

Good luck, and godspeed.

[ salutes ]