Everything is complicate.
The pilot licence is maybe a slight bit of wishful thinking in the sense that I see job postings for as little as what I make right now. With the benefit that you are an airplane pilot, but still. That’s 5 years of eating shit to make the same money. And realistically a ceiling of about 200k in an optimistic scenario.
On ze other hand. If I speak to the bosses about cutting down to three days a week, and consider it an investment of the equivalent of what I would spend on aeroplane training, I could simply take the plunge into developing the business with full force. The ceiling is infinity, and the worst case is fuck it the woman I wanted a family with thinks I’m an annoying, uncomfortable-making nuisance.
Three weeks ago I would have thought the bosses would be against, but there is a massive slow down in construction where I am (I work in a construction tool rental company), and they are probably already thinking themselves of cutting hours. They might be heavily relieved, specially if I make it clear that I would be taking on a personal project and might be open for full time again if they need it when they need it.
When I started, we were barely staffed enough to fulfill all orders. Then suddenly, out of the blue (probably a bunch of quarterly contracts expired), maybe some days I make a single delivery, and basically wash the trucks over and over the rest of the time (no tool returns to service).
Because you fucks were scared of Big Trump Man and had to wear your little ninja masks.
Anyhow, that might be the best plan now. It would also reduce the amount of days I have to see the girl and be reminded of my failure to as little as one day. Fucking Paula. God bless her. I hope the weirdness passes for her and she can go back to full timing her gorgeous bubbly self.
Probably shouldn’t do it in the middle of a ret, but on the other hand maybe I have to learn to stop worrying and roll with it. Maybe the ret revolutionizes and that is what it is supposed to do.
Cigarette craving biting. I finished the pack. I am not buying or bumming another one. I remember this pain, I can beat it.
Sometimes you break an important chain, and you think you are in some different dimension. But you are in the same dimension.
God can slow you down to give you perspective.
I got a half bottle of rum and a pack of red marlbroughs from the Philippines. What shall I do?
I have a ticket for a outdoor rave with a tba location, but they never A’d and I think i got stiffed.
Nope, got the address. At 10 fn pm. It’s a actual rave. And here I am wearing a pink shirt and moccasins. I had given up and was going downtown.
Fuck it.
I actually like being this age, though. I like being a giant monster. I’m tough, too, strong. My work is like lifting weights for 8 hrs. I did two pull ups from arms fully extended, and it felt like nothing. I didn’t do more cause I didn’t want to offend the guy who started it, who could barely do 1. The guy who comes in for an hr and fixes machines.
It’s a nice feeling.
Running into the first ravey looking people. Intimidating to be this much out of place.
No drugs. Fucking no drugs. There’s still a chance the coal mine people might get back to me.
Haha this party may be too underground. I see like 40 people here.
The music int trrrible but there’s one gizzirl for every ten sticks
Honestly this oughta teach me
Sunk cost fallacy, I gotta get outta here. But to go where?
Well, that was the last “party.”
I was trying to escape myself. I don’t think I need to do that anymore. I have all the information I needed (what I was trying to escape).
Do I take a tiny sip of the leftover rum to chase away the not quite hangover? I’m supposed to help build an extension for the shed to store motorcycles and such in.
I think coffee will do fine.
In the end went for a little daytime drinking.
A touch nihilistic, this.
It’s like with any other drug, though. You can’t undrink yourself. So you might as well dig in.
But at least I’m not bullshitting myself with tragedy stories.
I’m me.
But if this is the one me I have, I better get to work on getting me up to snuff.
The answer I’m looking for is not at the bottom of this bottle. But what is the answer I’m looking for?