Oh Maker, Maker!

Creative Forums Creative Writing
1

Here are my eyes
take them
so i mayn’t not see

Here are my arms
saw them
so i mayn’t not fight

Here are my balls
nutcracker 'em
so i can’t return

Here are my teeth
grind them
so i mayn’t not eat

Here are my legs
boil them
so i mayn’t not soar

Here is my torso
feed it
so i mayn’t not hunger

Here are my ears
sew 'em up
so I can’t see

Here are my lips
bite 'em off
so i mayn’t not speak

Here is my tongue
pierce it
so i mayn’t not cry

Here is my skin
needle it
so i mayn’t not feel

Here are my words
curse them
so i mayn’t not dream!

2

This poem is very understandable and though it is simple, many people probably identify with it at times. You should go through it though because I think you missed a few easy things typing it in a rush, for example:

“Here are my ears
sew 'em up
so I can’t see”

I think you were going for eyes.

And in the first stanza, you used, “Flea,” when you were going for, “Flee.”

3

Thanks for taking the time to go through them Pav.

No, actually I was going for ‘flea’ and ‘see.’ The first is probably a really bad pun, but the second is a deliberate mixed-metaphor. Whether or not they are effective I am still undecided about. Okay, now I am decided. ‘Flea’ is out, good call, but ‘see’ remains.

4

No problem, I liked the poem overall.

I can see why you are leaving, “See,” in there, I missed the mixed-metaphor, but now I get it.