I just feel like my phone calls are listened to. My computer activity and tv choices are monitored. Even the books i take out of the library are logged.
Oh, wait the patriot act. Aside from being paranoid, I must be realistic, too.
Nirvana lyric: “Just cuz you’re paranoid, does not mean i’m not after you.”
I’m always trying to figure out what I am, weird as it may sound. Am I my eyes? Or my head, because that’s where I think from, right? Or my heart, because without my heart how would I function?
Some of my own paranoia also includes forgetting to breathe. And the biggest reason, because it has happened before. I forget what it is called, but I do know it has a certain name. Some time back, I had an anxiety attack which really messed with my breathing. I began to have asthma but my inhaler wouldn’t work. My breathing was very quick and I did not have enough intake. When I finally fell asleep that way, my breathing would slow so much that I would wake up gasping for air, having not breathed for minutes at a time.
This has also happened to me on other days. Except, I would continuously think how relaxing it would be to not breathe at all. And once I would try it, I would forget to breathe. I found it odd myself. And when I would snap out of my little daydream, I would start gasping and people would look at me as if I were crazy.
And so I am not necessarily afraid, but rather worried that this may just result in my death when I am asleep…
Trust me. I think I’ve been trying to figure that one out Far too long.
At first I thought it was in my eyes. That there were cameras in my eyes and people could see all and everything I could see. Or were they even people? Eh. Creepy.
Then I started to get paranoid about windows. I thought someone may have put a camera in my window and was watching me like in the movies. I still keep my blinds closed. I never open them.
Another paranoia of mine which I haven’t been able to overcome for far too many years is the spider in the toilet. Every time I use the toilet, I have to check it thoroughly before I can use it.
I really wish I could just get over myself.
But see it actually happened once to. And that fact that my paranoia actually comes true only freaks me out more. Heh.