I am afraid so. You can take a horse to water but cannot make him drink. If one parent with a gay child gets the spiritual side of the message, then it will have been worth while.
Yep, if I was your son, I’d be pissed. Sorry if that wasn’t the answer you were looking for, but to me, it seems he told you because he wanted acceptance. Not acceptance under the condition that he remain celibate, but acceptance with any style of life he chooses.
It is implied several times throughout your posts that waiting until marriage is your preference, which would imply that not waiting would somehow displease you. If this isn’t the case, then why mention your preference to begin with?
I’m sure hearing from your father that a homosexuals place in life is a life without sex, period, isn’t too easy on the ears.
I am weary of repeating myself. I told him my preference, just as he has a right to tell me his.
Give me a break! What kind of reasoning is that? Who do you vote for?
Mystic celibates report over a hundred orgasms a night. How bad is that on the ears.? 
You take one step towards God and He pays you back a hundred fold.
Not going to lie, the not believing in God thing definitely plays a role in how I would’ve handled the situation.
Ahh well! There it is! The truth surfaces! Why did you and most of the rest not say so from the beginning. How can you all argue so vehemently against something you know nothing about? All you had to say is : I am an atheist and this don;t cut with me and it would have ended there. I have been baging my head against brick walls all along. ](https://www.ilovephilosophy.com/uploads/default/original/2X/7/7c349bf1053f368a5729d053e1e91215f22ce66c.gif "Brick wall"){kind=small}
Hey man, you could have titled the thread “God Hates Fags”; that would have been even more expedient.
Did you advise your straight children to spend a few years focusing on celibacy before deciding if they were straight?
An alternative way to say this is:
Look son, everyone’s purpose happens to line up perfectly with there most basic desires, except for you. As such, you are not only purposeless, but you must deny the very thing which gives others there purpose.
Seems like it would be less detrimental if you just hit in the face and told him to “get the fuck outta here”. At least then he would be free of you, and not weighed down by the veiled scorn of someone he is still connected to.
Don’t be confused by people saying “most people would react worse”, you are telling your son to deny what you believe gives others there identity. A harsher critique could not be made. Not to mention that the tacit assumption that since he is homosexual he is going to be promiscuous, tied with your “promiscuity makes you sick” comment…you are essentially saying that who he is makes you sick.
This problem is nationally divisive.
The incompromising nature of the previous two quotes, which are either totally ignorant of all that has been said before, or totally dismissive of everyhting that has been said, is clear evidence that most minds are set in concrete and nothing is going to be resolved soon. Meantime, my son and I have a life-time to work on it. Best of luck to the rest of you.
You seem to think you have handled this perfectly. People are pointing out to you why they feel that what you did was not the best way to go about it.
Psychologically, your son will probably feel that you have shunned him…advising him to be celibate for a few years before deciding his sexuality sends the message that you think his choice is wrong and he needs to try again…unless you told your straight children to spend a few years thinking about it. It sends the message that they are right- he is wrong. They did good- he did bad.
Look here big boy, you can’t come in here and tell us how you acted, and then spend the next 10 posts telling us the implications aren’t there because of some fiat such as “i love my son the same no matter what”. Such statements MUST be dismissed… Your proclamations contradict your actions and what seem to be your underlying beliefs. If this fools your son, good for you, and probably good for him, but don’t think you fooled any of us. You are very confused.
I would recommend that you get over your silly convictions and embrace what is real…Your relationship with your son, because honestly, if your proclamations of love are true, you will suspend your convictions before you would even think of acting this abusively toward your son.
Furthermore, the quicker you realize that your world-view is contradicting itself, the quicker you can manage the damage it is probably doing to your son, and the quicker you can help your son resolve the contradiction you have taught him. I imagine you have some inkling of this contradiction and that is why you posted here -so we could help assuage your uncertainty - make it somehow endurable…this is not what happened…it’s time to adapt, not turn back to the very convictions that caused the problem.
“Most minds are set in concrete and nothing is going to be resolved soon”, can only be seen as an affirmation of one’s own position for so long…
This post is hereby open to all the expert opinions so far expressed. I am most anxious to know what i should have told my son. Remember, he came to me. So don’t tell me I should have just walked away. Something had to be said. So lets hear it.
I already told him that promiscuous sex could possibly end in AIDS. If he chose a spouse, be true to him. Or spend a life with God.
So what have you got to offer that I missed.? That it is okay to cheat on the side? Speak up. Remember you are not allowed to tell him what you think is the best advice, because that might make him hate you.
You should not have sent him a message that suggests that you think who he is is somwhow the wrong choice. Saying that you think he should think more about his sexuality before coming to a decisions suggests that you are disapointed with his choice and want him to think more about it and come to a choice that you agree with.
I think after 20 years his son had a good idea of how his father would react. Most homosexuals only come out to their parents because they feel bad about having to hide it, not to gain advice. He did what he thought was best…so what? Why ride him for his convictions? He doesn’t get on your case for yours. I’m not sure what he was hoping to accomplish by posting on here, but everyone should stop attacking him because he’s not going to change his mind and you’re not going to change yours. He even told his son that if he chose a MALE partner to be faithful to him. It could sound like a veiled attack on homosexuals, that they’re all promiscuous…and largely…it’s true! I personally know at least two dozen homosexuals and they have casual sex far more than any straight people I know. AIDS is more prevalent in homosexuals than hetero…he was only looking out for his son.
Again, I don’t know why he posted this on here, but everyone should just shut up. It’s not getting anyone anywhere. If you can’t even see his perspective than that’s sad.
I think, Koifer, you touched on an important point: Why did he post it here? Why did he come onto a philosophy message board and air his opinions? People come here all the time with their opinions on XYZ. People come here and claim to be Democrats or Republicans or Socialists or Libertarians, and they are harangued just the same for their opinions by people with other views on how government should look or be run. What’s so different about someone posting about how they parent? And what’s so awful about those who disagree, telling him that they disagree and explaining why? If he wants a shoulder to cry on or a parents’ support group, I’m sure those sites exist as well. Here, your opinions will be analyzed, and those who post here should be aware of that. I think MagnetMan could have responded better, and I told him how and why. If he disagrees, he’s welcome to support his actions. I refuse to shut up.
I’ll concede. Still, I don’t think, after hearing his explanation, what he said is as bad as everyone is making it though.
And the worst father of the decade award goes to…
…A different parent who reacted worse to their child coming out.
Koifer, it’s nice you are trying to be understanding about the complexities of parenting. Anyone who claims they have all the answers are just fooling theirselves. A good parent will love their children despite situations that come and give the best counsel they know how. Every parent makes mistakes. God knows I have. But if our children realize we have their best interest at heart, they will be understanding like MagnetMan’s son did.
I don’t think anyone is denying that, Liteninbolt. But the fact that “every parent makes mistakes” applies in this case: as far as a lot of people here are concerned, MagnetMan made a mistake. It may seem more hostile than that, but again, this is a philosophy site, and people pick on the things they disagree with. I know MM did his best, we all do, but from an outsider’s perspective, he could do better, and hopefully, if the situation ever comes up again, he will.