I’ve always believed it was very important to understand this: How the family we were born into – the family that [for most of us] will have such an enormous impact on our lives – is not one we chose to belong to at all. Yet it becomes hard wired into us in ways we will never fully understand. It will follow us to the grave. At best we can try to understand the things that we think and feel and do now in the context of what we were taught to think and feel and do back then. And to ask ourselves, “what is independent of all this?” What, in other words, is true no matter the families we were raised in?
Here though I can’t really relate to the protagonists at all. My own family interactions could hardly have been more distant. I lived largely in my own little world far, far removed from all the rest of them. Had my father not been an alcoholic [which was often the center of the universe for my mother] I would barely have interacted with them at all. But Astrid “lived in the shadows” of a mother who was all-pervasive and powerful in her life. And her mother had substance. There was simply no way to understand how she looked at the world [and her place in it] without grasping the nature of this relationship.
But then somehow it was important that her mother was “the most beautiful woman in the world”. And, being Michelle Pfeiffer, she probably was. But dangerous too. She is cruelly arrogant around folks who stoop to the quackery of things like God or astrology. The “cattle” she calls them. What others call “sheep”. And yet she can’t recognize how she is setting up her own narative in the same manner with respect to her daughter: Be yourself but only if you end up being just like I am.
Actually, though, it’s not nearly cynical enough for me. It’s just more love and human remains. With a tidy little bow tacked on for an ending.
at wiki: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Oleander_(film
trailer: youtu.be/qKXLTa4jKJo
WHITE OLEANDER [2002]
Directed by Peter Kosminsky
[b]Astrid [narrating]: Everybody asks why I started at the end and worked back to the beginning, the reason is simple, I couldn’t understand the beginning until I had reached the end. There were too many pieces of the puzzle missing, too much you would never tell.
…
Astrid [narrating]: But how do I show that nothing, not a taste, not a smell, not even the color of the sky, has ever been as clear and sharp as it was when I belonged to her. I don’t know how to express that being with someone so dangerous is the last time I felt safe…
…
Astrid [narrating]: He came into our lives without warning. She ignored him at first. He wasn’t her type. We laughed about him, his persistence. “Never let a man spend the night,” she said. “Never apologize, never explain”. She was breaking all her rules. And it would change everything.
…
Teacher: Is your mother coming tonight?
Astrid: No. She has other plans.
Teacher: More important than parents’ night?
Astrid: She’s an artist. She doesn’t care about things like parents’ night.
…
Carolee [to Astrid]: Don’t look at me like that. You’re no different than I am…you just don’t know it yet.
…
Ray: So you’re going to the Jesus show?
Astrid: Aren’t you coming?
Ray: To Bible study? No. In my opinion, if there’s a God, he sure as hell ain’t worth praying to.
Astrid: That sounds like something my mother would say.
…
Davey: Do you believe in God now?
Astrid: Maybe it’s not such a bad thing to believe in something.
Davey: It’s better to know things.
Astrid: Why? What does it get you? Does it tell you the difference between right or wrong?
…
Ingrid [in prison]: What’s that?
Astrid: Nothing. It’s just a cross.
Ingrid: I know it’s a cross. Why are you wearing it?
Astrid: It’s a present from Starr.
Ingrid: She force you to go to church?
Astrid: They’re really nice people. It’s called the Assembly of God. To join you have to accept Christ as your personal savior. And you’re baptized. They call it being washed in the blood of the Lamb. But really, it’s just water.
Ingrid: Have you accepted Christ as your personal savior?
Astrid: There’s nothing wrong with Christians.
Ingrid: Are you out of your mind? How did this happen? I raised you, not a pack of Bible-thumping trailer trash. I raised you to think for yourself.
Astrid: No you didn’t. You raised me to think like you. Maybe thinking for yourself isn’t so great. Reverend Daniels says it’s evil.
Ingrid: Evil? If thinking for yourself is evil, then every artist is evil. Is that what you believe, now that you’re washed in the blood of the Lamb? Man’s ability to reason is evil? Am I evil?
Astrid: No. No. But killing people who don’t want you is evil. We pray for your redemption.
Ingrid: Fuck my redemption. I don’t want it. I regret nothing. Look, it’s good that you’re trying to identify evil, Astrid. But evil is tricky. Just when you think you know what it is, it changes its form. Learning its nature takes a lifetime of study. I will not lose you. Not to them. Those people are the enemy, Astrid.
…
Starr: I’m going in there and cash her check.
…
Paul: How come you chopped off your hair?
Astrid: None of your business.
Paul: You’re still beautiful.
Astrid: Looks don’t interest me.
Paul: That’s easy for you to say, you’ve never been ugly.
…
Paul: I was born addicted to heroin.
Astrid: Really? And what was that like?
Paul: I don’t know - I was out of rehab by the time I was six months old.
…
Ingrid: Don’t attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you’re lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself… know what you want. And don’t let the cattle get in the way.
Astrid: You’re not talking about me. You’re talking about yourself. Sometimes I get the feeling you don’t even want me to be happy.
Ingrid: Why wouldn’t I want you to be happy?
…
Ingrid: So you spend most of your time with Claire?
Astrid: Yeah.
Ingrid: I’d like to meet her.
Astrid: Why?
Ingrid: Because you don’t want me to.
…
Claire [to Astrid]: Take my advice and stay away from broken people.
…
Astrid: Claire’s dead. She killed herself.
Ingrid: I’m sorry.
Astrid: No, you’re not. You poisoned her too, but with words.
Ingrid: I told her what she already knew.
Astrid: You were just jealous.
Ingrid: Of course I was jealous. I live in a cell with a woman who has a vocabulary of 25 words.
…
Astrid: I’m not coming back. I wanted to tell you that in person. I’m gonna leave you here, alone.
Ingrid: I know you think I’m cruel. I’m trying to protect you from those people.
Astrid: Those people are not the enemy, Mother. We are. You and me. They don’t hurt us. We hurt them.[/b]
Me, I’m split right down the middle. But then again, with respect to things like this, I always am.
[b]Rena: Workers of the world arise. You’ve got nothing to lose but your Visa card, happy meal, and Kotex with wings.
…
Ingrid: It was wonderful. You can’t imagine. To take a nap in the afternoon…to make love all day if I wanted and not have to think: What’s Astrid doing? Where’s Astrid? Mommy, Mommy…clinging to me like a spider. In the end, I just wanted to throw you against a wall.
…
Astrid: How long were you gone?
Ingrid: About a year, give or take a few months.
Astrid: My God.
Ingrid: You’re not asking the right question. Don’t ask me why I left. Ask me why I came back.
Astrid: You should have been sterilized.
Ingrid: I could have left you there, but I didn’t. Don’t you understand? For once, I did the right thing! When I came back, you knew me. You were sitting by the door, and you looked up, and you reached for me. It was as if you had been waiting for me all along.
Astrid: I was always waiting for you, mother. That’s the constant in my life. Waiting for you. Will you come back? Will you forget that you tied me in front of a store or left me on a bus?
Ingrid: Are you still waiting?
Astrid: No. I stopped when Claire showed me what it felt like to be loved. What did you think, that I would amuse you? That’s what babies are like, mother. What’d you think? We’d exchange thoughts on Joseph Brodsky?
…
Paul: What happened?
Astrid: She let me go.[/b]