You too? same 100%
He: I’m smokin crack.
She: You are capable of more. Crack is whack.
He: That’s why I’m called an (sic) polymath.
She: I would circumcise my right labia for a chastity bubble made out of titanium alloy right now.
He: 
She: 
Everyone: wtf is this?
He: Will you go out on a date with me?
She: I’ll bring my bow and arrow.
He: I was just wanting some milk.
She: I’ll bring a tent peg, too.
He: Don’t you think God has crippled me enough?
She: Apparently not. His preemptively knocking you down a peg or two sure doesn’t seem to have done the trick. Can I call you Old Peg Leg?
What’s with those people that say you should choose your opposite when you’re looking for a mate? Haven’t they heard of “men are from Mars, women are from Venus”? You could randomly go out and point at one and say — there’s my opposite, my soulmate for life. If I were ever caught dead in a bar, it’d be because I used that one.
How to let down a narcissist in a neutral manner that triggers them into stunned mode:
I don’t know if you’re beyond me or beneath me… all I know is that you’re not where I’m at right now.
He: You bring the why.
She: You bring the how.
Kid: ¿¡wtEFF‽