The answer to your question: What is a friend?
An adopted pack member.
Cool.
Yes! A friend is a surrogate family member.
A friend is a friend
I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately and I despite the simplicity of the word I don’t think many people know what it actually means.
Considering various discussions on and off ILP I think a friend is the following (personal view only).
- A friend is “other” who we like.
- We like that which we are familiar with and that which induces positive emotions.
- We become familiar with “other” through repeated exposure to “other”.
- Positive emotions occur when we develop empathy for “other”
- Empathy occurs when we see “self” in “other”
- We can only see “self” in “other” if we observe something in common with “other”
So, if we start from a stranger (that which we are unfamiliar with) and work our way from 6 through to 1… this results in the development of a friend.
Any thoughts or opinions on this?
Nope, not much other than beginning friendships are not always good. My closest friend and I started off hating each other. This is not abnormal especially in youth.
I am sorry Kriswest, I have no idea what you are talking about.
You are expressing to whom you are a friend, not whom is a friend to you.
If someone merely likes you, does that make them a friend, or merely an admirer who might not give you the time of day for their own selfish reasons? If a proposed friend isn’t willing to go to some degree of trouble to help you in need, then he is not a friend in deed.
Love is the Act of giving, not merely the joy in living.
A true friend, although not “in love”, loves none the less.
And Lady K was merely expressing that friends don’t always follow the order you expressed. Sometimes they begin as adversaries but gain an admiration for each other and become friends. Or as The Archer said, “You better call this soon. I’m starting to root for this guy.”
You have made a great point JSS and one that I considered in formulating this definition based on other peoples responses (not mine).
As you said, friendship is an expression of love (empathy) and hence is an act of giving… why would it matter if a friend does not love me back.
Actually every friend begins as a stranger and this goes without exception. We are born into this world surrounded by strangers (not friends or enemies).
[quote=“Simms”]
The Christian world wasn’t that way, but no sense mourning over the past.
There was a time when children (not “kids”) were born amongst friends they had never met and sometimes never met or even saw helping them out.
A child, when born, perceives its own world in terms of strangers (irrespective of how many “others” are helping the child).
There are many people who live lonely and friendless lives despite being surrounded by “others” who are helping them.
It purely depends on what you perceive friend to be:
Is it something that I do… or… is it something that “other” does to me.
It would only make sense that a person who is helped by "other"considers that “other” to be a friend, through the virtuous mind of gratitude, but this is not necessarily always the case.
Children are taught that those not residing within their home are “others”. The concept of not belonging is taught to many social young of higher animal status. Or I should say those animals that possess curiosity in higher levels and if they are not natural prey animals.
Very valid point Kriswest, many years ago I remember watching a friends’ cat and bird who joyfully played together. When the cat was outside, it naturally hunted other birds showing that it had the ability to differentiate food/friend. I would also put forward that, in many occasions, children are also taught that those residing in their home are “others” (this is obvious when a person works with children who have been abused).
So the concept of belonging and not belonging appears to be a taught process… this I believe is a very valid point.
Prey animals have an instinctual knowledge of others. A calf born will know that a dog, cat, human, etc, is an other and to be feared. It must be taught to trust an other. A bird is so. Your bird was taught trust of others. A flock, herd, etc. has a common smell, look and behavior that is passed down through genetic memory.
Do you think that both affection and fear are instinctual but we, and animals, can be taught to reduce (or bypass) one instinct and increase (enhance) another (in either direction)?
Yes both are instinctual in both. And yes to a point instincts can be inhibited or enhanced. Amount is depending upon the species. This includes reptiles and birds. But, on these lower orders the training must be fairly to mostly to always constant depending upon the species.
Not without extremely harmful results. There must be a balance.
I Think it is process in common. Sure, if you are obsessed with bowling, someone who also Bowls is more likely to be friend than someone else. But mainly if you like to talk about similar things and just as or perhaps more importantly in the same ways. If one person wants to talk about the Engine of the car only they may have trouble being friends with someone who want to focus on what it feels like to drive and what they saw when they took a drive. Process overlap. I also Think, as I would guess I already said, that values have to have some strong overlap, certainly any values that affect how one is with those one likes.
True but, not true. It depends upon maintenance of it.