In The Loop
Toby: Suzy, this is probably going to sound a bit odd under the circumstances, but…
Suzy: A quickie?
Meanwhile, back in Baghdad…
Gen. Miller: No, you’re doing Linton’s dirty work. You’re his English bitch and you don’t even know it. I bet if I went into your hotel room tonight, I’d see you on all fours, little fishnets on, him hanging onto the back of you.
Malcolm: Oh, that’s nice, that’s nice. That’s tough talk coming from a fucking armchair general. Why don’t you put your feet up on a poof and go back to sleep?
Gen. Miller: Tucker, you might be a scary little poodle fucker, back there in London, but here you’re nothing. You know what you look like? A squeezed dick. You’ve got a little blue vein running up the side of your head. See, that’s where I’d put the bullet. But I’d have to stand back, cos you look like you’d be a squirter.
Meanwhile, back in Kabul…
Malcolm: We have got the fucking intelligence.
Simon: I haven’t seen it.
Malcolm: The intelligence we’ve got is so deep, so fucking hard, it’ll fucking puncture your kidneys.
Simon: Where’s it coming from?
Malcolm: There is an informant. Ice Man.
Simon: Ice Man?
Malcolm: I don’t name them. Ice Man. Yeah. And the fact is, the stuff that he’s given us is… I’ve seen it. It would make your blood run cold and clot and turn your insides into fucking black puddings.
For those of you who might have forgotten, that’s “Curveball”.
Malcolm: Right. Was it you?
Simon: No, it wasn’t. No. What?
Malcolm: You do know what I’m talking about, don’t you?
Simon: No. And…And…whatever it was, I almost certainly didn’t do it.
Malcolm: Was it you, the baby from Eraserhead?
Toby: No, no.
Malcolm: Then it must have been you, the woman from The Crying Game.
Judy: It wasn’t me.
Was it you?
Gen. Miller: So you’re not resigning?
Karen: Are you still playing the hawk?
Simon: Well, in…in a way I’m playing a much cleverer game than that. I’m a fake hawk.
Gen. Miller: [pause] A what?
Simon Foster: …Fake hawk?
Gen. Miller: [pause] You’re an idiot. Or are you being a fake idiot?
The best and the brightest!
Gen. Miller: So you’re not resigning?
Karen: Are you still playing the hawk?
Simon: Well, in…in a way I’m playing a much cleverer game than that. I’m a fake hawk.
Gen. Miller: [pause] A what?
Simon Foster: …Fake hawk?
The best and the brightest!
Gen. Miller: My loyalty is to the kids. I am a soldier.
Karen: You’re not a soldier.
Gen. Miller: I’ve been a soldier my whole life! What do you mean I’m not a soldier? I’m a soldier! Look at the uniform - what, do you think I’m one of the fucking Village People?
Karen: When did you shoot a guy last?
Gen. Miller: What, just because I haven’t shot someone in fifteen years. I’m not a soldier? You know, the Army doesn’t make you drag some bullet-ridden bloody corpse into the Pentagon every five years to renew your soldier’s license!
Karen: The war is unnecessary! And if you were a good general, you’d have some balls!
Gen. Miller: Look, shut up about my balls. My balls have been around. You’ve got no idea where my balls have been.
Karen: I can talk about your balls all you want, cos I remember when…
Gen. Miller: Oh, I fucked you once 20 years ago, and I never hear the end of it! Every time we’re together, I hear this shit. I don’t even remember it!
Karen: Come on, Chad. We have to draft resignation announcements.
Chad: Actually, I think I might stay with the General, if that’s OK. If he’s staying, I might stay with him, see what assistance I can furnish.
Karen: OK…General Shrek and his faithful, talking donkey.
Uh, touche?
Uh, both sides?