To the Women of ILP

I need some advice on women.

I met a girl at the pub a couple weekends ago. We started flirting and everything about her was perfect. She’s 42, I’m 39, she’s a mother of 3 (two are grown up, the other is 13), I’m a father of 2 (5 and 7), she’s single, I’m single, she likes techno, I like hardcore techno/industrial, she doesn’t mind indulging in the occasional (eh-hem) substance, I don’t either, and she’s all round quirky and kinda socially awkward, like me. She’s also very cute (inside and out). She’s like a little kid. While most women will carry their purse out to a club or a bar, she has a little back pack. Just this weekend I met her again and she was wearing sort of a jean skirt/overalls sorta thing like this:

google.ca/search?hl=en&site … kirt+jeans

Something like a little kid would wear. All that’s missing is the little propeller hat.

She’s also got a thick German accent. We’ve texted each other and she always says “Ja” ← again, cute.

On top of that, she’s blond!!! (I’ve always wanted a blond).

I really like her so far (it’s too early to tell and I’m probably projecting a lot, but so far so good).

So we flirted and danced the first night, did a couple yagger shots, but then I left. I didn’t think anything was going to happen, so I just left.

Then on Sunday, she texted me (we were talking about a song and I asked her to text it to me, hence she had my phone number). She just wanted to say hi and what’s up. She said she was looking for me after I left. We started talking about stuff. She said I could text her any time. She said that the next time I go out to the pub to let her know and she’ll join me.

This really shocked me because it actually seemed like she was interested me. I figured maybe there’s a chance something might happen.

So just this Thursday, I texted her saying I’d be at the pub tomorrow night. She said sorry but she made other plans. She suggested we get together during the week sometime. I said sure.

On Friday, I went to the pub anyway, not expecting to see her. But I walk in and there she was with her friend who we will call Lady Gaga (Lady Gaga’s another local at the pub–nice girl). But they both seemed a little less than happy. Something was bugging Gaga (she didn’t say what) and Gwyneth Paltrow (that’s the girl) had a cold. We played a game of pool together (we kicked ass), sat down around the table, had a drink (I don’t think Gwyn was drinking though), and then she left. I texted her and asked where she went. She said she “needed her time”.

So this morning I texted her, told her I was glad she came out. I told her I’d like to see her again. She was receptive and everything, but now she’s acting kind of stand-off-ish, like she’s no longer interested. When I asked her if she was still on for a couple drinks during the week, she said:

“I don’t really know, but I’ll give you a chance to get to know you better. Maybe we can go for a coffee and have a walk and talk. How 'bout that?” ← I’m paraphrasing so as not to post the exact text which I don’t think she’d appreciate.

What does “give you a chance” mean? (that part’s actually verbatim). To me it sounds like: I’m not interested but maybe you can convince me otherwise.

Before my ex and I met each other (we’re separated now), this was always the way it was with girls. They start off expressing some interest in me, but then I approach them, and they back off and start acting like they’re not interested at all.

I can’t tell the difference between being shy and being disgusted. Is this a game girls play? I hate playing games. Do they show interest just so they can play me for a fool? Like, watch, I’ll get this guy to approach me, then I’ll shoot him down, and we can all have a good laugh behind his back.

But anyway, at the end of the night, I had a chat with Gaga. She thought I was a good guy and that I would be good for Gwyn. She said not to stop trying. She said Gwyn was being stupid about this. I asked her to put in a good word for me, and she said she would.

Anyway, girls, what’s with the mixed messages?

She is unsure about you. Your not that exciting in her eyes, and she thinks she can do better, but isn’t fully convinced she can.

Your borderline friend, love interest. She doesn’t see much that convinces her. You should bring in a large portable CD player, and karaoke the song “I Had The Time Of My Life, And I Have Never Felt This Way Before”… and proceed to dance solo for her, in front of all her friends, and the bar, despite nobody dancing, and clearly not into the mood. Put some heart in it.

Yes Gib, it’s a game, and it’s your turn now to pretend that you are not too interested in her. She is not unsure of you, she’s too sure. And doesn’t want to be easy prey.
Maybe.
But don’t exaggerate, just enough to make her a bit insecure.
Good luck :sunglasses:

She is so sure about Gib she declines dates with him, and goes out on her own, and gives him a cold shoulder?

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ja ja ja ja ja ja!

Dat shit makes no sense. If it is indeed the case, then immediately drop all interest in her for being a crazy bitch. Sounds like a psycho… you will always be a crating your head trying to read her after a no reason fight… “Just what the fuck just happened, what do I do now?” sorta arguments.

Real men, we don’t do that shit after a certain age. So if what Leyla says is right, drop her ass hard if she suddenly shows interest. Or play equal mind games to counter hers, a example:

Tell her the uncertainty she gave you devastated you, and now your a firmly committed gay, shocking her… speak in a very high voice, really fast.

Then bring a woman on a date to that bar next weekend, and make out with her nearby, ignoring the German chick… then next time you are talking to this woman, reaffirm your gay and wave your hands around like a gay would, say shit like “fabulous” and if she asks about the girl she say you playing tonsil hockey with and feeling up, just say she is a friend, all gay guys have girl friends, and then as you walk away, smack a girl on the ass, talking deep calling her “Toots”.

Then… go the the Parent Teacher Association, and really make it stand out how committed you are for the education of the youth, and talk about all the time you spend helping your kids do their homework, work, and keep a job… and smile at all the women BUT her. Flirt with the woman there that looks most like her afterwards, then wave to the German chick with a faggoty hand wave and a over the top wink.

Don’t forget to spread rumors behind her back about what a bitch she is too. Only, of course, if Leyla is right.

She is sure of Gib because she knows that she doesn’t have to make any efforts to get him.
There is no challenge for her, no incentive to impress him, it’s too easy.

You don’t seem to know how to play the game, Turd, no wonder you are so frustrated.

I play constant hard to get. Like the Berlin Wall.

Gib, what are you after here? Do you wanna date this bitch or are you just trying to hit it?

Let’s see if the woman manages to make a beta cuckold provider and baby daddy for her 3 children, out of gib

42 and cute and socially awkward? ROFL.

gib is the little kid with the propeller cat here…

Couple of variables with this gib. By giving you a chance she is either…

[A] Being sincere about it where she really does like you.

[B] She’s stringing you along trying to get whatever she can from you enjoying the ride until she finds the next guy to latch onto.

Be on your guard and try to figure out which of those variables is unfolding in front of your eyes.

Arb, HaHa, why in your views is the woman in control?

Feminist environment enforced by the state, possessor of a vagina.

Not saying men can’t take charge of any given situation, just that it is more of an uphill battle now.

Cause gib has naive views of women, which opens him up for manipulation and exploitation.

A 42 year old woman with 3 kids that goes to pubs is supposed to be cute and innocent like a child? That’s either very good satire, or he is a fucking 40 year old moron who has no idea what women are.

Maybe Gib doesn’t want to fuck a innocent child, but a dirty old whore. Its his call as far as what he likes.

I’ll just put in a plug for focusing on what is going on in your mind much, much more than trying to figure out what is going on in her mind.
What are her actions leading you to think and feel?
Remind you of anything in the past?
What do you tell yourself while going through this relating with her?
What do you excuse?
What judgments about yourself and about women come up?
What ideas about how you must be and not be seem to be reinforced?
Stuff like that.

Turd, Mr. R, AoC, Joker, and Moreno:

Thanks ladies for your womanly advice! :smiley:

Leyla (if you really are a girl),

I don’t understand the game. I mean, I do understand it (sort of, kind of, not really), but I don’t play it. I couldn’t play it even if I wanted to. I wear my heart of my sleeve, I don’t lie or manipulate or pretend I’m someone I’m not. I can’t do that, I don’t have the ability.

I know I don’t know this girl very well, but she strikes me as the kind of person who wouldn’t know how to play the game, like me (which is why it would be so easy for me to fall for her).

BUT… I can totally see her getting advice from her friends on how to play the game (and her believing it).

I’ve seen girls play the game before. It’s the same old pattern. It would be more believable to me if this were just a female instinct than a deliberate game. You think that’s what it could be?

Propeller cat. :laughing: Meow!

Well, AoC, I will not deny this in the least. It’s one of the things I noticed about her that attracted her to me. I’m a little kid inside myself.

Well, I’ve been getting the same advice from my sisters: it’s game playing. ← This is not as plausible to me as instinct. I think there’s a female instinct to play hard to get.

Anyway, if it’s my move to play hard to get, then I just won’t call/text her. She said she wanted to go out for caffee, I hinted that this would be her move (she’d have to text me), so all I have to do is sit and wait. If she’s no good for me and I should just dump her ass, then not contacting her is the right move; if she’s playing hard to get, and not contacting her is the right move on my part to get her to show interest again, then again it’s the right move.

^^Pretty clear what I should do.

It’s all a patriarchal oppressive social construct anyway. In reality, gender and sex are very fluid. I can be man now, a woman the next minute.

Gib, you never ask women for advice on other women. That’s setting yourself up right there.

You’re welcome for the advice by the way.

Yes gib, listen to me instead.

gib, say this to her: “Daddy wants some pussy. Spread em, or fuck off”. Say it with a serious face and a commanding voice. She may fall for it. If she doesn’t, I take no responsibility for what follows.

Gib, the game isn’t hard to understand, you don’t have to pretend to be somebody who you are not, and it doesn’t have anything to do with female instinct. It’s not even really a game.
It’s about making yourself a bit rare in the sense of “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Maybe it’s enough to stop that texting for a while (you could “lose” your phone). The question is how much you put in, in which time? Maybe you were too enthusiastic and that makes her reserved.

Can they give birth?

Then no.

Unless your statement to Gig was to push beyond what he would traditionally consider a “female” in his dating pool. He may have to here soon, the way things are going for him. Just each night with his “girl” in bed, they will have to switch off on who is going to have the buttgina that night to be tapped.