this is a rant not a good movie critique.
i just watched a terrible movie. it’s a slasher, so it further develops my hatred for that horror genre. (cuz shallow + unnecessary gore). it had way too many overused tropes and basically queerbaited it’s way out of 1/10 stars on imdb.
furthermore, i’m not religious at all, but i’m sure if i was a christian i’d find the imagery and presentation at least slightly offensive.
there will be spoilers but it doesn’t matter you shouldn’t watch it anyways. and i want to say it’s super predictable but it’s not. they tried so hard to make it unpredictable it stopped making sense.
KILLER BODY COUNT (the unfortunate movie title)
so it starts off strong with two people having sex in a tent. the girl yaps or whatever and then her boyfriend gets fucking murdered. and she screams for some reason and runs away. and throughout the film, the men always get murdered first which is sad but also hilarious.
so it basically starts off in a church where this guy does this subtle yet suggestive gesture at his girlfriend. and then the main character (CAMI) flips him off. aggressive for no reason but she holds it for way way way too long and she gets caught and the whole church goes silent. what did you expect??? anyways she has to do chores around the church so she goes in this room and she and her bf make out ig and then get caught. then she gets sent to a christian camp things for promiscuous young adults by her dad.
at this point… no, from the very beginning, i knew this was going to be a shit movie. only shit movies start off with sex and getting murdered immediately after. also when cami was being told she was getting sent to the camp, she shed a singular, pathetic tear and i couldn’t tell you why. and for someone so emotional, she didn’t fucking flinch when her dad took his own life right in front of her. but we’ll get to that.
anyways, when she arrives, she meets the dream team 
eugene and tawny. they basically run the place and are such close siblings. they are so so close. too fucking close to each other. eugene is meant to be this kind, sweet guy but he’s just pathetic and dumb as shit and his sister is this wannabe psycho that is somehow more mentally ill than her brother. they show her round the place and take her phone and she’s sad because dead mom trope and all the photos of her mom are on her phone :(((
she screams in the bathroom.
she leaves.
she meets all the other whores (that is how they refer to themselves on more than one occasion).
tawny yells at them.
but this girl tells a creepy story about a killer on the loose that kills people when they have sex or whatever. oh no!
anyways, cami and lesbian (in this camp because of the homosexuality and is cami’s love interest i suppose) are like “wanna break some rules?” and like the epic rebels they are, they leave their dorm to try and get to eugene and tawny’s cabin so they can have their phones back ! but what they witness is horrific.
tawny is fornicating !! and it’s… her brother she’s having sex with her brother. the movie never really condemns this aside from “eww” and presenting it as a really funny thing. cami and lesbian make noise because they’re dumb as hell. (oops, language!) and tawny’s like “oh it’s just squirrels again.” cami and lesbian run away phoneless and scarred for life. on the way back they witness yet another sexual encounter! just out in the open! in the woods! at like 1 am!
and i’m pretty sure i was no more than 30 minutes into the movie and i already had to sit through 8 people having sexual intercourse for fucks sake.
cami watches because the guy is so hottttt (cami is perverted throughout this film)… and lesbian runs away. the girl gets pissed cause she didn’t orgasm and he did :((( and she leaves. the guy just stands there naked for a while. and then a guy in a mask in a robe walks towards him and the naked guy is like “chris what are you doing rofl haha wait what the–” he gets fucking sliced in half and like vertically as well and i see his guts just spill out. but i was honestly more disgusted by the fact cami screams her fucking head off. then gets chased down and survives because of plot armour.
anyways a guy is dead and cami is the only one that knows the truth about his demise… for now…
the next day, lesbian tells cami about trying to escape with some other guys blah blah blah. they get caught in a storehouse and yap and tawny catches them. and tawny’s like “were you… planning on having s-s-sex???” and cami’s like yeah and takes the fall and gets in sewious twoble… everyone else has to clean the church i guess. why she did that? no clue. she’s not even a good person. it doesn’t make any sense why she cares so much about these people she met 17 hours ago.
the guys and lesbian are talking about what happened while they clean and they’re done so they leave. this one guy decides to stay behind though. when everyone leaves, he gets a magazine with explicit material masturbates. and for some reason they thought it was okay to show me a guy with a handful of semen wiping his hand off with the curtains. he gets murdered by the masked killer and you know what good fucking riddance.
then some other guy dies because he had sex with a girl. and the girl walks off scot free and the guy… lets just say, he didn’t make it out alive.
and the thing that annoys me is the fact that the initial theory was if you orgasm, you get killed. which aside from eugene and tawny, made sense. the guy in the very beginning orgasmed and got killed and such was the case in the second fatality. but in the case i just spoke about, the girl orgasmed, not the guy. yet she walks off with 0 consequences and the guy is brutally assassinated? to be fair, maybe he got off from the smell of her underwear because people in this show finish in about 10 seconds flat, but either way the fact that same girl made it to the end of the movie is shocking. actually, considering everyone there had a combined total iq of about 18 and the survival instincts of wet fucking socks, i’m surprised they lasted more than 10 minutes.
anyways cami and some other guy try getting their phones again after speculating who the killer could be with everyone else. cami and other guy get to eugene and tawny’s cabin there and wait i have a picture of this scene
you see that black hanging… is that a bear taxidermy?? anyways, behind the bear is cami and other guy. they’re hiding because the dream team 
came (pun absolutely intended) in. then they have sex against the taxidermy and tawny starts quoting a fucking bible verse about your sister becoming your wife. i felt physical pain watching that scene. and maybe it wasn’t a bible verse but it sounded biblical so idk.
just plain gross.
and then when they leave, some goofy fucking music starts playing and cami and other guy are like “omg ewww..” anyways, when they find their phones, they’re burned. yup they put it in a furnace and the phones have melted. then cami has a breakdown because her dead mom… 
then it’s evening and tawny decides to make dinner! no one eats it except for a suicidal dumbass who chokes and loses her tongue and dies. tawny had no fucking reason to try and poison every person on the table. none. it’s genuinely insane. everything from here on makes 0 sense.
anyways, cami gets in a fight with tawny and two other girls start beating up eugene. he’s annoying but the cuck is NOT the enemy right now. cami is actively being choked and you start squaring up with the least threatening person in the room. anyways, cami knocks tawny out and eugene is also neutralised so they leave. anyways, they try escaping but then the killer just starts an insane killing streak.
cami and lesbian flee and get to the storehouse. they’re panicking, crying, shitting themselves but all of a sudden they’re horny !!! because when a serial killer is actively hunting for you, the only appropriate course of action is sex! they do that. then lesbian is murdered. and cami falls into some trap door. looks around and irrelevant sad stuff happens. but then she finds a lever that opens the gate to leave! and for some reason the trap door is open now!
she runs off and then there’s a bunch of people with the same mask as the killer. it’s almost like a cult. anyways, her dad is there and he slaps her across the fucking face so that we think there is a plot twist that he’s evil and turned on his daughter but no. and the big dog (the killer) is like, “kill your daughter.” i was so annoyed because cami was on the floor. insanely vulnerable. but no. you just give it up. such blatant plot armour god.
the dumbass dad doesn’t even finish the job though. he just kills himself right in front of her. and this is cami’s exact reaction.
terrible acting skills.
also the dad is so pathetic like at least take the fucking killer with you like there was no reason to kill yourself oh my god WHO WROTE THIS???
the killer kills tawny though because of the incest with eugene.
anyways awesome fight scene with the killer. and then lesbian comes out of nowhere and kills him. lesbian should be dead. the killer stabbed the shit out of her no way she survived that AHHHHHHHH. anyways cami, lesbian, other girl and eugene are leaving when they hear a scream.
do you remember the girl in the verrrryyyy beginning? yeah she is about to be killed by another masked individual but then cami’s like “hey… stop that.” and the killer’s like “who the fuck are you?”
and from that entire movie, the only line i remember verbatim
“we’re the whores of babylon” 
then they charge for the dude.
the writers were high as balls and having a fucking laugh when they wrote this shit. in the last 15 mins or so, i was just laughing my ass off. it’s genuinely insane. most of it made no sense and was genuinely just an insult to the viewer’s intellect. 0 depth.
also when eugene’s sister tawny died, he was so sad. like sure ok trauma bond or whatever, but the movie gave us 0 background for that and tawny is evil as hell. the time they used for sex scenes and useless bullshit they could have used to develop the characters. sure, there was like a little expose thing eugene did but that was like a distraction thing cami used to get his keys off of him.
also everything was so incredibly rushed. 0.3/10 stars. it made me laugh due to the immense pain.
anyways. if you wanna watch a movie you can laugh at and not with watch it. otherwise stay far away. have a lovely day.