I have this urge to prove everybody who ever doubted me or rejected me, wrong. Heard something that people, like CEOs, have this same drive, that even when they make it, they keep going, can’t stop. Because even after the praise, the memories of all the fuckers still haunt the insecure part of them.
Yeah, yeah, just like everybody else, but, no, I’m special.
The worst part about it is actually thinking I’m capable of achieving this. Most people entertain the thought, but it dies with the scratch ticket shaving being brushed away. My craving return as some high calling. How dare I shun it?
These, and other delusions of granduer. Did I mention that I portray myself as humble. The FBI would have a field day with that. Because they are on to me. I’m just that special.
I’m just the opposite – when someone has an opinion about what kind of person I am that is strong enough to make me consider it, I don’t want to prove them wrong, I want to prove them right.
This is interesting, since I believe that even on a long enough timeline the most famous will be forgotten. The way of the universe is to negate all identity.
That so, I envy you. JD Salinger wrote a book where a character wanted to have the courage to be a nobody. I totally want that to be my example, except I know the author to be an ego monster.
The problem is the fact that I think I can do something big. Even when I think the worst of myself, I say, well, at least I can still do something big.
