(unnecessary crass and sarcastic comment duly noted)
Tis’ the lady’s thread, it would appear she can do whatever is best suited to her desire.
Crass? Sarcastic? You challenge me, I rise and you insult me? tsk tsk.
A
Not the point of the thread, and not correct and not important. Continue please.
Where is the error of my assertions?
I don’t see any error my dear, I only see your experience. I am still very much thinking things through.
A
No, this is how relationships fail.
It’s not about self-knowledge, although that’s a huge part, rather it’s about developing sympathy for the other by working to understanding them.
If you had a nice parent(s) then it was likely the case that, say mom, was able to understand what you wanted, when you wanted it, and even what you needed when you didn’t even know you needed it. A good mom is like a god. That’s because she’s sympathetic and is thinking like you, about you, and for you.
Mom gives up her “self” to make sure that you survive and feel cared for. That’s what’s needed and it has to oscillate in adult relationships.
Trust me; I’m smart.
While thinking things through, please address this as well. Mastriani is not devaluating the worth of relationships. I just do not have personal experience that one person is always the answer. I have seen, even within my own family, that the best thing for the individuals has been to address the relationship honestly, and at times brutally so, to assess what is the best course.
More often than not, individuals have found new partners for a new stage of life, and found themselves to be more productive and happy within the relationship, especially as concerns mutual goals.
Keep doing so, and as the idealist you are. Be nothing less than this.
Now that I think about it liquidangel, don’t listen to what I said, at all.
This is a personal choice matter, so to you yours, and to me mine.
Outside of that, everything else is just useless banter.
William Blake wrote,
Somebody else wrote,
The fundamental purpose of all relationship is to beget. The relationship of you with your book, your dog, and your lover. Whether it is the personality or physique of your lover. Why would anyone want to beget from someone who has what he already has?
Price must be paid for exchange. A basic supply and demand analysis would show that the price tends to increase as the inequality between supply and demand widens.
If Goethe was to marry his mistress, then the marriage most likely would not last because what she could supply into the relationship was so little in comparison with what Goethe would demand. This constitutes a market shattering price. Goethe was wise enough not to make a start, as many philosophers and artists hitherto have done.
Fritz wrote,
While enjoying this illusion, one must not be illusive, in other words, one must love as if practising the arts and still making sure that one gets paid for doing so. In love, one needs to make sure that the lover would supply what he desires, also, that her supply should increase in speed that matches up to his increase in demand. The equilibrium price, as the stability of the relationship, must be thus maintained on a constant basis. A lasting imbalance in the equilibrium would rock the boat. I am of course assuming perfect competition of the market while assuming the monopoly of the relationship.
All other ways of keeping the relationship going are decadent, because they avoid the essential task of mutual existential cultivation, or comparable growth as Jerry wrote, instead, they concentrate on practising the romanticist illusion as an artform. Adjusting or compensating existential losses in a relatoinship psychologically, as Old_Gobo pointed out, is a pointless waiste of life, hence also decadent. No love based on sympathy is joybound, but most likely sentimental. Being sympathetic to your patner is not an end in itself, but merely the initial means to the end of begetting from her, after employing the intermediate means of controlling, leading and cultivating her so that she would eventually give birth to the fruits of your dreams.
Insofar as love is a battlefield, as a part of the grand conflict of power for all things, there are winners and losers and the situation shifts. Therefore one must be prepared to sacrifise oneself for the cultivation of love. This presents a danger, which is omnipresent in power conflicts, for lovers, many of whom make the wrong sacrifises which are of degenerative effect, also eo ipso, are of detrimental effect on the relationship in the long run.
A PoR original!
Ok Ad, gimme your thoughts on this:
Do you think there is any relation between knowing yourself and the ability to have empathy for another person? I can be aloof sometimes in real life… I’m interested in my own head, but by listening to myself I find that I am better able to relate to what I think other people are feeling. I might disregard something that someone says… but by the same token I know I’m likely pissing them off I just don’t care.
Perhaps I am just an empathatic person, but it seems that there would be a correlation. For instance to know yourself is basically to know your neural pathways; your tendancies, your emotional limits, your interests, etc. By listening to the workings of a type of a… I dare say slightly standardized ‘rules of the road’ when it comes to your own psychology as, for the most part we are all human, only too human.
Good God, we’re not thinking of doing away with the useless banter are we?!?
What will be left???
Old_Gobbo,
I would say that knowing yourself is a huge part of being able to understand others.
For instance, one can say to themselves that “I” know why I do such and such, so maybe my friend does it for the same reason. Then you can ask your friend if that is why he does what he does does. Either he will say yes or no. If it’s no then maybe he will explain. If he doesn’t what to, then you can know that the issue is too much for him to explain, and you’ve learned that.
If the situation is obvious and you understand how the other feels, because you have played out in your mind how it would make you feel, then you may not even have to ask the person about it.
So, the ability to role play the situations out in your mind is very important. Since we are all very much alike in a lot of ways the ability to understand yourself and how you do, or would respond, is to know a little about everyone.
When we don’t have this ability, aren’t motivated to, or stop using it, then that’s when the relationship ends, at least on our side.
Love is not a treasure hidden away in a dark cave,
To be found by patient searching,
Or stumbled upon by accident.
Love floats in the air
Like the molecules of oxygen
Hungrily consumed by our bodies,
To be inhaled into our hearts
And manifest in the eyes and ears
Of those we see around us.
See not the body, this outer shell,
But know the one within.
For here is your soulmate.
The one you seek.
Found in every one you meet,
No matter who they are,
Or what they know,
Or how they understand it.
Love is within your grasp.
Reach out and take it.
For as you give it, it is returned.
Say the magic words
I love you
And it will appear.
To stay? It doesn’t matter.
Enjoy the gift and treasure it.
For if it goes away,
Another will appear to fill the void.
Just say the magic words.
by Ivey Brown
A relationship is a connection of reciprocity - it is an admission of weakness and an inability to self-sustain – it is the mutual feeding of the hungry upon each other – it is life consuming itself.
Relationship is an association of need, as one agrees to provide to the other what it needs if the other agrees to return in kind or in equal quality.
If the association is based on unequal reciprocity, the relationship is said to be dominant or manipulative or unjust or imbalanced or ill or disharmonious or one where one is taken advantage of.
If it is based on equal reciprocity, the relationship is said to balanced, healthy, just, harmonious, mutually advantageous, honest.
Of course the “equality†or “inequality†of the reciprocity is a product of each participants awareness and of their values, since one can receive the same thing as another yet value it less or more and so feel fulfilled or unfulfilled by it, in turn.
Relationship is how one escapes himself through another and attempts to become more than what one is or complete or substantial through the union or through the synergy of the union.
Relationship is a dependence on something other than; on that which is perceived to not be self - it is the fleeing of the one within a multiplicity, it is becoming lost in the other.
Relationship is a systemic harmonization, as the parts become integrated within the whole through their connections with other parts.
Relationship is a word denoting an integration of sorts, as one makes concessions and compromises in order to be assimilated within a new union – within which the self is diminished by losing its independence (freedom), yet enhanced through association and through the avoidance of the terror and responsibility of freedom.
Relationship is an acknowledgment that one is weaker than that within which it exists and an attempt to regain power through the surrender to it.
[quote=“Satyr”
A good relationship takes strength of character, giving of yourself when you don’t feel like it. A relationship isn’t about feeding your hunger, but sustaining yourself by feeding another which, ultimately is the only true fulfillment.
No relationship is “equal” at any given time. It is a balance of inequality and many times one person has to give far beyond the other to survive. Humans are not machines. We ebb, we flow, and sometimes we become drained and empty. A good relationship requires two people who can not only see the inequality but balance the other by being stong and adjust to it accordingly.
I repeat: one person in a relationship may be unable to give for long periods of time. Most/many relationships are 90/10 at any given time - one picks up the slack when the other can’t. 50/50 balance is a fairy tale.
You can never escape your true self nor should you. A good relationship does not make you “complete” and only survives if you are being your authentic self. Only then can you bring enough to the table to even consider a relationship. We practice these relationships from early on as children and over time learn what works for us and what doesn’t. If you are lucky, you can find someone to grow together appreciate the differences and not expect unrealistic similarities to bond you.
No it isn’t. Good relationships thrive on independent individuals who share a common goal. Whether it be children, friendship, companionship, hot sex, or caregiving. Whatever their bond entails is enhanced by their independence not “dependence.” The latter is a recipe for disaster.
Good god Satyr. This attitude could make anyone want to lose that lovin’ feeling and get the annulment before the reception. A good relationship is one that enhances your own essence not diminish it. Relationhsips don’t necessarily make you less independent if you are doing it right. Sharing doesn’t mean loss of freedom. Sharing is just that - sharing.
I see a power play in your attitude about relationships that I have never experienced. Weaker? Stronger? Surrendering your power? Maybe in eighth grade, but most decent adult relationships are not built on power play and submission. Unless, of course, you are referring to dominatrix sexplay or one of sheer and utter abuse.
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I,ve enjoyed reading this, good thread
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Any thoughts Disciple of light?
A
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Not really , think everyones covered a lot of interesting stuff about relationships already , besides you would,nt want to listen to my opinions on relationships , Im irresponsible
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"cause the best looking boys are takin, and the best looking girls are staying inside , so judy where does that leave you?, walking the streets from morning till night, with the star up on your shoulder lighting up the path that you walk—bell and sebastian. egoless people can find true love. the problem is; alot of the real girls are geting an actor instead of a lover.