one leg is the both the same.
how do you get a clown out of a swing?
with an axe.
holy crap thats funny, im in class and my teacher isnt happy that my laughter is repeatedly interupting him as i repeatedly picture someone crazy running at the clown with an axe. wow thats funny. someone say something else funny.
Why did the girl fall out of the swing?
Because she didn’t have any arms…
Why’d the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why’d the monkey get hit by a truck?
Because the branch it was on was directly over the interstate.
why did the chicken cross the road?
i threw it
knock knock
whos there
nobody
the deadpan stare and a few seconds of silence are essential. this is a whole new category of jokes and it didnt take me very long to come up with those two new examples based on classics. is the pattern clear? its like a a very obvious statement when an obvious statement is not what is expected (and of course, surprise is the foundation of all humor). if we couple the obvious statement with a funny visualization, one that conflicts with the visual in the first half of the joke, thats the best of all, like the clown and the ax or the dead monkey.
cmon everyone, make your own jokes, i just made those last two.
i want one defined by the same pattern as “whats the difference between a duck”
Dude, I told that joke to Xanderman like two years ago…
And he said it had already been told in Colorado…and if its been told way the fuck out there…then the rest of the world has surely heard it by now.
Get with the program son.
Alright look…
A monkey and a black man are sitting in a tree together…
What do you call the black man?
The Branch Manager
detrop, you telling that joke two years ago is the whole reason i just made this thread!
what do you throw to a drowning black man?
his family. a cinder block.
no wait, i want those other kind of jokes that are so unusal.
what happens when you walk there?
you already stepped in it!
i want the kind of ‘jokes’ that make the listener think to themselves: “walk where?! what the hell is going on, who are you?” etc
These jokes are usually funny but then I don’t think it’s so much that as it is sheer awkwardness. (and on a side note, i love how awkward it is to say awkward. it never flows with a sentence, it’s perfect!)
But these jokes are definitely the best kind (well maybe not the racist ones.)
Why did the toddler drop his lollipop?
He was hit by a bus.
Yeah, we first heard the duck joke back in middle school here in Colorado, so that would be approximately 12 years ago. Although the original incarnation I heard was:
What’s the difference between a duck?
One leg is both shorter.
We also had the clown/swing joke.
There was also:
What did the apple say to the orange?
F*** you.
And the dialogue:
Person A: Ask me if I’m a tree.
Person B: Are you a tree?
Person A: No.
Future Man, I want to ask you something and I want you to be feel comfortable around me and answer honestly. Don’t feel ashamed or weird if you do.
Do you snort a little sometimes when you laugh? You know, like after you tell your brainiac friends a joke and everybody is like “heheh…[snort]…hehe…[snort].”
Its okay if you do man. I’ve done it once or twice.
The Future Men-
True dark humor happened yesterday. Two of our large female dogs were pregnant. One went to the hospital to be spayed and have the pups removed. The other has to wait to be spayed her pups arrived early. The pups were C-sectioned, 9 of them. By the next day , yesterday, only 3 survived. We told the attendants we wanted to bury the pups on family land. So they put the little bodies all wrapped up inside a box.
When we were getting ready to bury the pups. My son started laughing and declared " That is just sick, damn funny but, sick" I looked at him he pointed to the box with the dead puppies,specifically the side facing him. I turned the box around and read.
Large Breed Puppy
Best if used by 08/2007
Science Diet for Dogs.
Well I hope you know I was teasing, FM. You haven’t replied so I assume you think I was being offensive. No sir…you are in my handful of favorites here at ILP.
I call you the Truthocutioner.