When to step off...

I know this is different for guys, but because of our hormonal obligation to live up to the stereotype, females face alot of problems…such as this scenario:

You have a great friend, then he/she tells you that they like the person that you’ve been secretly eyeing for the past two months.

When do you feel it’s appopriate to step out of the way in order to make your friend happier?

Is it wrong to be selfish in this case?

hurry up and give me your honest opinions, my clock is ticking away… :blush:

this is why you should always tell your friends who you fancy, thus reducing such problems. also, it depends how much you like them: if you just think they’re fit, then don’t bother fighting about it, but if you’re pretty much obsessed, then she should ‘step down’, and vice versa.

it’s different if your a boy, the girl will just crush you either way.

It’s quite the contrary, she probably likes him alot but i don’t think that he likes her in that way. She said she loves him (kids nowadays, I tell you… :astonished: ) I don’t ‘love’ him so much, but I am happy to be around him etc…

If I had told her first, I’m sure she would pretend to understand and hate me secretly, and If I back off now, I am putting my happiness aside and at the same time, she’s still hating me. :frowning:

which one should be more important, friendship or happiness??

Well, that’s an interesting point then. Can friendship in itself be construed as a means to happiness and nothing more? Or is there some other justification for it?

It’s a fairly ugly situation - you have to make a choice between the loyalty you have towards your friend and the loyalty you owe to your own emotional well-being. I don’t think choosing your own happiness here would necessarily be hedonistic or self-indulgent, because I’m honestly not sure whether this friend has the right to the guy you’re talking about. If she begins to hate you, or undermine the friendship because you are in the position to attract this male ahead of her, then I’m not sure that that’s much of a basis for a friendship.

And especially if he doesn’t like her, then I fail to see the point in abandoning him and playing with his emotions just to appease your friend. It seems like it’s a lose/lose situation from her perspective, and it seems to me like she’s making some unreasonable demands.

Just my opinion though.

if she’s already pissed off with you, what do you have to lose?

but seriously, friends are more important (in my opinion), and if this is really going to stop you two being friends, then it’s not worth it.

I think that given the circumstances, she cannot tell the friend what she is going through with this guy because even though we may think that if she is a true friend then she’ll be happy for her and all… She is really infatuated (maybe), she’s gonna be irrational and make decisions hastily. Her feelings will sooner or later fade anyway because though this a generalisation i think we’re all to young for ‘marriage’. It seems as if the guy is not interested in her, he’s interested in Natz. The only way these three people will be happy is to just chill out and see where the story goes.
I don’t really listen to rap but DMX says:
“If you love something, let it go. It will come back to you if it is yours”

Normally I would say friendship is more important than romance (at our age) because the former is more valuable and lasts longer. But in this case it seems like your better bet is to go for the guy. Your friend will eventually get over it if she values your happinness at all and if he makes it clear to her first that he doesn’t want her. I reckon you should be manipulative here actually. Get her to ask him out…he’ll say no…console her…tell her you fancy him too…ask her if she minds if you ask him out…eventually she’ll say ‘no it’s alright, go for it’…then go out with him. You’ll keep your friend and get the guy.

If you do this and it falls through it’s not my fault.

i must say, i do kind of agree with al. i had a similar thing a few years back (yes, we all know the story :slight_smile: ) but my friend knew i liked him. however, the fact was that he liked her and i wasn’t really making my move, and they ended up together for some time. as it happened, i got to know him better than i would have otherwise, but just as a friend. they were well suited, and i discovered that he and i wouldn’t have been.

my advice is that, if it is just ‘‘infatuation’’ on either part, you tell your friend and decide what to do together. however, if you think she actually knows him better than you do and has stronger feelings, i’d try not to let it bother you. still tell her if you want, but let her know you don’t mind them getting together and giving it a go. the chances are that a few years down the line you’ll still be as close to her, and you’ll be able to joke about the whole situation :smiley:

Alex… wow. so realistic. :laughing: It seems hypocritical but that sense you are putting both your happiness and friendship first.

I’ve decided that there’s much depth in the DMX quote. :sunglasses: