When I was an atheist, I still asked “Why is there something rather than nothing?“ It bothered me.
I wasn’t retarded, I was brainwashed. It’s like you’re in a bizarro world where you know you had biological parents, but you think they hated you or were unable to be proper parents, so you were raised by other people. But you didn’t realize they had a reason they weren’t stepping in to the situation (they never actually left)… kind of like in “sleeping beauty” or the Terminator movie. …and then they do (and you realize they were always there—and it blows your brain up how dramatically and drastically you have to reshape your entire web of belief about everything).
The reason I stepped in to answer a question that wasn’t directed at me, is because you are exhibiting predatory behavior rather than finding meaning in its source. That’s ultimately going to self-destruct.
Do you want someone to step in, or do you want someone to let you self-destruct? … or are you not the only person that matters in this scenario? Not that you don’t personally matter.