Why do we fear our own feelings?

I myself do not fear my own feeling that I know of. But if I really take the time to think I’m sure there would be many of ocassions where I did. SO therefore by saying that I don’t know of any that ouwld be a lie. Becuase I just said that I was sure of a time that i have feared my own feelings. Well anyways, if one is true to themselves do they still fear their own feelings? I think that everybody is too concerned with what other people think of what one feels, thinks, ect. I don’t blame them either. I guess I have no real question but I thought if I rambled on a lilttle I could start a nice topic to discuss. I’m outy!

I don’t fear my feelings, exactly… but I do fear what other people will think of my actions from those feelings. Afraid of being mocked, laughed at, or cast out of the group for my emotional actions. Many people think I am very crafty and perform my actions with precise detail… sometimes… But not most of the time. Most of the time I am reacting and processing very strong and powerful emotions. But when I do hold back on those actions, I feel left out and detatched. And sometimes when I do not hold those actions back, I become the fool, the butt of many, many jokes. And I wonder if I should have held them back completely…

For the question at hand however… Yes, I am afraid to express my emotions sometimes. But society is tightly bound by “social norms” which contrict the actions one can perform “normally.” Such as in Japan, kissing in public is not a normal thing for the Japanese. They believe that is an action that belongs in the bedroom. And in France, a polite greeting between men is kissing each others cheeks. (mary ann, correct me if I am wrong) But here, it would be a very interesting sight. Well… that is changing slowly… And I’m glad, 'cause prejudice is an ugly, ugly thing indeed. The social norm in Ancient Sparta was cruel and murderous behavior towards children with defects, infants, and children. But this was their custom, slowly training them into warriors. And not at all strange to them. shrugs

I wish that we could express our emotions (peacefully and constructively) more in this society of commercialism and greed. All I can do, however, is too open my feelings to those around me more and hope they too understand what I feel, and how deeply I feel those emotions.

Maybe if we all join in…we can change the world…or not… :stuck_out_tongue: oh well.
ya’ll have a nice day now…and share your feelings with a loved one… :wink: :smiley:

I guess where the feeling is of fear, it’s only natural to fear it so it can disappear, but when it’s a feeling of love, then fearing it a bit is a safety mechanism I think to keep us in control of our loving feelings and not go overboard and mess things up as in the case of romantic love.

I fear evil feelings and i fight them. Cause they bring suffering to me and others.

If i feel angry at someone, I do not say it. It leads to suffering for me and the person I say it do.

I think most of the time we do not so much fear our feelings as we do the consequences thereof. Like getting shot down - or just plain shot, for that matter. In looking back at my own experiences, I find that above all else, I don’t so much fear the emotion as I do that element of the unknown. You can (almost always) know how you feel about a subject, but you can only predict how your actions upon those feelings will turn out. As such, I am a highly reserved person and keep even some of those I call my friends at arm’s length.

Fear, it seems to me, is a survival instinct. If we fear our emotions and their potential outcome(s), there is usually a reason. For example, if you’re having second thoughts about your hot date with a guy you met, say, buying unusual amounts of rope, trash bags, and duct tape, there is probably a voice in the back of your mind saying it doesn’t want to spend Saturday night getting to know the upholstery in the trunk of his car.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist. :wink:

But seriously, fear can be a good thing - in healthy doses.

I think that people fear their feelings sometimes because knowing the feeling exsists opens up why you feel what you are feeling, and this opens up your soul. If you don’t like what you feel, then you know you will not like the reason you are feeling it, so you know that this is a flaw in your character. This causes uneasiness. People just don’t want to admit they have a problem.

I think we fear our emotions because we either want to be gods or things

By God I am saying that we have no emotions we seek power and respect and impose our idealistic views on others to follow. We must banish emotions because we cant face the fact that were wrong, weak, and alone. So we must be right and emotionless
Religious leaders, president, general, parents, dictators ect. With the exception to Society

By Things, it is a person who cant accept his or hers own actions so we look for a god to tell us what to do. A god is never wrong so we shut down our emotions because if they were to come out it would mean to rebel and take responsibility.
Slaves, abused victims, conformist, children in a broken home, ect.

Have you ever seen a New York City subway rider, there faces are neutral. They walk around like ants and whoever is in charge must be laughing at there stupidity. You should see NYC nobody smiles in public

I’d like to pick up the points made by Spirit and Guest.

So, we fear our feelings because we want to be something that we are not, and because we don’t want to face up to what failings we might have.

This is interesting stuff, and the everyday business of psychotherapy. I have some experience of the process, from watching members of my family, and from my own sufferings.

First, I don’t think that we are born like this. At some point in childhood, some unlucky children learn that in order to survive the particular people around them, they have to hide their feelings, to suppress their natural responses. This is the beginning of a lifelong suppression that analysts try to unravel in later years. My own view is that all sorts of unhappy behaviour comes out of this suppression.

Second, I think that the person who has not been able to relate naturally in childhood has to build up defenses, and this usually includes a false image of themselves in which they try not to include the experiences of whatever put downs and rubbish they have had dealt to them. This is a flimsy defense, for whenever something happens to remind them that they are not the self image they have constructed, they suffer feelings of inadequacy running all the way back to the painful childhood experiences. The feelings remind them that they are not the person they want to be, but the ‘crap’ person they really believe that they are. Most of us have been around people who are so defensive they can’t take any criticism at all. This is one of the signs of the inner suffering these unfortunates have to live with: the pain of low self-esteem.

In the scenario of persistent suppression of feelings combined with a false sense of self there are endless opportunities for suffering, and this person will often do what they can to rid themselves of any feelings at all, for they think that feelings are their nemesis.

What the therapists call ‘The long walk back’ includes facing up to feelings of inadequacy, facing the fear, realising that we don’t have to be perfect all the time, that we are as we are - there is no need to create a flawless persona (which is impossible anyway).

Society doesn’t help, as social groupings tend to filter out what they see as tense or unhappy types, and welcome those people they think are ‘OK’. This is just an added burden for the person carrying the weight of a ‘false self’. They get to feel that they can never allow the true ‘crap’ self to be seen by others.

Emotional suppression and defensiveness lead to many ills and lifelong problems. If a person can acknowledge that they are in this position, that is a good start. Then it’s the ‘Long walk back’, facing the fears many times over, and hopefully losing them on the way. In the process we can find that we are just people, fallible like everyone else, and people who have learned something about life.

I’m not sure that we fear our own feelings, but we can fear our ability to control them. Without an understanding of true compassion we can thoughtlessly let our feelings loose on others in hurtful ways.

I do not fear my feelings. I have learned to trust them as genuine parts of my inner dialog. They help to guide me in acting out my life.

If I understand the question behind this thread correctly, the issue is not our feelings per se, but how we express/supress them, both internally and externally. It’s all about intent. Feelings expressed honestly without mean spirit have nothing to fear.

I am responsible for what I say and do. You are responsible for how you take it. It is the intent that is important. If my intent is to express my feelings without hurting others then it is possible to say (act) without fear. The fact that you may not like what I have said or agree with my statement is interesting, but your reaction is yours. In this way, my feelings and their expression are consonant.

I acknowledge that there are many pathological games that we play and others put upon us, but it is not a given that an individual cannot rise above them. The key is an open and honest appraisal of our motives. Armed with that knowledge we can act upon our feelings without fear.

Gee, I hope no one was offended by this. :laughing:

JT

[quote=“tentative”]

“I acknowledge that there are many pathological games that we play and others put upon us, but it is not a given that an individual cannot rise above them”.

Yes, that is what the therapists mean by the ‘long walk back’. That is the rising above.