Oh, and Cezar, you asked if I was living with my mother? Yes and no, she is my spiritual mother… I suppose its akin to that lady of the petite-nobility who adopted you as a pet and taught you the ways of your nobility. It was through her I gained a depth of understanding of the other ancient churches other than Roman Catholicism, and when my mother went insane and fled, she essentially took the emotional role of a mother I never really had, I was always more a councillor to my father, or a disposed father figure.
I live in the utter collapse of the end game of socialism. You never paused to question why a ‘Christian’ such as me, with all your ideological presuppositions, would be so brutally opposed to socialism, despite its seeming obvious gains to me.
My community was the most socialistic in my nation, we had the largest employee owned business in the US, a steel mill- straight up proletarian stuff, a integrated free medical system for the poor, etc… and when I was a teenager watched it all collapse from repeated labor strikes and shit rotten electorate system, and complete non-understanding of strategic elements on the part of the union in dealing with mergers and international competition. You may not like me, but you know what I am- a master of history and strategy, with emphasis on technical and administrative organization, a background in psychology and law. It’s obvious what my eventual place would of been… but the system became too rotten and collapsed before I was even a adult. It was growing me, and I came to fruition after its death… as a son of my society, how do you think that eats at me? To see younger sisters of kids I grew up with to be turned into malnourished whores, finding they are beaten or committed suicide? Not a few isolated cases, many. Or the joys of knowing the highest concentrations of Casinos in the nation per capita is in your town? We have a small population… even smaller after the demographics collapse.
There is next to no work here. Everytime I put my ruck on to leave, I get nothing but tears… fears of me being homeless. I was infantry, it’s not a issue, the lack of jobs is… I need to go to where they are. But if I stay, My teeth grind… I see nothing but decay, and the methods to solve this is cheap and stupid simple. Just I literally have zero dollars, the few handfuls I earn go to ebooks or dropped on a starving retarded family nearby who’s mother I used to tutor in business.
My return was precipated by two factors… Coming to a negative conclusion of my agriculture project in Hawaii- not for technical reasons but utter decadence and corruption from excessive bribing of local politicians to look away so NOTHING edible is ever farmed in Hawaii, and the discovery my younger brother fell into the drug culture and was jailed.
My goal was a very simple goal, get on the scene, inquire into the reasons he got involved, figure out the bahavior of the drug culture, and smash it.
It’s a very simple, stupid easy solution to boot, I only need a few specialized parts (but not in unrealistic, that I’ve already located online) to complete the mechanical portion, and contacts with the local sheriff’s department to have it mapped out and tactically implemented, targeting the locations of residential drug manufactures in real time, on a easy to prove scientifically determinable basis akin to fingerprint identification by reading the variation of the light spectrum. It will have very substantial global implications. It’s a few thousand dollars, and I’m seep rated from it by societal rot.
I’ve been translating old philosophy books from Hindi to English constructing the first ever theory of mind mapped on a neurological basis for pure mathematics so as to give a cognitive framework for these discoveries, so they may proceed faster… as well as beginning translation of a old Byzantine infantry-guerrilla warfare manual so the officers of my country can become more competent historically and tactically.
I’ve also been liberally dispersing knowledge of geology, showing people where to find molding clay and fossils, and have been active with my local museum, tracking down archeological sites. I occasionally get drafted into political nothingness, and find myself blank face in the city building or state capital, the offices of which always have mason magazines now… a sign if how far we’ve fallen intellectually.
I study law on the side, reasons ‘The Flexible Constitution’ which is a Wittgensteinian analysis of Original Intent. A lot of silly, backwards ultraliberal literature ends up here. Whatever dreams I’ve had of reading law for four years under a lawyer and then taking the bar is quickly fading… I know of no honest, respectable lawyers to ask, the only one I knew was 106 and died a year ago. I feel a great tradition of Appalachian Law has essentially died, there are no longer lawyers of faith and republican duty anymore. I only see disease and decay, crime and atheism.
It was my community that started the first Ranger regiment. We started a war that culminated into the French and Indian War… what you know as the Seven Years War. We built the first industrial complex west of the Appalachian Mountains, supplied the war materials to defeat the British Navy on the Great Lakes. George Washington himself was the first to record our towns location. We grew into the largest steel industry in the US. The Second World War was fought with materials we made. No other people proportionally has given more men to the military than us.
We followed the liberals every demand and assurance. We were industrial giants, and resultingly the biggest polluters. When I was a kid, I made a lot of money sweeping up rusted ash on the sidewalks. We went from one of the dirtiest to cleanest, the most capitalistic to socialist, segregated into intergrated… and those very same people buttfucked us royally in the time of our greatest need. We don’t own the mill, half of which is torn down, other half soon enough, we don’t have the capacity to even produce our own power, having to import it, the most liberal area near us, Chicago, has colonized us gang and drug wise, people are murdered and tape, poverty rampant… and then when Obama is elected, we are even called racist and not the 'kind of people who would vote for him" with exaggerated exclamation marks, implying backwards racism.
Had the system survived, I likely would if become its intellectual tip if its spear. It didn’t, it collapsed under its own self-deceit and political gambling, and strategic triage.
You can mock me for staying with a ‘parent’, but even in my most pathetic of states, I still do more and am worth more, even under a generalized Nietzschean conception of health, for my people, as well as countless others. I face the disgust of the ends to a history, a largely lost and decayed system. I struggle to comprehend how someone of my looks and intellect began his intellectual journey here… if I leave I am not the last, merely witness to the last. If I stay, perhaps the last merely staving off a total rout. I miss traveling. Running forums for intellectual debates, having a occasional student. Everything here has long ago given up or is too fried from drugs to notice. I live in the ruins if the final stage of socialism, and nothing can be more disastrous than it. I can comprehend the shock of say, Michael Moore to the systematic collapse of his similar town Flint Michigan, but he didn’t have to see the horrid end results of just what happens when his brand of socialism comes into play. I live in its ruins, a ruin which is spreading. It’s enevitable, as certain as the march of suicide liberalism and unrestrained socialism, we are heading to social and economic collapse and decay.
I am here to help the people I once knew to put a few things straight, get my relatives back on my feet, pay a emotional debt to my kin, before likely pushing on. I would prefer a flooded ditch as a home over this long term… the women don’t even look right.