I’m in love with a man I met in Alcoholics Anonymous. He’s been sober for 5 years, and I’ve been sober for a month.
This is where it gets nasty. My sponsor at one point in time, before I began seeing this man, is his ex-girlfriend of 3 years. They did crack together, ups and downs together. I started falling in love with this man because she, as my sponsor, could not and would not stop talking about him while we were working together. She was still in love with him! And I could feel myself slowly start to love him too as she went on and on about him. He’s 10 years older than me. I knew he was starting to like me before I even really admitted I liked him to and would accept the entire situation.
So now, because he hooked up with his ex-girlfriend against the rules of alcoholics anonymous, you aren’t supposed to date anyone in the program unless both people have at least a year of sobriety, he’s making me wait. It really hurts because we’ve shared these really intense moments together and now everything is just on hold. I don’t know where he is getting the strength to keep me away. I message him on facebook everyday, little messages. Is that corny and lame? They are pretty beautiful, heavy, spiritual messages.
I think about him endlessly, and it’s beginning to depress me. He won’t tell me when we’ll be together. I told him he has to fix things with his ex first, make sure she’s okay, before we can get married. He got angry at me for bringing her into it, but I kept telling him she’s a part of your life and always will be. It’s confusing. I’m having a hard time just letting things flow. I’m not sure what I’m writing this out for, I should just get a diary.
No offence, and I know taking advice from me is a long-shot, but stuff like alcoholics-anonymous are pretty intense events, as you say. Your heart/brain may well be mistaking the emotional intensity you feel, which is actually simply generated by the experiences you undergo in AA meetings, as being generated by this guy.
This is also incidently guys, why you should take girls to horror films. Makes their hearts beat faster in your presence, which their hindbrains misinterpret as being nothing to do with the film and everything to do with you instead. Instant heart-throb syndrome.
a new sponsor seems like a good idea, if you haven’t got one a new one already. a) because of the entanglement b) because if you are one month sober, why the hell is she talking so much about her love life and about some guy she is not with? To you that is. To her friends, fine.
alcohol is a short cut to fulfilling LONGING. Deep endless longing that it seems there is no way to fulfil. Now you don’t have alcohol and man you found the longing. That ain’t just about this other person. Which is not say, your love, and some future relationship with him are not great, spiritual, etc. Could be. But not having something can make it seem perfect.
Marriage plans seem a little hasty, also. Not together, haven’t really been together, your in this enormous transition time, and marriage is on the table?
Well, we are all weak, so that’s not a good reason to nail my lover to the wall. He’s not an asshole, he’s patient. He has a little girl and horror stories to tell when it comes to relationships. I understand where he’s coming form. It’s just hard to wait.
Thanks for the compliments, but I don’t need them … they swell my ego and make me think I’m greater than I am, which is not true at all
You are very complementary, so … there is a compliment for you, just one though
This is very true. I’ve drugged up my mind body and soul for years, and it’s typical that the second I stop numbing myself, I’m in love the next moment. I’m a natural lover! You’ve got me here … I’ve been seducing all the men and women in the meetings with my personality ever since I walked through the door. I have to work on my pride, envy, vainglory, and severe bouts of acedia. And that’s a good one, instant heart throb syndrome, hilarious
Brilliant advice. I have gotten a new sponsor in the meantime! I should have added that. The old sponsor dropped me as soon as she noticed his long, lost stares of wonder in my direction during meetings, and told on us both when she found us together at his house on Good Friday. What a horrible Easter it was. He ended up rejecting my marriage proposal, or, wanting to “postpone it” which makes sense, we barely know one another, but painful. I had to go to the hospital for 10 days because I became psychotic when he wouldn’t let me speak to him. He says we cannot speak for a about 6 months, I have to finish a treatment program in Toronto, do the steps, and get my life together. Which is already happening I’m off to treatment by the end of May, I’m doing my MA in Literary Studies in the fall, and I’m beginning to hate myself less and less each day. His love his restorative and cleansing. Purifying. So good what you said about him being a substitute for the longing words of wisdom. Have a great day.
Here comes love
it’s like honey
you can’t buy
it with money
you are not alone, anymore
you shook me to the core! <3 - New Order, Crystal
Lol, I don’t want to offend eru here, but it’s funny that the only advice a born-again christian would take is the one from the guy I’ve been calling a priest all along.
I like how you’re calling me eru, it’s affectionate. On all the social networking sites I use with this name, people start calling me eru when they warm up to me. Good things around the corner!
Well, if you are pleased with your ‘proof’…I’ll leave you to it. Impressive how your assertions are supported by your assertions.
edit: hey, I just realized that some of the stuff I said about you fits well with all the other stuff I said about you. I am following your lead using a coherence model of truth. Thanks, cool.
And you should note when she followed my advice…before she heard it. Man, have I got power.
So you think if you are on my ignore (foe) list, I can’t read your posts if I choose to. That’s well, not correct, and stuff. Though I did learn here I might be the focus of your attention even in threads I never would have expected to be. I’ll have to be more careful.
Perhaps you crave what his ex feels for him to claim as your own? You want what they had, but it doesn’t mean that the dynamics will be the same for you two as it was for him and her, but you never know…
You’re right, the dynamics will be better. I won’t explain why because I’m too insulted and shocked by how negative your contribution to this post is at the moment.
Blech.
I wasn’t going for ‘insulting’ but take it as you will… that is why I said ‘but you never know’ because life can be funny like that - I do have to agree with others who have said that the marriage idea is far too soon to be considering let alone do…
erutxet
He sounds like he is using you, keeping you on a string in case he needs you at some point.
Let your heart go elsewhere unless he ditches her ~ in fact tell him to, if he doesn’t then the former point applies.
Try not to be so obsessive ~ if I may.
Okay, this is the point where I just have to believe in our love because I’m in it and you’re not, you’ve only got my soiled interpretation of what’s going on.
I BELIEVE IN OUR LOVE
He told me to wait six months to a year. It’s not a matter of if he loves me or wants me in his life or not, it’s the fact that it hurts to wait for everything to come together. Cum together? Come together. He’s just very patient and chaste and wants the best for us. He’s got that tough love that I’ve always wanted in a man. He’s everything my father is not. Whew. Ha.
so … there is a compliment for you, just one though
I’m off to treatment by the end of May, I’m doing my MA in Literary Studies in the fall, and I’m beginning to hate myself less and less each day. His love his restorative and cleansing. Purifying. So good what you said about him being a substitute for the longing words of wisdom. Have a great day.
