You don’t have to give me the rundown, I know rhe thing that’s there and where it comes from and how it works and what it does and why.
I want to end it. I want to not be that.
In what way? Clue me in.
Iiiiiii kinda call bullshit on that one.
Sober / drunk
Honest / dishonest
Loyal / disloyal
Tender / brutal
Looks a bit binary to me.
Where is the mediochre?
Help me then.
I’m listening, even though possibly, after my little drama show, it sounds sarcastic.
Maybe you mean towards men I consider dangerous ar any given point in time for whatever reason.
In their case, I still do want to change. I don’t want to be a traumatic reaction mechanism. I want strength from kindness. I want ego and not subconscious.
I have a pathological fear of feeling weak that finds pathological expression.
I think I suffer from the same.
I feel less weak, less pain, after lashing out. I don’t like that. At all.
I want the long way, the slow way, the awake way. The real way.
Don’t be too afraid to lose your temper, is my advice. You can always bang a table or slam a door. It does help in not letting things build up too much.
Works for me most of the time anyway.
Fuck, yeah, maybe I need to shut the fuck up.
I didn’t lash out at girls. But I failed in gentleness. My view of the world was that it was a rough one and one too needed to be rough. I didn’t know why I felt that so I didn’t even notice thaht I did.
I think we have more in common than was first apparent.
Hahahahahaha you can always expect that when a pathological response (addiction) is shared. Those are highly specific, there is actually a wide range of them.
I feel like Ichthus has cursed me and I am afraid of that curse.
I numbed my pain with blind violence. I needed that pain, it was telling me something. My traumatized self thinks it’s still a helpless child and all means are to be resorted to.
I don’t know what I want. I am getting coffee.
I’m not sure that Ichthus does curses. Haven’t seen any evidence of it so far, anyway.
I don’t know. I can probably only make it worse from here.
I just meant I don’t want to be written off by Ichthus, because it would be a bad sign.
Nah. Go get your coffee.