Hahahaha what do you suggest? Just stay there and suffer like an idiot? Yearning for a girl I will never have?
Not I, Mistress Ophelia. I will exit stage left. And I will leave a note behind:
“You like sushi?”
I don’t think she’s in love, I didn’t say that. I think she doesn’t quite know what she feels, though she knows it’s warm and exciting, and decided it’s not worth to throw the dice. The woman that would is exactly the type I don’t want anymore.
I also know enough about people to know there are things behind those eyes I don’t know, things she’s keeping. I like that, also. One wants an equal, not property. Eyes that speak of full control, of power, and at the same time immense softness, sweetness to the core.
I mean fuck imagine. I never had a chance.
No I had a chance. But we’ll see if I’m good enough.
Thank you, by the way, for your comments. It may not seem that way, but they mean a lot to me.
Fuck, but you’re right, I’m overthinking it.
This job, if it exists (neighbourman wasn’t home by the time I passed out), which pays better but may not be as reliable for 40 hrs a week, may be just the thing I need. I have projects I want to work on, but I find myself without the time or energy. And my rent is disgustingly cheap.
Maybe I let the fated feeling, from landing the job so quickly, tie me too much.
Yeah, fuck it, I’m asking her out. Hahaha not today, she’s off today anyway. But when I get the job.
Don’t ask her out when you’re at work, though, either… That’s you still being the you you wouldn’t want her to date, since you wouldn’t want to date someone who would throw the dice, anymore. Your thinking is getting to a good place, but it’s a journey that takes consistent practice (for beings subject to time who haven’t been preprogrammed with that sort of genius).
Genuine love is an action of bravery that does not begin in reciprocation… but is such that it will eventually draw/fish it out.
No come on, give me a little credit. Though I did erase her number (I knew it would be too hard not to text something when my offendedness at a no after a yes hit, my hurt pride), so my plan was to catch her after work.
I don’t know why I’m defending myself. You’re right.
Spoke to neighbourman today. Said as far as he is concerned yes, but will confirm with owner.
Give your two week’s notice and do not ask her out until it is completed or she will potentially get fired. If you imagine yourself as her future man, be that man and protect her from getting fired.
No yeah, of course.
…or you could actually figure out what the policy is at work. Maybe you’ll just have to move to a different department? Does she know that?
…sorry if you already mentioned these details.
We don’t work in the same department anyways. It’s a small company, I’m in one of three shops, and everybody somewhat works in contact. She’s front desk and I’m a driver / warehouse. Tiny team, it’s like the same department.
Don’t know about transfers, feels fucking horrendous to go up to the manager and bring it all up, for a date I don’t even have. Also, I have seen the other locations. I think I’d rather get another job than go to one of those.
When I started, one of the contracts I signed was a no dating contract. One of us would have to go. Obviously it was always going to be me, but.
Maybe it’s more the principle, she doesn’t want to shit where she eats. Or maybe it was just a passing fancy and she’s over it.
That’s very Orwellian. If you work here you have to sign a contract where you agree not to be affected by human impulses?
I would have said fuck off to that one, mate.
I’m not over it. And when I said good morning good night the day after I had been ignoring her, it almost broke my heart what I heard there. Still possible it’s all in my mimd, of course. But I can’t do that. I’m just bowing out and making my stand, like was always the plan anyway. She’s under my skin and she’s not coming out any time soon.