Why is it illegal to pay someone to have sex with you, or to ask someone if you can pay them to have sex with them? We pay people to do all sorts of things, just about anything really. You can pay someone to do things they do not want to do and no one cares. A lot of employment and jobs could fall under that category.
Paying someone already skews their value-calculus a bit, making them more likely to do something they don’t want to do. But we are fine with that in any other context, so why not when it comes to sex and relationships? A person should be able to pay someone to date them, for example. “Hey I will pay you $500 a week to be my girlfriend/boyfriend” and there should be nothing wrong with that. It is a mutual transaction between two consenting adults. The fact that the money involved will skew some of the value-calculus of the one who is getting paid is a non-issue, because 1) we already accept this same principle in just about any other situation including the entire economy and world of working jobs, and 2) we still retain our free agency and personal responsibility for making decisions for ourselves, assuming we are adults.
There is an argument that if we allow people to pay for sex, it will adversely affect poor women because they will always know they can just go sell their bodies to make some money. But that is their choice, if they want to do that why should anyone stop them? Maybe that is what they really want to do, maybe that is what is really good for them at that point in their life, to make more money they need to survive or improve their situation. Or maybe they just like having sex and would like to get paid for it too.
In either case it’s none of our business. Two consenting adults should be able to decide on contractual sex or contractual relationships together, including when money is exchanged. Just in the same way that two adults can go on a date and the guy is expected to pay for the date, the girl is expected to give him sex later. That’s a simplification of course, but there is always some element of quid pro quo, contractual basis in the background of most situations like this.
The truth is that humans do things that they think will give them more value. We may date someone because we like them as a person, we enjoy being around them, or because we are lonely, or because we want to get laid. Adding “because we wanted to make some money” doesn’t add anything bad or fundamentally different to the equation. People will do what they want as they perceive it to add value to their lives. As long as this is freely transacted without compulsion, fraud or robbing someone of their free agency, then consenting adults should be left alone to do whatever it is they want to do and assuming they are not causing harm to anyone else.
Paying someone to do something they might not otherwise do cannot be necessarily construed as compulsion, because that is literally what working a job is. No one, and I mean no one would keep going to their employer and working their job if the employer stopped paying them. And it could be argued (not by me, but playing a bit of devil’s advocate here) that paying someone to give up 8 hours of their life every day, 5 days a week, to do something they otherwise wouldn’t do, is far more onerous and compulsively infringing on their life than paying someone to sleep with you for 1 hour and then they’re free to go about the rest of their day.
Does the prohibition against paying for sex benefit men or women? Who does it really empower? I am not sure. I think it might only empower a certain type of person, the ones who would never pay for sex or allow themselves to be paid for sex. People with strong moral convictions against it, or who just find it gross. But those people would probably not be paying for sex or being paid for sex anyway even if it were legalized. Then again, maybe some of them rely on the fact that it being illegal takes some of the pressure off, so they don’t need to make the choice.
Ah yes, that’s it. That is the group who it benefits: those with weaker free will, who think paying for sex is bad but know that, if it were an option, they might be tempted to do it themselves. By logical extension therefore, prohibition against paying for sex also benefits couples and relationships for whom one or both parties would probably be tempted to pay for sex or be paid for sex outside the bounds of their relationship, but since it is illegal the pressure of temptation is reduced sufficiently to make it a non-issue for their relationship.
I honestly think it should be considered normal to pay for sex. Think about this, people go to the bar and want to meet people to date or hook up with. Or they use Tinder or other apps. They expect one party will buy the drinks and food, that still happens. “Hey, having a nice night? Looks like your drink is almost gone, here let me buy you another one.” A nice gesture, perhaps? Or are they paying them to improve the odds of attracting more of their interest and attention? Of course that is what they are doing. Paying someone in favors or buying things for them is no different, fundamentally, than handing them some cash. It could be considered normal and a part of negotiation to offer an amount of cash for the relationship or the hook up, then a back and forth depending on how each person feels about the other’s physical attractiveness and any possible red flags or risk factors, until a price is reached that satisfies both parties. Or, if no price is satisfactory to either party they go their separate ways.
Eventually, if you date someone for a while and you both really like each other, you would naturally stop paying for their company. That would be a sign that a real romance has developed, real mutual respect and liking each other. That could be a memorable cute moment in a relationship, like “hey last night was really fun, aren’t you gonna give me my $50?” …“Well I thought I’d stop paying you, you know… I mean I really like you.” …“Aw, you’re so sweet (kiss) yes silly you don’t need to pay me. I really like you too.”
I suppose this sort of thing presupposes a higher level of maturity, emotional self-control and self-awareness than is probably the case for most people. Maybe that is why society simply avoids the whole issue and coddles the less mature, less self-aware, less emotionally in control of themselves by simply banning paying for sex to take the option (legally anyway) off the table.
Honestly if someone offered to pay me for sex I would be flattered. I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t be. The more attractive and desirable you are the more money people would pay to be with you. And as a free adult with your own responsibility and right to make decisions for yourself, you can always just say no. We should be teaching empowerment and greater self-responsibility and personal strength to people, not coddling their lacks thereof to make sure they never get into situations that might be difficult, uncomfortable or tempting for them.
