Just wondering if this really happens or if its only in the movies? Do u / have u hit on a girl at the supermarket or bookstore or cafe , etc.?
Being married, it is not something that I do now, but I absolutely have in the past.
In fact, the grocery store is probably one of the easiest places to make a pick-up, especially if you see a girl and kind of pre-plan how you are going to go about it. You see, it is a lot different than a bar because a girl goes into a bar pretty much expecting to be hit on, but in a grocery store, it comes off as more flattering because it is unexpected.
The only thing that makes a store a little more tricky is that you have to make sure to look at that left hand. I mean, you scan the scene at a bar and you pretty much know what girls are on the market and which ones are taken, in a grocery store it is a lot more random.
I do not recommend the grocery store approach to someone who has an aversion to dating women with kids because that category represents the majority of who you are going to come across doing a lot of shopping. I suppose avoiding a girl that has kids is not all that difficult if you pay pretty good attention to the items she is buying. For example, if you see a girl that has baby food or diapers, or even something like ice pops or Kool-Aid and you have no interest in women with kids, you want to avoid her.
Anyway, I have operated with the grocery store approach (And have also been approached in a grocery store) with some measure of success.
SIDE NOTE: A good gauge of availability can also be what is in the cart. The best things to look for are frozen dinners/pizzas and non-perishables. The higher the proportion of these item types a woman has, the greater the chance she is single, either that or not a very good cook.
EDIT (Another Side Note): It is also worth noting that you can gauge (roughly) a person’s economic health by the brands/items she is buying. If you see that every item is a generic, she is quite possibly eating on the state’s dime.
For a cafe, I think the same rules apply as they would at the bar (Mostly). The key difference is that the individual you are approaching is likely not consuming alcohol, so you’d better have a damn solid approach. In contrast, one aspect of a cafe that is helpful is that a higher proportion of people go alone, so you don’t have to worry about annoying friends, or having a solid wingman.
As with the grocery store, you have to pay attention if you want to determine who is available and who is off the market because the majority of cafe goers are not going there to pick anyone up. One should also keep in mind that the cafe is a good place to go if you are looking to get to know/meet girls and that your best case scenario is getting a phone number and going from there, if you are looking for one-night stands, stick to bars.
The approach is extremely important in a cafe, honesty that cannot be stressed enough. The reason that you have to be honest is because a cafe often draws a more intelligent (and less inebriated) crowd than a bar, so these girls will not be receptive to weak tactics. Do not attempt to start a conversation about a book a girl is reading or anything like that, she knows more about it than you do so you start off at a disadvantage. I have rarely ever attempted the cafe pick-up in my life, but in the rare instances that I made the attempt, I found commenting honestly about the cafe itself to be the best icebreaker. The only exception is if there is a TV on in the cafe and something interesting happens on the news, that might start a conversation, but I’d be hesitant.
The bookstore is a hit-on that I have never attempted and would advise strongly against. First of all, if you have any aversion to dating someone with kids, do not attempt the bookstore hit at all because short of her kids being with her, there are no obvious tells. The same can be said for relationship status, short of the significant other being with her (or her wearing a wedding ring) it is almost impossible to tell.
In addition to that, I am forced to assume that positive reception will be at all-time lows, unless it is in the cafe area of a bookstore. First of all, people generally go to a bookstore to read or purchase books and social interaction is the last thing on their minds. This is different than the case with a grocery store because at a grocery store the conversation can be a welcome break from the monotony of shopping. In a bookstore, however, a person generally goes in with something very close to a set objective (s) and would actually prefer not to be bothered.
The only situation where a bookstore hit might be warranted is perhaps if you are waiting in line at a book-signing, but even then, you had better be damned subtle about your intentions.
The only advantage to a bookstore hit is (obviously) a great increase in the ability to select a subject of conversation, just don’t talk like you know more than you actually do or you will be called on it in no time and not have a shot in hell (not that you had a great shot anyway).
Would you like a break-down on any other locations, Ice?
well i have never been hit on at any of those places but ill take your word for it…it just seems to be a meg ryan/tom hanks plot to me…
I wouldn’t have guessed that the bookstore hit was a bad bet. Seems you’d know something of the interests of the person you were hitting on. Likely you’d seem as though you were capable of having something besides sex on your mind. I have flirted with women in bookstores, but never really hit on any. Those same women go to the supermarket, no?
Looking at how many homicides envolve “trivial altercation” or more accurately “stastus dispute” I wouldn’t be keen to flirt with random women anywhere. Nice way to find your brain matter spilling out your ears.
Getting to know a person first can have advantages.
I wouldn’t say something to someone “flirting” with my girlfriend but if that became sexual harassment I might crack their skull like a ripe melon with a coconut. Whether some comment is flirtatious or harassment is pretty subjective (how receptive the woman is) and its a gamble to go around harassing women which is what 90% of male flirting is outside of a willing reciever.
Considering the degree to which female/male sexuality differ what seems like harmless flirting can easily be harassment and traumatic to the reciever.
a lot of flirting is harmless though, but we know how most males are, just the same a lot is disturbing.
Wow. When flirting is all of that, we’re in trouble.
Sometimes I think the world is fucked.
On a more serious note: Cyrene nailed it, as a compliment/initial flirt can easily escalate into harrassment/unwanted attention - I guess you guys need to know how to play it right, right? A smile/nod is one thing: pestering a person is something else entirely…
I’ve also seen women pester men, so harrassment can be a dilemma for both genders…
I was pestered last night by a woman who was hitting on me.
Big deal.
I was pestered. Should I sue? Call the cops? Hit her?
Sometimes I think the world is fucked.
I’m sure you have to deal with constant perversion from women daily from every age range Faust? Even if you did are you saying women shouldn’t charge people for sexual harassment because you wouldn’t ?
I’m saying that flirting can be a pain in the ass, i suppose, but no, it shouldn’t be illegal.
You are changing the case - sexual harassment, sure. But to call mere flirting sexual harassment is just silly.
Haha. My god, you do not have a woman’s sexuality, you are not psychologically effected the same. (not all women are either but still). To even suggest what you have here is see through.
If the flirting is REMOTELY sexual its sexual harassment if the woman is unreceptive/disturbed by it. Yes flirting should be, and IS criminal in a huge array of cases. Pushing sexual desire through verbal engagement to an unwilling recpient is abuse. period.
Asking a woman to show you her breasts or that she has a nice ass, yeah its criminal if the woman isn’t interested and she/they felt harassed by the statements, they should have legal outlets to deal with it. Since most flirting is inherently sexual A LOT is construed as sexual harassment.
Most sexual harassment is directed at women, they precieve things differently. I don’t even know what you’re saying here. I agree harmless nonsexual flirting is harmless but sexual flirting isn’t, its harmless to some, its hugely disturbing to others.
theres no such thing as “mere flirting” if its sexual. Which flirting largely is. The number of women taking men to court over “mere flirting” suggests they feel differently about it too. Whats “mere flirting” with one chick CAN BE sexual harassment with the next. Anyway its sexual harassment by definition.
If a woman doesn’t appreciate that you’re talking to her sexually, even if its only through implication its SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
Look up the definition of sexual harassment, if you think its silly you have a problem with LEGAL DEFINITIONS. Or what society bases laws around.
“you’re a very attractive woman”
" You’re very intelligent"
^In one of those cases a woman could take you to court, easily win too.
Since women do often feel its harassment I don’t think your in a place to objectively judge the law. I’d like to know what magic line in your head seperates “flirting” from “sexual harassment” since even the most implied sexuality in flirting can constitue abuse.
The magic line in 90% of flirting is HOW COMFORTABLE the woman is with it. Period.
Basing sexual harassment laws on male psychology (or judgements on what constitutes sexual harassment through those laws) is batshit crazy and ENDLESSLY self-serving.
Yeah you should have if you felt psychologically or sexually violated which you didn’t at least not in the deep and profound way a woman might feel violated in the same situation.
MEN AND WOMEN’S SEXUALALITY IS DIFFERENT. Different enough that what “annoys” you is endlessly disturbing/violating to another.
Flirting isn’t flirting unless it’s sexual. And it’s not illegal.
I have told many women that they have a nice ass - I’m an “ass man” - no one has ever called the cops.
The only men that get taken to court are those men who are in a supervisory role to women at work. And it doesn’t happen a lot, and it’s always over more than a single comment.
No woman will ever win a law suit over “You are a very attractive woman”.
It just doesn’t happen. There is always much more to it than that.
I can’t objectively judge the law any more than you can, but I can judge it. I’m not sure I have a big problem with the actual law - just your ridiculous interpretation of it.
I was telling a young woman just last night, a woman that works under my supervision, that I liked her cleavage. You are saying I should go to jail over that? I think I’m glad I live and work in my world and not yours. She does have nice cleavage.
But I do occupy a subculture. Where I work, we have three lesbians, a bisexual female and a bisexual, crossdressing male on staff. The bisexual male is considering sex-change surgery. Two of the lesbians tend to make out with each other at the bar after their shift. A couple of the girls have been known to disrobe after hours. There’s a lot of shenanigans. We drink, and we use drugs. Many of us smoke cigarettes.
We’re just bad people.
But we’re not all meshuga over sex. We’re not, if I may generalise, the typical Christian americans who think sex is bad to begin with. That’s the part I do object to - that sex is assumed to be bad, so sexy talk is also assumed to be bad.
It’s sick.
But I guess it works for all you other people.
There needs to be some context here. Sure, flirting is sexual. But sexual isn’t necessarily bad, heck, I think it is quite good. But there are certainly times where it is bad.
The example I like to use is the “dozen red roses” example. Give a girl a dozen red roses. If she likes you, it is the most romantic thing imaginable (well, not really, but it is pretty much treated that way). If she doesn’t like you, it is incredibly creepy and bad. Same action, different results, because the context was totally different.
Flirting works the same way. In club situations, one is ritually allowed to be forward and rebuffs are minor and quick. It is a no-consequence zone for most forms of flirtation and other sexual advances. But there is no reason not to flirt with someone at a grocery store or anywhere else. I enjoy flirting, it is fun. Start out low, see if they are receptive, and move on from there. It is pretty easy to see if they are being receptive, so no problems there. If they aren’t receptive, retreat and no harm done. Even if they aren’t receptive, if you do it right it is still flattering to the woman (who doesn’t like a little attention?). Now, sure, if you do it wrong it is totally unacceptable. But that is what “doing it wrong” means.
I saw a male tiger shy away from a female tiger at the water’s edge. His hesitancy was a totally turn off. How pathetic he did slink away.
Well, I would not be the gazelle he came across next. There would be nothing pathetic about him crushing its neck. If only the female tiger was around to see it.
Telling a chick she has a nice ass is sexual harassment if the woman felt HARASSED, period. I said it before and i’ll say it again: males are poor judges of what is/isn’t sexual harassment as females are the ones usually feeling violated due to the psychological differences between men/women.
- Faust your bullshit is endless, women routinely win ABSURD sexual harassment lawsuits, even the most innocent comments are routinely used, successfully for lawsuits.
If you tell some 20 year old chick she has a nice ass, it SHOULD be her LEGAL OPTION to CHARGE you with sexual harassment and let a jury decide, RIGHT?
Anyway yeah, look up statistics on sexual harassment lawsuits/criminal offences and come back here and tell me what people do/don’t get convicted for.