So let’s get this thing rolling,
here goes my most secret fear:
The fear that I die. It means that if I ever do get to the point where I’m not around anymore, that I will have accomplished nothing, and that there’s nothing I could have done in this world to make me feel better about it. I’d be a zombie, an immortal, and if I was really lucky, like the zombies in the movies, then I would live forever, wandering the empty, lifeless earth, trying to think of someone I could never see again, wondering if I should still feel anything, because, after all, if this is the way it is for me, I must not be very good at the human thing.
I am afraid of the fact that I am in fact a mere simulation - no matter how sophisticated the virtual reality environment might be - there is always a finite time limit, a termination code, a ticking clock. You know that this ‘reality’ of yours has to cease someday. That is, when you have to be erased from the database.
This realization - this inescapable, stark, realisation - is the most paralyzing fear of mine, more than all my previous fears combined. You see, the fact that the only reason I am still alive is because I am not yet dead, is a horrible thought. If there is a God, and there must be because the universe we live in is so perfectly designed to accommodate that idea, and this universe continues forever and ever and ever - then there is absolutely no reason to be alive. No reason at all. I shudder at the thought of it - to feel the pain of that knowledge.
Fear is a choice.
What if, what if we choose our fear, over our truth?
Fear is like gravity. The more you try to escape it, the more you will fall.
The more you try to deny your deepest fears, the more you will fall.
The only way to make a conscious choice is to be aware of both sides. You are not aware of either your fear or your truth until you realize both. Then you can make a conscious choice.
The only way to become aware of either your fear or your truth is to confront them. You can always, at any time in your life, wake up to your fear, and try to escape it.
You cannot, however, wake up to your truth and escape it. You may choose to pretend it isn’t real.
Confront your fear. Face your deepest fear.
Facing your fears is a prerequisite to conquering them. And it’s an absolute necessity. Because once you face your fear, you can make a conscious choice. And once you make a conscious choice, you can change your future.
Do I let fear run my life? Do I choose my fear? Do I allow my fear to control me? Do I let fear make my choices for me? Do I let fear make the choices for me?
Do I let fear define me? Do I let fear keep me from experiencing joy?
Or, do I wake up each day and choose my joy? Do I choose my joy, regardless of my fears?