I made a potato veg curry.
I was really happy with how it turned out.
I would have put some in a container for Edward,
but the thing is, i dont think he even wants to
see me again. Last time i saw him, he got all
pissed off about me being on AISH, and didn’t
believe that I had schizophrenia. He was even
yelling at me. After I tried to support him during
his hospitalization, too. I think he has a mental
illness. So, i have a little hole in my life.
I tried to support and be good to Edward often.
I never insulted him or disrespected him.
It’s really weird how it all ended.
I visited a new shop with different kinds of groceries.
It’s near where i live. I got a big container of pineapple
juice powder there. Only they have those.
I learned that safeway sells cooked, hot mashed
potatoes for cheap. I want those instead of fries.
Fries are cooked in oil. But mashed potatoes are
cooked in water. I am going to make a potato dish
later in the day. It’s going to be a nice day.
I been working on a computer game project
for over a week now. I think it’s half done.
Later I’ll release an early version.
If anyone wants to chat with me,
im on discord and FB all the time.
So, yesterday I gave Knighten a tupper ware full of my dan veggie rice.
We talked this morning briefly.
He liked it, to my surprise.
We had a can of pop each, at WInco.
He had to go to work soon.
He always wanted to make his own computer game,
and showed interest in my projects.
In the future when i make dan super food,
i will share it with him again.
For a few years now, I’ve been having a hateful voice in my head.
It says it hates everything and everyone.
I don’t feel hate or anger, but i hear this nonsense.
I think it’s just schizophrenia.
I’m on some good meds for it.
Is it a feeling or voices, or feelings manifesting as a voice? …what if it isn’t a voice, but just feelings that you interpret as a voice?
Bro I’ve been disliking people since 1986/aged 16, and I’ve been perfectly fine wit dat.
…but then there’s agape, which comes in and counters/balances that dislike… maybe it was a case of growing out of that state of mind and into the another… but that doesn’t mean that one turns into an indiscriminate fool.
Hope your meal turns out well… I’m not sure what to have for dinner today… perhaps time and cravings will help decide.
It’s a combination of ideas and mental forces.
But it’s not a complete mental force.
It does not have a will, for example.
It also does not have a plan.
The meal went great.
I had mashed potatoes, alfredo, chicken gravy, mixed Japanese veg.
After that, i had nachos with canned chili, canned mashed pinto bean,
canned salsa, and canned nacho cheddar sauce. So, chips with dip.
A few days ago i felt like shit so i went to the hospital.
They did some tests and it turns out i have influenza.
Then they sent me home.
Today I feel better than yesterday.
I was worried that i was going to croak.
But I am recovering fast i think.
Apparently, most people experience that phenomena at some point in their life, so not an uncommon experience to experience.
I, personally, think that it is the vestiges of a survival-instinct from the distant-past manifesting as ‘thoughts’ and a ‘feeling’ on a course-of-action to take.
Some people have never heard a voice in their head for their whole life.
I heard a story at LDS church where a dude was in a war, and the voice said
“Run!” - and he ran, but not soon enough, as shells hit the location soon
after the voice gave advice. (but he survived the experience)
My mind has spam from schizo stuff.
I hear stuff all the time.
I have to sort it all out.
I can’t let any of it control me.
…sounds like it’s part of ‘intuition’, and not all people are intuitive… hence some not having an inner monologue in the first place? …or so it seems like, to me.
Schizophrenia… simply a dissociation, of self and intuition? …or so it seems like, to me.
What is diversion in CBT?
Diversion techniques: activities such as visual imagery, and physical activity are used to reduce strong emotions and decrease negative thinking.
I plan to make more food in the future.
Influenza A really knocked me over.
I just want to make sure I’m not contagious.
I figured out how to use my oven i think.
If it works, i want to make curly fries,
veg, gravy and cheese sauce. The best
putine ever. I hope the weather can
be nice for me. I’m not in a rush,
but I want to do what i do.
Tod and Tim phoned me when i was sick.
It was much appreciated but i wish I had
more people to talk to also.
I made fried flat bread earlier today.
I plan to give it as a gift to the LDS missionaries.
I would have given it to Mason, but he is gluten free.
Maybe he would like some scalloped potatoes instead.
I’ll explore that option soon.
I now have beef hot dogs, salami, cheddar, alfredo,
parmasan cheese powder, baked potatoes, KD,
fried onions, etc.
I asked Brennan if he would like for me to cook
for him, and he said yes. He gave me a list.
Pudding, ceasar salads, burgers and wraps.
Also ham and cheese omelette for breakfast sometime.
Brennan has money problems.
So I think I can help him out with foods.
We’ll see how my foodie adventures turn out.
Seun will be visiting tomorrow later in the day.
I will go with Emanuel to LDS church service,
tomorrow at around 11:30am, i figure.
So, today [2024, 01, 01]
I made burgers for my friend Brennan.
I thought he would take them home,
but he ate all 4 of them. And they were
not small either. He must have been hungry.
I also made iced tea for him and gave him
a gatorade powder tin.
Tomorrow i plan to make big chili.
But I want to pan fry all the components
of the chili then dump them into a bin/tub.
No meat this time.
Lately I’ve been having ichiban ramen with extra soup powder,
and peas and corn added to it. It’s pretty tasty and so cheap.
I want to make home made pudding, from a box, for
Brennan and for myself.
