Men rule women with sex

Philosophy Forums Psychology and Mind
61

Yes, Kriswest… I can… and I do.

My father was a violent and abusive man who brought great harm to his family… he is dead now. I often sat in the my bedroom, as a young child ,and listened to my father rape my mother. In the morning she was covered head to toe in bruises. But I forgive him with all my heart (and more) for what he did to me, my mother and my siblings. I forgave him before he passed away and it was the most liberating experience of my life. I am now free from this hatred and he no longer has control over my life. I am no longer a victim!

It was so liberating that I changed, literally, overnight. My friends, family, and psychologists all watched in amazement at the transformation from a depressed and suicidal young man to a man who is now confident and loves life and people. I had been admitted to hospital countless times for suicide attempts, some very close indeed… I have many scars to show for it. The medical profession shrugged their shoulders and labelled me as a hopeless case. But after 10 years of therapy… it finally clicked… and I forgave… and I was transformed. I still see a psychologist, but only to make sure that I am on track with life, checking in.

Just for the record, I lead a celibate life style… and I always have! I am happy with that.

My siblings, on the other hand, still hold on to this hatred and non forgiveness even though he is dead.
They too say, “How can we forgive?”

That is a question which only you can seek the answer to… but only if you want!

I went through the pain of the forgiveness process and came out alive (just), but am glad I went through that pain.
If you do not want to… then that is fine… it is your life.

62

earthy,
That may be some sort of fantasy of yours, but real world experience doesn’t bear that out. There may be a small percentage of men in our society who think and act along those lines, but the majority does not.

mmm,
You bring a unique and valuable perspective to this and I’m glad you spoke up. What I don’t understand, though, it why you agree with the OP? While you have had to deal with traumatic experiences in your own life, does that make you think that those instances are the norm?

63

Have you seen any media? The majority does, when men loses their civilized behaviors, attitudes and clam.

64

I am confused… I don’t agree or disagree with the original post and I think it far from the norm.
Did my post read that way? I re-read it and it does not read that way to me, for me it reads neutrally!

How could I possibly agree or disagree with someone’s feelings on such a topic… they are their feelings which cause them pain.

65

An abusive parent is harder to forgive then a stanger. I am glad for you. I am glad you came out of it. Out of 4 sibs I was the only one to forgive and understand our mother. She and I developed a relationship. I am glad we did, She passed away recently and I still miss her.

Forgiveness for attackers though at this late date would do nothing for I have the understanding of whys. I do not hate. Each to their own path for growth. I am 23+ years married to my life’s partner. He is all I ever wanted and all I will ever need. I know that only a few men behave less than animals would. There are reasons for that. Most males just want what most women want. A happy life and someone to love and be loved. Power is not a part of that need and want.

66

Thanks Kriswest…

I simply responded to your question coming from experience and honesty…
In your case if you are happy and it is not causing you grief then that is Wonderful… it sounds like you are doing well.

67

Hatred isn’t always a burden in which forgiving someone helps you. I hate nazis, forgiving plenty nazis is out of the question. infact hatred can and does create goal oriented actions. Unless the person has changed they deserve no forgiveness. and btw victims offering attackers sympathy makes them pretty twisted barring psych problems in their attacker.

68

I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood this:

I thought you were agreeing with the original post.

69

oops… point taken… I understand why I confused people… my mistake.

That is just my style of writing (trying to be non-confrontational with OP).

The original Post said… “Men rule women with sex”. I agree with this in that it is a valid opinion to have, based on individual experience.
I am not in the game of intentionally invalidating peoples opinions.
But I understand how my comment confused people (sounds like I am flip flopping).

On this issue, I “try” to maintain a balanced and non-judgemental view, but you can only please some of the people some of the time.
The problem with trying to be unbiased is that you often make mistakes and cop it from both sides… not that I feel like I am.
If you read my discussion in it’s entirety you will get my general view (I think or even hope so)… :smiley:

Hatred is never more beneficial than forgiveness. The only way to know this is to hate someone and then forgive that same person… If you only hate them then how will you ever know what it is more beneficial.

BTW… Forgiveness does not equal no punishment… you don’t have to give them a big hug and kiss. It does not take away from what they have done.

The definition I refer to (and like) is from dictionary.com
4. to cease to feel resentment against

There are other definitions but this is the one I use when I use forgiveness…
In this sense, Kriswest has forgiven, but she probably has a different definition in her heart than I have.
That is cool… as it gives the same result.

70

but in a heterosexual relationship, the erection is caused by a man seeing a vagina. And a wet vagaina is caused by woman seeing an erect penis.

Not sure which party is precondition to the other’s arousal.

71

Probably the guy saw a Taco Bell advertisement first :sunglasses: :laughing:

72

To mmm philosophy:

But all jokes aside: I agree with the post, Men do rule women with sex…

ar – I actually disagree with this. The thing is, I would say that it is an individual thing, but also if a man believes he rules his woman with sex, it is probably because she is letting him think so. #-o #-o Aside from that, if a man or woman really feel that they rule, who is it that really has the power and where is it?

But if any woman or man thinks she/he can solve this issue then dream on…

ar – Probably the only way to solve it, I feel, is when men and women stop thinking of sex as a power tool – (don’t mean to put a damper on this) and think of it as an interconnectedness sharing a common bond, where both realizethat they are equal. That way it can become a spiritual experience (don’t laugh) not religious experience, since animals “do it”, but an experience where two can “experience” one another in more ways than just the physical. Sex is a coming together in a higher form.

mmm -Or do some women simply adopt the victim and blame mentality?

I think when it comes to rape, it is about mentality - the – on some level – sick mind of a rapist, which has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with power and violence and probably lots of fear. It is possible that it can be a mother’s kind of [nurturing?] that creates a “rapist” but then again, maybe not. There is so much we do not know about the mind and the brain.

mmm If you have been raped then the best thing for you to do is to forgive the perpetrator… not for their sake but for your own sake.

I agree with you there but even speaking as a woman who has not been raped, I still feel that cannot be easy, but I do agree with you, it is in forgiving someone, that we do not allow ourselves to be destroyed inch by inch, but we emerge maybe moment to moment more whole.

By the way… My ex-partner was raped and I have several friends/family that have been raped (that I know of) and/or abused (male and female).
One of the reasons why I broke up with my ex-partner was that she could not trust me and she thought I would rape her or be violent towards her.

I am so sorry for the experience that “both” of you had. In a sense, you were “raped” too.

I still love her very much and would love to get back together with her and I would even want to grow old with her… but I did not rape her (even though I am a man) and I cannot be responsible for the fact that she was raped. I supported her but I could not take the blame (the perpetrator is walking the streets and was never charged).

Yes, and perhaps there was nothing “you” could do to help her. Even though you are a man, I feel in some ways, you cannot put yourself in her awareness. Having said that, you are “still” part of humanity. If she knew that, that could help her, your understanding, and simply listening to her, with your ears and your eyes and with everything that makes “you”, letting go of “you” and simply “seeing” both of you.

Humour is also a wonderful thing and it does not indicate a lack of sensitivity but rather a way of coping… :smiley:
[/quote]
Perhaps you could laugh at yourself. But why would you laugh at yourself or someone else in pain. This is simply a way to escape the pain – not to really deal with it, though you might feel that way. Why do we as human beings create a moment entirely adverse to that which we actually feel? Perhaps because we have been taught or programmed to. Not showing pity to someone in pain, is a good thing, but showing compassion is good. Helping someone to feel “whole” is also better than helping them to feel like a “victim”. What we see is who we are or who we become.

And having said, I realize some of the above may be flawed.

Take care

“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”
— Maya Angelou

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.”
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Road to Daybreak)

73

You laugh because it is the ignition switch to start the engine of healing. There are many ways to heal. Humor does not lack pity or empathy in fact humor can be a way of acknowledging. I do find pity undesireable i would rather have empathy and give empathy rather than pity. We all get hurt, We can heal or not, to each their own and each chooses their own way to heal. I choose humor and empathy as tools for helping me and others.

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Not you Churro , arcturus rising. the post above yours. :laughing: :laughing:

:-k Although when you laugh, does it not heal something with in?

75

i agree with the title.

“Now i know why you’re the man” she told me.

76

A man covets a woman.
The man entices the woman through his merely physical appearance.
The woman becomes superficially compelled to the man.
The man preps her for sex.
The man rapes the woman.

The difference between traumatization and pacification is null. A woman is always traumatized by sex as all sex acts are acts of rape. Depending on how the man anticipates and completes the sex act is what directly instigates negative or positive feelings in the woman. If the woman believes she was negatively dominated, then she will view future encounters with said individual with a large degree of fear. If the woman believes she was positively dominated, then she will view future encounters with said individual with a lesser degree of fear. Albeit all sex acts are acts of rape, a relationship of trust is needed to socially solidify sexual expressions into differing human cultures and societies.

I will end with an example: a stranger, a man, rapes a woman at nighttime in an alleyway in the city. This case of rape is uncommon, because most rape cases actually take place between persons who are socially connected with one another, if only loosely. Regardless of that, the woman shall feel negatively dominated by this act of rape, because she did not give her consent to the total stranger. Though, the consent is a humanly cultural phenomenon. The reason that the woman feels negatively towards this sex act is because she has been taught to fear the stranger, probably from her parents at a young age. If this cultural indoctrination had not taken place, then the stranger raping her would be seen as doing what comes natural to him. Both persons would leave the situation without emotional scars. The scarring effects come from societal demands placed upon girls at a young age by their fathers to protect their lineage. In this light, it should be obvious to see that the topic of sex, or rape, is a strictly cultural fantasy. All acts of sex, necessarily instigated by male animals, are rape.

77

Wow, that is one of the most off-the-wall statements I’ve ever heard. You are completely changing the definition of the word. While there are many definitions, all of them are very similar to this:

Without force and lack of consent, it’s sex.

This doesn’t make sense. Emotional scars are not simply a result of an act being unnatural, they are a result of an act being harmful. If it “comes natural” to someone to shake a crying baby, does that mean the baby suffers no harm? If it “comes natural” for a bully to tease a classmate mercilessly, does that mean the classmate suffers no emotional scars?

You haven’t shown this to be obvious at all, nor provided any support that is even remotely convincing.

78

[size=200]Sex is MUTUAL in a heterosexual relationship.[/size]

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](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) AnitaS get the calk they are coming out of the walls! Churro and Joekoba can get the rolling pins or swatters, I will get the power water hose for those that get out.:unamused: Where the heck do these ideas come from, how do they breed? 8-[

80

In a lesbian relationship do WOMEN rule WOMEN with Sex?
In a gay relationship do MEN rule MEN with Sex?

Who rule who with whatever, depends on who need the whatever.