… and to those so many poor working class souls who regularly depend on that hospital racket for their well-being, i say: get tough. I did.
…
So the same thing happened as last time three or four years ago. A big scratch across my right cornea from scratching my eye in my sleep. A green dye was put in, and the gash was found with a black light.
Now, look at how perfectly timed this was. Warming up, spring is here, I’ve got two good paying jobs coming up, and I’m excited and all that shit. Then, the day before the big job, i scratch my own eye out while I’m sleeping. The job is lost, I’m put into deeper debt, and made unable to sleep for days.
Either god can prevent evil and he will not, or he wishes to prevent evil and he cannot.
Supposing there is a god, nay, hoping there is a god so that i may defy it, would it have been reasonable to maybe do a little miracle work and, say, stop me from scratching my own eye out? This is a simple one. Easier even than healing the blind and making a cripple man walk.
Ah, i must have deserved it. I am, afterall, that ungrateful fuck who despises god. Wait, though. Did i start this fight? Did i ask to be born? Right. You bring me into a shit world without asking me first and then punish when i react to it as i have with decades of torment and torture. Being committed to a mental hospital for two years because i carried a pocket knife on the school bus to protect myself from the trash. Being sent to prison for six years for crimes that should have gotten me 30 days in jail. Being gaslighted by vigilantes-against-SOs who find my broadcasted address and knock my motocycles over or let the air out of my tires in the middle of the night. Having my property stolen by the police. Suing my capitalist employer for wages owed and being ruled against by some dumb bitch judge who shouldn’t even be working there as a janitor, much less a judge. Loss of wages AND court costs despite losing the case. Being dropped out of the will by the piece of shit old man. $26,000 medical bill for an hour long back surgery that has destroyed any incling of credit i had. Can’t find a place to live of my own. Can’t…
Wait, this isn’t necessary again. It’s all been said before at one site or another.
So, in any case, i had pretended to be a christian for a moment, and i approached my current situation as a christian would… thinking about it as a christian would. And, of course, like a christian i thought i must have deserved all this. At that moment, i felt a wave of indescribable sickness and disgust, so visceral that i literally reached up into the air as if grasping for god’s neck. No, just kidding, i didn’t do that part. But the disgust was real. My hatred of god is so strong that there’s really no way to put a voice to it. The same tired old clichés about god being a sadist and this and that… even these fall short of the sophisticated nature and type of torment i am being put through and have been put through. Not some natural disaster, not some stupid accident that’s my fault. This is some incomprehensibly sinister shit.
When you look at me and see the health and strength i continue to have, even after being relentlessly beaten for decades, don’t think this means “it isn’t so bad”. It is bad. Worse than you can imagine… only I’m strong af and i get giddy when around gods. Hungry. The rage, the intensity of the feeling of savagry when doing violence against god and this shitpot that it has created. I’ve never felt a vitality stronger than that which i feel when wanting to destroy anything to do with this god.
And wouldn’t you know it… there is no god, so you may disregard all that. But i wish there was. I absolutely wish there was…
There is another option. The torment isn’t purposed by god but more like bad luck. That’s to say god doesn’t directly cause it, but he doesn’t prevent it either.
If that’s the case, the torment (bad luck) becomes gratuitous because there is no apparent rhyme or reason for it; I’m not being punished by god when i scratch my own eye out, but that the laws of physics allow it to happen at all places causal blame again on god. Add to this that in addition to his laws making this possible, he also chooses not to intervene and prevent me from scratching my own eye out when he’s quite capable of doing so. That’s a double-whammy. He’s twice the piece of shit you thought he was at the beginning of that paragraph, lol.
How much of the suffering endured by man during his ‘tests’ is necessary for the purposes of the objective? I can know for sure, and assure you as well, that scratching my own eye out is not necessary and could have just as well not happened at all.
Well then, no matter how you cut the cake, the sick cocksucker is still to blame.
