Looking for validation does not make a person insincere… it makes them human.
Validation and its counterpart are the entire basis of feedback and this is how we change as humans.
Without it we would be sociopaths.
Context Simms, context.
Why is Kriswest insincere?
She asks what a parent is, and when she doesn’t get the answer she’s looking for, she challenges it, then ignores it and states the opposite as fact, without any decent reason.
She doesn’t want to grow, she doesn’t want to change, she doesn’t want to learn. She wants to be told everything she does is fine, and everyone accepts her for her actions.
That is insincere. Asks a question that she’s not really interested in.
Why ought I even bother spending my time communicating with someone like that?
Except she ignores the counterpart.
Kind of screws up the results, no? - Invalidates the entire process.
Thanks, your point is now understood. I will leave the rest up to Kriswest (if she chooses to engage).
Actually its just about spitballing a curiosity. We are all from different parts of the world with different backgrounds and attitude.
Curiosity: Attitudes towards and about and influences of this relationship. Just simply strolling through our perceptions of it. While there is common, there is enough differences to discuss. Also discussing future parental roles.
As for school, yea educators do have a lot as do students but, how do we end cycles of parenting to improve society?
Just spitballing, right?
No assertions being made…
It take a village to raise a child and so the first step would be to move away from the “individualised” notion of parenting.
We need to move away from the notion of parenting and move to the notion of raising a child.
Here “raising” also means to lift up and to elevate into adulthood.
Ultimately the role of parenting is to pass on the knowledge, understanding and skills of parenting to the next generation (nothing more).
It does not matter if the next generation end up having children themselves as they will still play a role in raising children (elevating them to adulthood).
It takes a village to raise a child… not an individual/s.
But… our society raises the individual not the child.
The only way right now to even begin that would be within the school systems. Start with one generation then expand it some for the next and so on. Abrupt change rarely gives positive results when dealing with mass society.
Are you a teacher?
Not professionally. I have great respect for educators. Its a stressful but, gratifying job. Parents are often the hardest part.
My dad was the dominant parental figure in my life. He instilled a hard work ethic into his children, emphasized education, and encouraged us to be independent thinkers. He had very liberal values and passed them on to his children. If there were any flaws, they were that he could be manipulative and selfish at times.
My mother, who divorced my dad when I was 6 and lived by herself since, was also very liberal and independent, but unlike my dad lead a very quiet and withdrawn life. She was, and still is, very shy and introverted.
My step mom is a very kind and imaginative person–very spiritual and religiously oriented. Unlike my biological mother, she seems happier with life.
If there is a right way to parent, I would say it is to love your children and to be sure they know they’re loved. Another way of saying this is to make sure they know they can always depend on you for support and security; I believe this pays off even in the long run when they are all grown up and living on their own. Parents, and society in general, will quibble over the right way to parent children–making sure they wash their hands before every meal, making sure they go to bed at a timely manner, what should be rewarded and what should be punished, as well as the quality and severity of the rewards and punishments–but these, I believe, are all subsidiary to the love you show your children and the sense of security you instill in them with that love. Not that these things which we quibble over aren’t important as I believe they do make a difference to where your children end up in life and what options are available to them once they grow up, but I believe that as long as they have that sense of security and confidence that comes from bring raised in a family environment of love and care, they will be able to make their way through any circumstance that life throws at them.
Often it is easy to suggest that others do the hard work to solve perceived problems (even teachers do this).
We can go around sticking bandaids on the problem but this does nothing to solve the problem (it just shifts the burden around).
The issue of quality parenting is a systemic problem and not simply one about education.
It is about the media, poverty, wealth, health, education, politics (funding), taxes, collaboration of services,media, technology, abuse, inter-generational trauma, racism, equality, and most importantly it is about the concept of family/community.
Alter a single link in this complex web and the whole system realigns to produce a new system (for better or for worse).
If you are to improve education then all of the others must step up to fully support education.
Education is just one… just like you are just one… and it would be absurd to think that one person could address such a complex issue.
So, like all change… change comes from a paradigm shift and not by doing more of the same.
The current paradigm is not sustainable as it is based on raising individuals and not communities.
And… it takes a community to raise a child and not an individual.
And the most influential community is Kindergarten through PHD degrees.
Peers that you attend school with, educators. During the day a person will spend up to 8 or 10 hours a day with this group, this is the village, this is the influence. Utilizing the village as you suggest is a logical beginning.
Kriswest, this is the village…
bronfenbrenner’s ecological model… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecological_systems_theory
Ben JS
But Ben, what Kris wrote is an assertion. There isn’t ONLY one way to parent. But i would say that it is more based on the distinct personality of the child. Two children in the same family may have different psychological needs, different emotional makeup and mental makeup. The love and attention and support is there but the degree and the direction of it might have to be different.
Aside from that, parents often raise their children based on how their parents raised them or deliberately different from the ways in which they were raised instead of finding their own “real” way based on the world as it is NOW and on the environment of the family circle, if that made any sense.
Simms, interesting and while it could improve parenting abilities if directed, I see no way to start the direction unless it is part of the formal education system.
How would you direct your village thought?
Kriswest, there is no magic bullet. All the parts need to work as a whole. All the parts need to step up and contribute. Overload any one part and you will crush that part and render it useless and as a result put more stress on the rest of the system.
Simms, look back, I said start, not only. Everything must have a start.
I understand what was said Kriswest. Collaboration does not mean someone starts it means working together as a unified whole. This collaborative effort is difficult to grasp within individualistic frameworks. It is not a matter of “who is going to start first” but instead a matter of “when do we start working together”.
The paradigm shift is that for successful parenting to occur people need to learn how to work as a community. In working collaboratively to solve the problem the processs of collaboration itself is teaching people what they need to learn. It becomes a self perpetuating system.
You and I both know humans are followers, pack/herd animals. A leader/s must initiate change. A consensus is improbable without a leader/s. The whole must be called towards one direction by leading voices. That voice/s is a start. The most logical voice to create is to use children through public education. Today is the start of tomorrow. A ripple effect of direction.
And thus the blind ensuring more blindness. 